Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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scgramma 10/14/2013

Trying hard not to over think or put my feelings into this. My gs was 5 1/2 weeks when taken by dss. I attended all visits all of which I paid for for a year with dd. she would hand him to me whe. He cried we had a great bond when I finally got him 1 year later. It has been 6 years, he has ways lived with me . Dd has lived here off and on , but not for over a year a d never for more than a few months, so why does he cry at the end of each visit now? I want mommy I miss mommy I love mommy . My gd has lived here for the last 18 months, she's 4 he's 6 and gd does t cry as much as him.... Sometimes she does cry but usual only if she's in trouble, but usually it's him, sobbing hard.especially at the end of visits. So mom y hugs him and promises to "get them back soon" again I've had him 6 years and he is 7......out of 4 years gd has lived with me off and on for almost 3. Mommy hasn't lived here in over a year
Why is he crying??

SaraBT 10/15/2013

I think it's simply because he's now old enough to realize what's going on with his "mommy" -- and he's old enough to understand that he doesn't have one the way other kids do.

NannaKMS 10/15/2013

I think he is crying now because he is old enough to understand what a mother is, he sees it with other children, the bond they have with their mother. My gs is the same I have had him since he was a year old and he is 5, my daughter has lived with us off and on to. They feel a loss of that mother figure now that they're beginning to understand the role of a mother. I think as they get older they will wish for a better relationship with their mother's but this may never happen and hopefully they will appreciate us more for what we have done for them. Then they will not follow the same path of mistakes that they're mothers have made.

daisydduck 10/15/2013

You have enabled the relationship and he does not understand why "mommy" comes and goes. Mommy is just a name. You are
obviously mothering him. Try distracting him when mom leaves. Take him to the park or for a walk but you need to phyisically remove him. If he continues to cry assure him she is okay district him. He is too young to process the difference. You could also find some books about animals and their moms noting that the animal moms leave their kids so they can grow up but emphasize there is always someone to help them. As he grows up, he will figure it out.

nutsandbolts 10/15/2013

I think your GS is getting to the age where he is figuring things out. My GS/S is 3 1/2 and he is asking who his mommy and daddy are. He picked this up on the baby channel. Most shows regardless use mommy and daddy. Your GS is in school so the environment there is adding to his questioning but he might not be able to speak it out load, so he is crying. Try talking to him when it isn't before or after a visit, but just in general. You might get a better idea of where he is at.

dianaconroy 10/16/2013

Our kids 4 and 6 never cry now. I hope it doesn't start. Wrong or not I think it has to do with the fact that my husband and I have always introduced ourselves as the parents. When asked who I am I say mom. I am Their mom ,have been since birth. I did it for them. I explained to bio mom that it would be to much of a burden for them to explain why they didn't live with mommy. They didn't call me mom until the last couple of years on Thier own it's what they want to call me. Thier mommy hates it, but oh well. At school we're the parents. They know they have a mommy and daddy. When they visit, before they arrive I explain that he visit will be short and that after we'll get ice cream. But I always prepare them. Now I don't even have to promise anything. When bio leaves they just sat bye see you later. Bio lingers and tries to get a reaction, we asked her to stop and she did for a while, but she's up to it again. I have to talk to her again. But these days we see her an average of every 3 months.

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