I'm so sorry for your pain. There just is no pain like losing a child to anything. It is a very helpless feeling. Words cannot heal for you now but I hope that time and support you receive here at ds will ease your pain. Know that you are not alone. They say that once you accept,you can being to heal. Take care and God bless.

scgramma, it is true that once you accept reality you start to heal. It took my husband and me 15 years to realize that his daughter is a hopeless case. I've lost count of how many times we tried to "help" her by paying her bills, giving her cars to get to work, babysat while she went to AA meetings (HAH), etc.

But after she gave us scabies, got her brother's truck impounded, and chose a Percocet prescription over returning home with her children, we figured that was enough. We don't care about her anymore and ironically it has freed us to live our lives like never before.

She is not going to get better, and even if she does it will be too late. We have now had her children longer than she has (counting the times she lived with us with her kids), they are established with us, they are thriving, happy children, and they are going nowhere. No matter what she does.

We have "broken through to the other side" and we're finally happy with our situation!!!!!

I agree - my DD is happy partying and doing whatever she wants! She is having the time of her life while I sit at home with her kids!! I'm so disappointed in her - never would have thought this would be happening. I believe it would be better if I didn't have to hear all the excuses why she can't do this or that, why she needs money again - for gas money to get the kids to school!

Sorry you are having a tuff time right now but just know you are not alone! God Bless

We learned to cut off my husband's daughter whenever she starts to give an excuse for something.

For example, she'll say "I haven't called because..." and I'll jump in and say "Here's B" and hand the phone to the eldest grandchild. Or she'll say "I'm going to look for a job next week..." and I'll jump in and say "which kid do you want to talk to first?"

We no longer even care about her dreams, her plans, her excuses, her lies. They've become totally irrelevant to us.

All these comments echo my thoughts. Letting go is the only way to go forward. It is sad to realize that so many young mothers and fathers care so little for the children. We take the children and that is never enough. Love the kids and let the perents go. I no longer believe they will change.

SCGramma....

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

I, too, understand the pain, or what I refer to as grief. I have been mourning my daughter for years. I mourn for what she could have been, her squandered talents, and the children whom she has hurt so badly. With my daughter, there truly is no tomorrow guaranteed. You would think after almost dying twice she would get her life together. She will never get better physically without a transplant and she will never be able to get on a transplant list because of her destructive behavior.

I am so sorry for you pain and I wish there was something we could do to fix these kids. I know in my brain that here isn't -- it is my heart that continues to want to try.

This site has been my saving grace. I have been viewing things occasionally, but things were going good for me. I feel that is changing and today when I open my email, this discussion is the 1st thing I see. I too know they won't change, but still I sometimes get dragged into that fantasy world. Back in May my dd completed treatment (2nd time) and my sil entered treatment for the 1st time in 2 years. They really appeared to be making progress. I started letting them see the kids more and even allowed them to have them unsupervised for weekends since July. My dd changed her work hours so she could watch the kids after school so I could continue to work and not pay daycare. She was showing up every morning to help me get them ready for school. She even occasionally cleaned up my home (occasionally). She sought out and found a program to help my gd with her behavior issues and has been attending the 2x a week sessions. They help with getting my gs to football. My sil completed his treatment about 3 weeks ago. The last 2 weeks I am seeing the changes. One thing I hate the most about drug addicts is when they think you can't tell when they are high. I found paperwork that showed that their power has been turned off at some point and my daughter got assistance to turn it back on. It is the only bill they have besides food and gas and he works full time and she part time. We are again at a crossroads of how to handle this. I am getting better at handling this, but what have I done to my poor gc AGAIN.

It really hurts. It's depressing. It bears down on us like a lead blanket. I just went to the 1st Administrative case review with the DCFS and my GS's parents. Neither one of them had any proof of having made any progress since the baby was put in my care 5.5 months ago. It's very disheartening. The promises, the excuses, the lame attempts at justification, the blame game whereby it's NEVER their fault. The list goes on..........You are definitely not alone. Feels pretty lonely when we're in the midst of all of it, though; huh?