When she gets her "place" are you going to give her back to her?

Just thinking ahead and if she has custody even though the gd has stayed with you, I think all she would need to do is get a sheriff and pick up her daughter if you don't have some sort of legal custody. I don't think just something in writing without a judges signature would be enough.

I could be wrong though.

However, I don't know the back story here so maybe her getting her own place and life straight to get her back is what the goal is?

please protect your gd. anything in writing that is not a "legal" document is heresay and is not as good as the paper it is written on

100 won't cover diapers and formula and you have no guarantee she will live up to her word

what happens when she changes her mind, takes gd and doesn't bring her back. you don't have any rights at that point and you have to start all over trying to protect that little baby again.

be careful

I agree with the others, if you don't have some sort of legal custody then whenever your dd gets the idea to take her daughter she will be there and there will be nothing you can do.

Perhaps after she actually moves out you can have an appt with an atty to get something legal, you might even have to say she abandoned your gd to make sure the baby is safe and in your custody.

scgramma,
i dont totally agree with some of the others as i am going through something similar. the gd came to live with me and i went to a lawyer and got legal papers that were signed by the bios and notary. now this document will not give me full custody, but the longer the gd lives with me the better it looks to the judge. only you can decide if your grand baby is ready to go back to the biomom. if you feel like giving back the baby is unsafe and you have that paper and the biomom comes to get the baby call the cops show them the agreement and explain how long the daughther has been gone. i bet they side with you! i know here they would! if the dd came here tonight i would call the cops and the dd would make a scene and the cops would make her leave or even cart her to jail and leave the baby with me. anyhow that is how it works here. that is of course both the grand parents and the bio is messed up then they go to the state.

if she does not have a place of her own u can get temp custody without a lawyer and the court appoints agl and then u work with your dd to work out a plan for the child returning to her care if your gd gets hurt u can not get medical treatment for her without the moms concent i sat at the er for 4 hours while they tried to get in touch with my dd before they could treat my gs

sorrry hit button to soon also the gal watches over the family to make sure she is compling with the court orders i have become good friends with my gal

This is really a tough one, scgramma. But I'm glad she is going and you are getting SOME support - will she actually pay you the money?

I'm curious as to why you do not wish to go through CSS?

DSS has said they don't see grounds for her to lose custody. If I push it, she will take gd with her when she goes. If I get custody, she will have no money, and the state TANF will only give me 55$ a month, because that's the second child. Plus with her out of the house, I will start getting my gs 155$ a month again. Huge help.

Honestly, I don't want her to lose the benefits. Neither does she. If I try to take custody, she will lose benefits, so she'll fight it alot more.
Even me gaining custody would cost me, and her. It may keep her from taking child, but it SEEMS like she knows she can't really handle the baby right now. I doubt she will be able to any time soon.
Frankly, I think she is BPD and hopefully the therapist will be able to help her in some way. The fact she left baby with me all weekend speaks volumes to me, that she really knows she can't deal with it, and if she takes baby, she won't have daycare.
All of this could change in future, but for this month, I think this is for the best THIS MONTH. will re-assess later.
My main concern for her taking baby with her, is I don't trust her friends. She chooses friends badly. ddmom wont hurt her kids, but I dont like the partiers she hangs with.
If/when she gets her own place, I actually doubt she will take baby for long( less than a few days) (unless she gets a JOB) because she cant handle baby and wants her in daycare, which she cant afford without job.
I believe she likes the fact I am taking care of the children, because its less for her to deal with, and with me insisting, she can blame it on me. Once when I asked if she wanted me to take the baby, she was crying about not wanting everyone to think she is a bad weak mother, but she did want me to take the baby....Kinda like suicide by cop......My mom is making me leave the baby with her or she'll call dss, is a great defense for her.

Also, i've been paying daycare for 3 months, if she leaves the baby with me another 3-6 months, and I dont think she's ready, a judge could lean my way.

I am not sure how much advice I can give you other than what has already been said, other than to offer an observation about "some" moms.

If they find themselves "free," they often feel less and less maternal. It already sounds like she is willing to use you as the reason she is a "better" mother, so give her the opportunity to run and play as much as she wants. She may decide that she likes it better than changing diapers and paying bills.

OOOP, typo..."is NOT a better mother..."