I don't see the point in upsetting the girls. What purpose would a visit serve? I believe she only wants to see them because the boyfriend is in jail and she has some time on her hands.

Our daughter left our gd at our home, abandoned her. When she decided 2 years later she wanted our gd, she started posting on fb and telling everyone that we were keeping gd from her.

Personally feel like you'd be opening an old wound. Unless your daughter is getting her life straight in order to be a mother, why drop in and out of the girls' lives? It would only serve to upset them. If they've gone so long they don't even ask, you'd be opening them up for pain with a visit just before she goes away for 6-10 years.

That is what I feel to. Sometimes it's hard to know that line of what will be good for them in the long run. She isn't getting her life together. It seems to be this game with her that she has to have someone that needs her and makes her the center of the world (boyfriend, kids) But I have came to see that it seems to be that way with most addicts. I don't see the point in her coming but at the same time I don't want the girls to grow up and having this hatred toward her or us for not being able to say good bye.

I am seeing both sides of this. Not upsetting the children needlessly is one side. Then I feel the other side of the girls blaming you in the future for not letting them say good-bye to their mother. They might need to say good-bye for closure. It's all hard, I understand. Good wishes for whatever you decide.

I have been talking to their therapist and she seems to feel that they both have already said their good byes sort of. Not in so many words but talking to them they see us as mom and dad. The oldest has even came out and said that she cant live with her mom because she does bad things and doesn't make her use her brain. She has been out for 6 months and the girls know that So in talking to the therapist it seems that they both have accepted that she just isn't mommy. We always try to talk very positive about her when they ask and we are honest as much as you can be to a 7 and 5 year old. So I think at this time we will let it be. Maybe have them wright her a letter if they want or something. It just seems every time she does visit it's all about her so I don't think the girls will get anything from it but opening old wounds that finally seem to be healing Thank you for your in sight it's always helpful to see from the outside

I understand and am glad they have a therapist also. I hear you about their mother. My daughter did the same thing. She was always welcome to visit if she was sober, but she spent the majority of the visits outside smoking and talking on the phone while GD waited sadly in the house for her. :(

I like your idea of a good-bye letter and of your girls knowing she will be gone a long time this time. You are obviously their mother now. :)

Glad to hear that your girls have help with a therapist. I am wondering when I should take my GD. She sometimes cries that she wants her other Mommy (who has been sitting in jail for two months and is facing prison.) The letter idea sounds like the right answer. I often see my GD getting more upset and confused after contact with her Mother.

We have the same problem when she does see them. Always on the phone or always wanting them to spend time next to her. The GD are both at the age where your lucky if they will sit next to anyone for more then a couple of mints unless they are tired so mom gets very upset and mad when they are up and going again and not going after her like little lost puppy dogs. The girls have seen their therapist for about 3 years now and we love here. They where going once a week and now it's once a month or if something happened and they ask to see her. It has really helped and it gives both of us some insight on what is going on. Sometimes I think we get to close to the problem to really see what can be done and it makes things worst. After a visit it use to take days to get them back to normal because they didn't understand what was going on and coming from a drug home where they where they could do anything they wanted to a home where there are rules and schedules was really hard and every time mom would pop back in they seemed to go back to the no rules thing. Now it's like nothing the older one evens tells us know that she would like for her visit to be over now se will give her a kiss and tell her she loves her and of she goes on with her normal life as she calles it..

I don't see the point. I wouldn't let them see her. Keep a journal about how you feel and when there're older they can read it and not blame you. I think that it causes more harm to remind them that they have a mommy they should be with. You're mom and dad leave it at that and let them enjoy their lives.

I have a book that I have started for the girls and mom. So that one day of she does get it togther then she has somehting showing them growing up and if she doesnt then the girls will have something to look back and see what happened. It's like a jernoral with pictures included.