Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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horsepad 08/01/2011

Well I worried over this for nothing. She was a no show. Never called, nothing. I should have known. She does this all the time. Why sometimes I believe her, I'll never understand. I had decided to let them go but tell her if she speaks inappropriately or screams or sleeps all day etc. while they are there I will withhold visitation. Well at least I didn't have to deal with the fight that would have resulted from me telling her that!!!

I will never understand how a mom can treat her children they way she does. I am glad she didn't call, less stress and drama for me!

SaraBT 08/01/2011

I'm glad she didn't show. You would have worried the entire time -- and for good reason. And please don't take this the wrong way, but the worry would have been because you created it -- by going against your instincts and allowing them to go :-)

Now you have another reason not to let them go. If she didn't even show up to get them for the visit, how can you believe she'll "show up" when they need her at her place?

deleted_user 08/01/2011

Horse pad-glad it worked out that way. It sounds like an unsupervised visit is not wise if she behaves like that. If I were you I would not cause myself the grief and not even entertain the possibility of such visits.

GMaWilli 08/01/2011

Perfect grounds for saying NO to the next request for an unsupervised visit. She would have to see them on MY terms, and SUPERVISED, and I don't think I would even tell the children until you arrive and see her walking up!!!!!

SaraBT 08/01/2011

Gma, that's what we had to do with Pinky for years. We never told the kids she was coming to visit until she actually pulled up our driveway. We got SO tired of the kids getting disappointed because she didn't show up.

horsepad 08/02/2011

I don't tell the girls when their mom says she is visiting because she is not dependable, but she "promises" the girls she'll visit. Yesterday, granddaughter said: but mom and grandpa promised we could spend the night. I told her some people don't keep promises.

And now I do have another reason to say no next mommy and grandpa say they will have the girls overnight. Thanks everyone for helping me when I second guess my decisions.

GMaWilli 08/02/2011

I'm at the same place. No longer telling my GS when I'm expecting a visit from one of his parents. He can just be surprised when they actually do come over from now on. Mommy just came back into the picture after being MIA for 5 months. He's thrilled to see her again, but if she walks away from him one more time for months on end; I don't think I'm going to welcome her back so easily. I've made that clear, so we'll see how it goes.

SaraBT 08/02/2011

Horsepad, one thing that worked for us was when Pinky called and said she wanted to see "her" kids. This was after five years of being unreliable when it came to phone calls and visits. I'd had it!!!!

I told her that she could not visit the kids UNLESS she called every day for 30 straight days in order to prove that she would be reliable. (Somehow I decided that was "reasonable." HAHAHA)

She did, and then we let her see the kids. She has been visiting every weekend for more than a year.

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