Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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sjones1974 05/09/2016

We have had full custody of our 2 grand daughter's for 2 years now. Mom never even calls to check on them nor does she ask to see them unless something like Christmas or mothers day and both girls really don't want anything to do with here if she is there, She is on drugs and makes everything about her not the girls. Well yesterday being mothers day we spent the day as a family without her. There was not even a thought of her. When ever the girls ask we try to answer their questions and be positive and up beat. never mad mouthing her but the oldest is 7 now and she knows how her mom is the youngest is 5 now and it really doesn't bother her that she is not around because she never really has been for her. We this Sunday as we where winding down from the weekend. Haley the youngest crawled up between me and grandpa and said she wanted to talk. The last couple of days we could tell something was bothering her. So she started out with I love you so much grandma and papa your the best but I don't want to call you grandma anymore. She said she wants to call me mommy and if she could please call me mommy because I am her mommy and I do all the mommy stuff. I told her that She has a mommy but I can be her 2nd mommy. She seemed ok with that answer for the time being. Then this morning getting ready for school The older one said that she was wanted to call me mommy to. And that She didn't like having a real mom that treated her the way she does. My question is do you let them call you mom? Or how to you explain to them not to call you mom? Their mother is going to jail for at least 9 years if not longer starting next month. Being a step grandparent I really don't know how to handle this how to answer their questions and not make them feel like thy are doing something wrong or that they have to choose between their real mom and me. Any help please

redheadfrog 05/09/2016

Ours started calling us mommy and papa/dad occasionally...ater we told her it was okay, because that's what we are...we do what parents do and will continue to do so. She calls us mom and dad. She calls her bio mother...mama. She knows the difference. I think calling the people that are their parents by mom and dad, especially if they're not going to be with their biological parents, gives them a sense of normalcy. Lessens the need to "explain" to others why they don't live with their biological parents. Just my opinion.

sjones1974 05/09/2016

That is how we feel about it too. The only real hick up I have is that Im the step mother to their mom. So I never want to upset my husband that is his daughter. But we talk about it and both girls know what their parents are we always try to be honest and paint a very clear picture of what is going on due to court and just because we want them to know as much as good for them to know. It caught me by surprise when she asked I have always been grandma. But like you said we do the parents stuff not so much the grandparents stuff. Thank you

babaknits 05/09/2016

My 4 1/2 year old GD has been calling me Mommy for about a year now. I've had her since she was a year old. She refers to her bio Mom as my other Mommy. I still refer to myself as her "Baba" (grandmother) but found myself recently referring to myself as Mommy. Really, that's the role we have. I cannot be this little one's Baba, play and have fun and then return her home. She obviously needs to have a Mommy like everyone else. With your GD mom headed out of their lives for the next nine years, it would be a kindness for them to have a Mommy at home. Be that for them.

sjones1974 05/09/2016

I love being their mommy I get to see all the joys of having little girls. I do call my self grandma and I have noticed that a couple of times that it's just easier to say I am there mom. Not wanting to go into explaining to others and making the girls feel like they are different. The oldest one told me today that she likes not living with her real mom because she let her do whatever she wanted and didn't have to use her brain to be good little ladies. I just don't want to ever make them feel like if the time comes and bio mom gets it together that they cant have her as mommy because Im there. I guess it's just a fine line that as grandparents we have to walk. I do try to talk about bio mom and we prayer for her every night All I can do is be there for them

GrandMommy 08/12/2016

Hi,

My husband and I have had our gd for 2 yrs, actually most of her life, but it's been 2 yrs since my daughter abandoned her. She asks often, if she could call us Mommy. And daddy. We always tell her no, because we are her gp. She recently began calling me GrandMommy instead of grandma. I let her.

Please instruct me how to begin a new topic. I've been trying. Thx

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