Don't make it easy for daughter...put her off...say you're busy...say you're not feeling well...whatever. In my experience they give up easily if obstacles are put in their path. Use your GD's therapist's recommendation as a last resort. Don't take her calls except very infrequently. Does she have the right to show up at GD's school? If you can, put a stop to that at the school level. You don't need this pressure with your health issues. It's a shame your parents aren't helping support you...it's hard enough without family making it more difficult for you. Take care of yourself.

in my case NONE of the bios allowed to participate in school without my permission to the school, can't show up for visits, pick ups nothing. I want to remain in control. visits have to be approved by me as well... I want to stay in control... bios you give them an inch they take a mile.

My dd is one of the bios in my case too and we butt heads all the time. But I have to be firm with her. stay truthful, and honest.it hurt her some times and that hurts me but I have to look out for my GS he is the innocent.

I would just tell DD he truth... things have to be consistent, and stable for GD... and that means making a routine and sticking to it. stop school visits and stick to per planed visits. No extra contact,

the one thing the BIOs need to understand is... things are the way they are because of the choices THEY made... and the kids nor where given a choice in the matter... but we are now in control and will remain that way until THEY start making better choices for some it is too late.

in my DD case she was not on drugs and still not but she did choose not to parent. That is a decision SHE made one that I feel she can NEVER take back or change. only time will tell.

When Pinky was using all the time, we didn't pull any punches. We were right up front with her: As long as you're using, you're not seeing your kids. And if you call them we'll be listening, and if you're high, we're hanging up.

This went on for a long time. She'd call, then not call for weeks, etc. Then finally when she hit rock bottom she straightened out. We made her call the kids every single night for 30 days before she could visit. If she missed a night, the count started over. She did it, and she's been visiting them every weekend since.

This also depended upon the fact that our three grandchildren knew that she had a drug problem. They knew how addiction worked -- so they knew that if she didn't call it was the drugs doing their dirty work.

Thanks all....... Just feeling wore out being so sick and dd is manipulating me. In other words i have not had the fight in me and shes taken advantage of it. But im feeling better and am laying the law down again. Gd has terrible reactions to seeing her mom, alot came out at therapy........ Its my job to protect gd, not spare moms feelings. Shes certaintly not spared mine or my husbands or gd. I laid in the hospital, my husband took care of gd and she used. Gd is only 6 but knows about the drugs and men. Just am vulnerable due to pneumonia and bio swooped in and took advantage. To hell with how i tell her and finding the words. Gonna say it like it is

Listen to the therapist. My granddaughter has improved so much since we cut her biomom (my dd) out of her life. It's been a tough road, and I have caved when my instincts told me not to, so I'm not passing judgment at all. I'm just telling you that letting the visits continue with the backlash after each visit got worse and worse with time.

I've found a new child psychologist who I'm meeting for the first time Tuesday. She does play therapy and all that for little kids, specializes in children of divorce, etc. so I am very hopeful she will bond with my granddaughter and help her work through her anger, attachment issues, etc.

Hang in there, stay strong and yes, your daughter chose not to parent so she has no room to whine.

We had a family dinner last night, and the topic of Pinky's two addicted cousins came up. Pinky said once again that she credits our "tough love" for helping her to straighten out. Even she said that her aunt is doing all of the wrong things by allowing her cousins to come back home, bailing them out of jail, etc. etc.

Who knows if that's true? But so far Pinky's hanging in there and her cousins are still deep into their addictions. I'm happy that Pinky at least validated our actions, because we were really, really tough on her. And we will be again, if she should start using again -- and she knows it.

I went through the same thing. It was hard for me to say no to my stepdaughter. But after getting legal guardianship I had to be strong. The kids are now my responsibility and its my job to protect them not Thier mother. So I wrote her a letter acknowledgeing that I allowed her to take advantage of me. But it had to change. I also said that it came from a place of love. She took it well. With a letter they can read if again and not make up what they think you said so letters work well.

VALIDATION, I think that's what I need the most & will likely never get.