Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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dianaconroy 01/08/2013

As many of you know we have guardianship of our 3 and 5 yr old grand kids. The visitation order calls for supervised visits at our discretion, but the bios have to give us 3 day notice. Since its at our discretion we asked the bios for a set schedule of every other weekend. Bio dad kept to that schedule for a few months and then 4 week ago we got an email that he's in a bad place, haven't heard back. Bio mom always has a reason why she can't make visits and on top of that will ask every time if she can visit on another day instead of her scheduled day. It's not fair because it means us adjusting our schedule only to have her flake.

I'm wondering if any if you have experience with the courts scolding you for not being flexible. I want to tell both bios that they need to adhere to the every other weekend schedule no Exceptions! If they miss Thier weekend day then they have to wait until the next time. Our current schedule is every other Saturday for Surragote and wvery other Sunday for Donor. It leaves us with a free weekend every other week.

GMaWilli 01/08/2013

Your plan sounds reasonable to me and when Child and Family Services is involved, they will usually set schedules and make the parents stick to them, so why shouldn't you have that same right? No judge should see that as being unreasonable. Just document, document, document. You could even make up a schedule, send it to them and ask them to sign and date it for the month - or send it to them registered receipt for a few months worth of visits. That way you can prove that you gave them a schedule, but they chose not to adhere to it. Most judges will see through BS excuses by the bios. Good luck!!!!!

GMaWilli 01/08/2013

And print out bio dad's email along with all correspondence and have it with you when you go to court.

BuffyS 01/08/2013

You get to call all the shots with that visitation order. I had the same thing in our custody paperwork. If the bios blow off visits or try to manipulate you, you are free to say, "No, that's not convenient. Let's meet up next Saturday" or whatever.

And whatever you do, don't tell the kids about their visits with the bios until you see their car or see them walk through the door. I can't tell you how many times my granddaughter was disappointed by last minute cancellations by her bios.

SaraBT 01/08/2013

I agree with Buffy - we never told the kids if Pinky planned to visit. Unless she showed up at our door, there was no visit.

I also agree that visitation is YOUR schedule. "Reasonable" can mean a lot of things. Once a month? If they can't adhere to the schedule you set, just make up a different one. I would think that as long as it's regular and "reasonable" you're covered.

Do you think that they would take you to court over visitation? I've mentioned before that we often wished Pinky would have taken us to court over our denials of visitation -- that would've meant that she cared about her kids. But as much as she would threaten, she never did a thing. We kept her from her kids for about 45 days, when we told her she had to call every single night before she could even think about seeing them. I'm sure she could've gotten a better schedule, but she didn't bother.

daisydduck 01/09/2013

Keep a log with date and time. If the want to know about visitation, just show them the log. I'm glad they gave you discretion. Don't hesitate to use it.

dianaconroy 01/09/2013

Thanks for all your replies. It makes me feel better, before I had guardianship I was afraid they would show up and pick up the kids. Now that we have guardianship I'm afraid they'll take us to court. But you're all right in that the likelyhood of that happening is zero to none.

Thanks for all your suggestions they're great.

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