Sorry. Spell check and fat fingers made errors:( just a tad stressed.......

Cutting them off while they're behaving like that can make your life so much better!

We did that with Pinky every time she was getting high or being erratic with the kids. We told her that she couldn't see the kids until she called them every single night for 30 days. If she missed one call, the count started all over again. Oh, she threatened to take us to court and said "I'll win -- the judge will go my way and I WILL see my kids." But we knew she'd never follow through.

In fact, we were hoping she'd take us to court for visitation -- if nothing else, it would show that she was serious about having a relationship with them.

Never happened. And in the meantime, life was way more manageable for us.

I don't accommodate. If she wants see them all the effort is on her side, it saves me grief. We live about 1hour away so on a weekend I might meet her half way if she initiates. I don't offer, the snubbing at my suggestions just so irked me I won't do it any more.

Exactly, Mystery.

We're already "accommodating" beyond any reasonable standard by raising their kids! We should give into them even more?

That's what I always try to remember when Pinky wants us to "understand" her need to skip a visit because she has "important" things to do. Excuse me????!?!?!?!?!?! There are so many "important" things that I can't do whenever I want to do them BECAUSE I'M RAISING YOUR THREE KIDS!!!!

Jeeeze, they just don't get it, do they?

You're right Sara, they just don't get it (or they just don't care!). My son called a few days ago and whined about how much he misses his kids and can he see them on Sunday. I told him I had something to do but he could call on Sunday and come to see them. Of course he never called until nearly nine oclock and I asked him what happened to the visit his reply was, "I couldn't make it, I slept all day". My reply was "it must be nice!'. I have been fighting bronchitis for the last 2 weeks, but I still have to get up and take care of kids, cook, clean, etc. No sleeping all day for me. I am amazed at how stupid they can be to even tell us things like that!

My son actually visited for a couple of hours on Sat. My 5 yo cried his little eyes out when it was time for his "dad" to go. I feel sorry for my 5 yo & annoyed at the same time. My son doesnt deserve his tears or his empty promises either. If he hadn't came by my 5 yo wouldnt have shed any tears that day. Its so hard.......these kids love their bios. Im envious of those of you with little ones who are mature enough & emotionally strong enough to see their bios for who they truly are & have been. Most of them will have to be fully grown before that happens.

I've gotten to the point where my two don't shed a year for Thier bios. As soon as its confirmed that they're coming I pull the kids aside and explain that the visit will be short and usually plan a short outing to distract them. So I'll say some like daddy is visiting for a short time today and them we have plans to go to aunties house, or ice cream or whatever happens to be the plan. It has stopped crying completely to then point were bio mom will repeat over and over again that she's leaving in hopes if getting a reaction. I finally pulled her aside and asked why she would want them to cry? To make herselve feel better? Amazing!!

From MysteryInc "" I don't accommodate. If she wants see them all the effort is on her side, it saves me grief. We live about 1hour away so on a weekend I might meet her half way if she initiates. I don't offer, the snubbing at my suggestions just so irked me I won't do it any more. "

We don't accommodate anymore either. I told my dd months ago, after she told me to get over myself, that she is to make the contact with her children, they will not be calling her.

I told her, you know where we live and you know the rules. Call the Wednesday of the week you want to come see them. If you don't call by Wednesday night, we make plans for the weekend.

I told her show up sober AND clean or no visits.

I told her IF you don't like these guidelines, then take us to court and we can see what the judge has to say about this as well. Hmmm she rarely calls them, has seen them a total of 291.25 hours in 6 years.

Wow Mimi ! I am really impressed by your documenting skills. I'm guilty of being lax on that BUT it is my resolution for the year to write it all down.