Mamaw, there's no way to protect someone when you don't know what's going on.

When I married my husband, he had custody of his three kids, all pre-adolescents. We lived in the city, and they walked to school. Their mother, his ex, lived between our house and the school. He wanted his ex to be involved in the kids' lives. I thought she was crap for walking out on all of them, but he overruled me. He just kept thinking a mother belonged with her kids.

So when she finally got around to calling them, he encouraged them to visit her. It took about two months before we discovered that she was letting them smoke cigs, pot, drink beer and do coke! By then it was too late to keep them from her because they could walk there. They would sneak out at night to go to her apartment. NOTHING we did could keep them away from her. We tried counseling, punishment, rewards, you name it. She was their mother and that's all they cared about.

Thank God the two boys finally came to their senses, but Pinky never did and turned into the addict whose kids we're raising today. She doesn't speak to her mother any more after beating her up in FL. She claims her mother's husband came onto her. He might have; Pinky has that type of personality that invites it, but he should not have done that regardless. What a mess.

Anyway, the point is, if we had known what was going on we would have put a stop to it immediately. But we didn't know, and by the time we found out, it was too late.

So don't beat yourself up. This is your step-sister's fault and there isn't anything you could have done. Now you can be there for your niece to help her deal with it.

mamaw, I agree with what Sara said. None of this was your fault and you couldn't have prevented it.

That said, as you could probably tell by my post in your other forum I am feeling pretty much just like you. I go to work and the last FIVE jobs I've had we have had to deal with someone stealing from work. My daughter (32yo)and I were just discussing why we can't get jobs when we are honest, hard working, don't call in, etc, etc. I mentioned that I never even make it past the "self evaluation" phase of the gov't jobs. She said on one of her forums they were discussing lying on your applications and she was absolutely AMAZED at the huge percentage of people who do it!!!!! They will say they are experienced in excel, for ex, when they've never worked in it at all!!!! Of course, once to the interview they will probably find this out, but they've already gotten that far and aren't about to go through the whole interview process again. I guess it's gotten "par for the course" to lie about your abilities!!!!

I don't know why that should surprise me, because people lie about everything these days. They don't pay money they owe you, either. I don't "lend" anyone money any more unless I count it as a "donation" and figure on not getting it back. And 99% of the time I don't. And we're usually talking 10 bucks for gas, here. :P

On another note, I went to the person I generally get potatoes from last week. Her husband and baby and she were involved in a very serious car accident a little over a year ago. (they are Amish and were being driven to a family function down south somewhere). The accident was totally the other person's fault, not their driver's. Anyway, her husband and baby were killed in the accident. She had severe injuries and was hospitalized for several months.

The lady who came with me knew her and asked her how she was doing. She said most days were good, although she still had some bad days. But she was happy to be up and around and able to enjoy the beautiful weather and her work. Then she said something that really hit me - she said that the Lord had given her so many wonderful blessings and she was so happy just to be able to enjoy all of the blessings there were all around her!

That just knocked my socks off. I very seldom see such strong, strong faith in all of the Christian community I associate with. I cried for days over her simple declaration. What a wonderful testimony that lady is! How I wish I could be like that more often! She truly was an inspiration to me. I share that story in hopes that she can be an inspiration to all of us!

The world is bad and getting worse, especially here in this country as we watch and live through its demise. But there are still blessings to be found. I know you know that. I know it too. We cannot let the darkness take over.

Remember, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers.

Why don't you try going on the domestic abuse forum? I am on the one with the pink ribbon symbol. There are some neat people there, although it is not extremely active. Some of the people are in hiding from abusive husbands and/or boyfriends, but they respond to posters.

God Bless you and your family as you struggle through this.