Her behavior seems extreme. She may need more intensive therapy. Speak to counselor regarding inpatient therapy. Is facility you mentioned inpatient? This may be more than a discipline issue and she may need more help than you can give her.

Is she jealous of the baby?

I'm sure the testing will reveal something that may help you understand what's going on. I'm sure you've tried ignoring her outbursts? (Just walking away from her). It's so sad that children that young have to deal with issues - these bios just don't have a clue!

She is jealous of the baby or anyone who takes papa's or my time away from her even if we just spent the WHOLE DAY with just her!

We know she doesn't understand why mom doesn't call her more often, or come see her more, or keep her promises,etc. She has also asked a little about her birth father and why he isn't in the picture.

The place where she is getting help at right now is NOT an inpatient facility. I did get a phone call today and they are sending me a packet to fill out and then submit to them along with test scores, etc from the school to see where we go from here. Will she qualify for the FAS Clinic or not? Then there is the cost factor for it as well.

this evening went pretty well until we got home and she had to take a bath as tomorrow is picture day. I told her she HAD to wash her hair and that I think is what upset the apple cart so to speak. She sat in the livingroom and told me that she "COULD NOT WASH HER HAIR on her own" but then when I finally washed it in the tub she got upset and told me she "COULD WASH HER OWN HAIR". I told her oh well...that ship had sailed about 30 minutes ago since you are so tired and want to get to bed.

After about 20 minutes of being in bed and doing whatever, she
came in to show me something and was perfectly calm once more. That is probably the only good thing about her temper is that once it has blown, it is over with quickly until next time which could be 1 hr later or the next morning or night,etc.

She was very caring tonight on the ride home and kept telling me that she loved me, and how much she loves her new dance classes,etc. We had ate out but not at a place of her choosing but she did get a kids meal which she took in stride pretty well. So she does have her good pleasant sides as well. If I complement her, then she seems to really go off the deep end the opposite way so I try not to overly complement her on things.

So much of what you say about your gd sounds a lot like my oldest. Her last counselor told me she was not equipt to handle my gd and referred us to a person that specializes in Attachment Disorders. We have not met the new counselor yet but we are now second on her wait list which was 3 months long when we got on it. I was told a year ago her list was over a year long.

Many of these children are unconsciously trying to push us away, just to prove that they "deserved" being abandoned by their bios, especially their moms. So I suspect a lot of this is a test - to see how you'll react, whether you'll still love her and keep her. It's tough but these poor little children have no other way to express their fear.

SaraBT......you would think she would realize that isn't happening since we have had her since she was like 4-5 months old. Sometimes tho kids just don't get the obvious! *sigh*

I have an appt set up with her local doctor for a Kan Be Healthy visit this next week. The place that deals with FAS is supposedly sending me the paperwork to fill out and submit back to them along with all the test results from the school.Now to find a dentist that will take her state insurance, and I think I will have everything covered with her for the moment.

My son came up out of the blue to visit with his little girl. So this evening didn't go too bad as gd knows that uncle doesn't take no crap off of her and takes "no hostages" so to speak so she behaved pretty well this evening. She did get a little pushy in a sense but back off once son gave her that "look" of his.

thanks for all the space and comments!

Actuallwthey are testing g you to see if you too will throw them away, They usually a t out in s school to see if teacher willil abandon them also. We went through this with our grandson. At one point I just told him "no matter what you do, you cannot make us stop loving you". We agreed on rules that were discussed and consequences for breaking the rules. Normal discipline doesn't work because they have already suffered abuse, neglect and abandonment. Your granddaughter needs you to be firm but loving.

Their fear is so deep seated that it often comes out in very odd ways.

For example, I smoke cigs (I know, I know HAHA). EVERY SINGLE TIME I go out onto the deck to have a cig and read my book at least one kid finds a reason to come out as well. They have done this since we first got them 10 years ago and they still do it. They can be happily on their iPod, doing homework, eating dinner or watching TV. At some point one will stop what they're doing and come out on the deck.

I can't figure out any other explanation for it other than that they fear I'm going to keep walking or something.

Sounds like she might have an attachment disorder like my gs there is a good like on here someone just posted on attachment disorder and it tells you how to handle things too. I hope things get easier for you it must be hard with a little one 16 months too. I just have the one gs to deal with hes 6, and a handful. Good luck.

when I saw vent-7 year old i immediatly thought of my 7 year old granddaughter i am raising. I feel for you. I never know what is going to se her off but when she blows it is the same thing --she swears like a teenager or a sailor!, then she starts hitting, kicking running off, I just repaired a 4' x3' old window in my house she broke last week we went for a drive and she got mad at her brother for teasing her and out of the blue climbs over the seats and when I turned around to sea what was going on she punched me in the face it pushed my glasses onto my nose so hard it cut me. I said what in the world would cause a reaction like that and she saidshe hated me cause I let her brother tease her. an hour later she loves me. it wears me out and makes me so sad.

mima5....I feel for you! At least mine isn't that physical or hateful yet Thank God!

On the other hand, I have a meeting with the school this Thursday (10/9) to see what the results are from all the testing they did on her right after school started this year. I received an update on her grades so far this year and they are really good...mostly A's but a couple of B's. So she is doing something right at least part of the time!

She had her counseling session tonight and I wonder if the counselor didn't see something different in her. The counselor asked me how the last few days had gone and I told her," well she is still alive". I told the counselor that she has just been hell on wheels lately with not listening to me,lying,etc. The counselor is going to see if she can make it to the meeting on Thursday afternoon at the school.

I just hope we are going to get a few answers about what is going on with her and how to handle her.

Have you tried being very forceful?

On the one or two occasions when one of our kids wouldn't stop "back talk" I got right in their face and said "You will NOT speak to me like that. It is disrespectful and rude and I will NOT tolerate it."

I think the shock of me raising my voice got to them, because they never did it again. :-)

When they acting out, remain calm and walk away. When she is finished, tell her you love her. Ask if you can have a hug. Even if she does not responsible d the first time, try again. Her acting out behavior is her cry for help. The therapists and educators mY co.e up with plans Utah you need to bond with her. You need to show her you love her no matter what. Don't show your frustrations because she cannot help you. She needs you to be strong, and loving. I used this with my grandson and it worked. He is 24 and successful. Only my husband and I k ow how much he has had to handle. It's very hard for these kids and we need to realize how different it is from raising.our bio children.

I really feel for you....my 7 yr old grandson has these anger outbursts daily. It is wearing me out. I know when my gs goes to his counselor as soon as we get in the car it starts. I know it all has to do with the discussions about his dad. I have finally told him that when he is really angry and I am angry and frustrated that we both need a time out. It seems to be working for now. I also went through the Love and Logic parenting course...I know a lot of parents don't like the methods but with him it the choice and consequence is working. not 100 percent of the time but we are getting there.