I would think if they've known before that she's in jail, I would share that information again. As far as to why - my older GD (13) has expressed that she hopes her younger siblings never find out what their mother had done (also drug related and currently in jail). Bothers her a lot. What good would it really do to tell them, except maybe to serve as a lesson on why you don't want to ever get involved with drugs? I believe that eventually they should be told. It would explain a lot to them when they are older. Is is too early now? Hard to tell. Praying for you and all of us in this situation.

We were told the truth is the best. We explained it like this. When a child does not follow the rules at school, they go to time out. When a adult does not follow the rules they go to jail. Explain what drugs can do to a person and how it is bad for you. My grandchildren are on medicaid and once I move I will also look into counseling. Mine are 4 & 2, so still a little small but we talk all the time. I will be praying for you, I hope this helps.

Before deciding what to do, the truth came out. After picking them up from school, My oldest asked me if her mommy was in jail because she called her boyfriend to speak to her and he told her she would be gone for a long long time. She asked if she murdered someone when I said no, she asked if she was on drugs. At that moment with no time to think of a good lie, I told the truth. I also explained the terrible addiction that happens from drugs and how lives are ruined. My youngest cried and cried. It broke my heart. The oldest, who never cries, was unemotional.

So sorry that your GC are dealing with this pain. I'd worry more about the one that's not expressing her emotions. Not good to bottle all that up.

My GD older sister learned on the school bus of her mother's arrest. Not easy when your friends tell you your mother's been arrested for stealing brass off of graves. The addicts do terrible things to their children with their actions. My DIL just got out of the county jail (2 months this time) and I'm not looking forward to renewed contact.

Hugs to you and your girls.

I do worry about my oldest being unemotional. When her "papa" (my husband) died suddenly, she NEVER cried. When I asked her about holding her emotions in she said "he's in heaven, so why should I cry?"

I started talking to my grandson when he was in 1st and 2nd grade about drug addiction. Both of his parents are recovering heroin addicts and their past addiction behavior is the reason I adopted him. I explained how addiction can be genetic and how dangerous drugs are for everyone, but how they are even MORE dangerous for someone who has 2 parents who are both addicts and told him that he will never be able to touch drugs. Some kids will tell him, "Oh, you can just do it this
one time, it's not going to make you get addicted", but that he should never trust anyone telling him those kinds of things because it's a lie. One time can get him addicted and one time CAN kill him. I've watched SO many young adults the same ages as his parents go to their graves from overdoses in the last 5 years. It is by God's grace alone his daddy, his aunt (my 2 adult bio kids) are alive today, not to mention his bio mom, and many others we know. I think 10 & 12 is definitely old enough to talk about it.

And this probably goes without saying, but I would never call my grandkids' parents druggies, or allow anyone else to refer to them as such. We talk about addiction and how it destroys people's lives and takes over their life. My younger grandson's other grandma told him when he was just a little baby that his parents were both just "no good druggies". I was so glad he was too little to understand, but my daughter heard about it and she was so upset. Did she deserve that? Probably. But it definitely didn't do anything to help her want to get better, it just made her feel more horrible about herself. (Not saying you would use that word to your gd's, but sometimes we just get overwhelmed and don't really think about the terms we use, or we let someone else use hurtful terms)

This is such an important topic because we really should be the ones explaining the family situation to our GC. It should be done with love and concern. Nonnaof2 was it a counselor who suggested talking to a 4 year old about drugs and jail?? GranmaWilli , it sounds like you thought a lot about how to explain. Did it go well? This is one of the big questions that I have, how and when to tell.

In reading these responses I am wondering, Do any of you take your grand kids for regular visits at the jail? We go every Wednesday and phone calls once or twice a week, We look at pictures and videos. We talk about it her all the time. She calls during special times, Easter and birthday parties. We "write" her. the 5 year old who lives with his dad knows she is in jail. but the 1 and 2 year old just know mommy is gone for awhile. We really haven't had to deal with the WHY.