Our gs called us bobby and daiisy from early on. There wa no change until we adopted him and he just started calling us mom and dad. I felt like i was cheating my deceased daughter of her rightful position. While you feel permanent guardianship protecs you, the parent can challenge guardianship at any time. Typically bio mom gets hooked up w druggy bf who sees entitlement money for kids and urges mom to fight for custody. However adopting removes financial assistance frpm state. Personally i feel if you're comfortable w nana let it be. Allow your gc to chnge at his timing. Kids w be curios about gp raising gc butthe kids nonotice difference anyways. My gs was 16 when my first book was published. My bio on the back noted i have three children. My gs (now son) pointed out mistake stating "you have four children".

Because I'm a Baby Boomer I hated the term "Grandmom" anyway - LOL! So when our grandchildren were born they started calling me Mom-Mom and my husband Pop.

That came in handy when we got custody, because they can easily shorten it to "Mom" whenever they want. They call Pinky Mommy.

My 6 yo adopted calls me mawmaw, momma, & sometimes mom. 2 yo is pretty much doing the same. 2 yo used to call my daughter momma, too. When she had to move out in Nov & i got guardianship, I started referring to her as mommy & taught him to as well. Now both boys call their bio moms Mommy. I know what you mean about your feelings. How often will she see the child? I would probably base my decision on that. If shes going to see her regularly you might just want to reserve "mommy" for her? Child can still call you mom or momma, or the other way around if you prefer.......

You have a smart therapist. I agree with her. Our grandkids call us mom and dad and they are very well adjusted. Thy dont have to deal with questions about why Thier not with mommy and daddy at an age when they are not just to young to have to explain, but when they shouldn't have too. We're Thier parents, we're mommy and daddy sometimes. We've earned it and they deserve to feel normal . Not to mention that now that we're moving towards adoption the fact that they consider us mom and dad is huge! It doesn't guarantee that Thier parents fights will be terminated but it makes a good case. Not to mention that by them calling us mom and dad is in Thier best interest. Kids deserve to fel normal, in our house we don't remind thm that they have a mommy and daddy that were to selfish to care for them, we never talk bad about Thier parents. We never tell thm if Thier coming to visit until Thier actually there and we don't make them feel that Livia anything but nomal. So far, so good. We know felings will come up, and we'll face them head on. But at our home this is the new normal. We're mom and dad.

My gs was calling me mom and my husband and ddmom kept correcting him. 6 years later he's calling me gramma. I've given up on ddmom getting her kids back. If I had it to do over I would have let him call me mom and her mommy. I am his parent. I have the job, the responsibility the work.
I want to adopt but probably never will because he has a semblance of a relationship with her. I'm sorry but at this point I feel robbed and taken advantage of and under appreciated
I've had him since he was 1, and that's longer than he can remember

This is a very interesting discussion, as I thought only I had this issue. GD often calls me mom, mommy, etc, as well as grammy, grams, grandmother, etc. I have (sort of) drilled into her that it's ok to call me mom, so long as she knows who her real mother is. Now thinking about what's normal around her, I have to rethink this all. She has been with us (guardianship till 18) for about 6 months. Both parents are still using. Dad sees her often, but mom is now only about once in 3 weeks, so time is dwindling. But it still feels weird to think they will not get her back, so 'permanent guardianship' feels so tentative, like walking on eggshells. Just want to do what's best for gd. Bm is not my problem.

All I can say is that allowing our grandkids to call us
mom, is ok it's who we are to them. I almost consider it cruel to tell a small child that they can't.call us what they feel we are to them. It's as if we were saying "stop calling us mom and dad we're not your mom and dad! How cruel would that be. These kids don't know any better. They didn't ask to be put in this situation so why drag them into it? I just pray to god everyday that he protect these children. I return I promise to treat them as my own and that's what I do. They are my own, I am mom.

I don't think I mind what he calls me either way. He has only seen his bm once in two years, it's anyone's guess if or when she will see him again. But she does call sporadically. He has started to learn that mom is more than a name. For the past few months when we play he wants me to be the mommy dog, cat, dinosaur, car you name it, and he is the baby and I have to look after the baby in a variety of ways. A little over a year ago he began to talk and he started calling me mom. Perhaps naively thinking mom would get it together and not wanting to confuse him we corrected him. This was something I've come to regret. A couple weeks ago on his b-day we were preparing him for a call with bm ( he had been refusing to talk to her) and he said that's you nana, yours J's mom. The day after court he was having a hard time, he burst into tears upset that I left the day before and he was scared I wasn't coming back because I was gone for a long time. I promised him that I love him forever. Later in the day he says nana you is my mommy because you love me and protect me forever and ever and you never leave J cuz mommies don't leave there babies forever and ever. Broke my heart. I think I will just open the door and let him know that he can call me mom if he wants. Mom is a power word and though I don't often think of myself in terms of any such title whether nana or mom. He is just my boy and I love him dearly. But sometimes when I think of myself as nana doing the mom job it does intice negative feelings to emerge. It makes me mourn the loss of the life I thought I was going to have and the things I've given up. Because I don't do a nana job, I don't just get to have fun and hand him back. I don't get to sleep threw the night, or pee in peace. I run around like a mad woman during nap time get all the cleaning done and if I'm luckily sneak in a quick shower because I'm far to exhausted by the time he is in bed. I talk him threw his many anxieties, calm him threw his meltdown.Being nana isn't suppose to be this much work.

Exactly what I mean. Because he was corrected my gs calls me gramma. I miss when he called me mom. I am providing everything. Husband works out of town all week , comes home on weekends. Homework, school drop offs, sports. Everything I provide . I work full time and pay day care. My other daughter has a baby . I introduced him as my first grandchild to my sister in law who raised her grands . She gets it , if I have to do everything, provide everything Be there when they wake up at midnight with bad dreams, bathe feed tuck them in, make sure they have enough clothes, have done their homework , yet I'm just gramma and mom who never sacrificed anything for them, boyfriends and friends come first, playing mommy when she feels like it and promising them they will move to Hawaii and Disneyland REaLLY and then. There's the.facebook poses WOW

And who has to comfort them while they cry for their absent worthless bios , that's my job too !

DH and I have had our now 7 yo GD since she was 4 mos old. Her mother, who is our daughter, believed she would get her back. She talked about it constantly, but only talked the talk, never walked the walk. Her visits were sporadic. When she would come over to our house she acted like a doting auntie come for a visit with her favorite little girl, gushing and all attentive, for about 10 minutes. Then she'd take pills and pass out.

This went on for 2 1/2 years, until she died of an overdose, one month before GD's 3rd birthday. GD never asked about her, never missed her, never noticed she no longer came to visit, because Grandma and Grandpa were her stability and security.

GD always called our daughter Mommy, because that's what DD called herself and how we referred to her. GD called us Grandma and Grandpa. One day about 9 months or so after her mother's death GD said to me, "I'm gonna call you mommy." Blindsided me, unexpectedly, right out of the blue. Fortunately I recovered quickly and replied, "You can call me mommy if you want to because I take care of you like a mommy. I do all the things for you that your mommy isn't here to do for you. And I am a mommy. I'm your uncle's and aunt's mommy. I'm your mommy's mommy. And now I'm your mommy, too, because you're my little girl." She especially loves it when I tell her how lucky she is to have 2 mommies.

She's called us mommy and daddy ever since. We've always made sure she knows that her mommy is our daughter, but since she's in Heaven now, we're doing her job. GD has always accepted this without question and I know it gives her a great deal of security. Kids want to be like their peers and I'm pretty sure she told me what she did that day because of hearing kids at preschool talking about their mommies and daddies.

We have since adopted her, which really hasn't changed anything, other than knowing we never have to worry about her SpermDonor trying to get custody.

It feels pretty weird, though, looking at a birth certificate that states I gave birth when I was 53. ;-)

My counselor said the same thing as yours. She said it could cause emotional problems for my two granddaughters down the road since their bio mom isn't here. She didn't feel it was healthy to refer to their bio as their mom because she isn't a mom and it could cause resentment and bitterness. The girls were 3 and 5 when they came to live with me and they knew their mom. I asked them what made them more comfortable granddma or mom. They said grandma so that's what they call me. I adopted the girls last year but they kept their mom's last name even though they wanted my last name. I explained to them the needed to keep their biological last name because that is who they are (I had remarried and am now a widow). I didn't feel they should change their name to mine because of family heritage. God bless you.

plevans, your story reminded me of my gs when he was 4 yrs old. His mother (our daughter) died when he was 14 mos old He and dad lived with us until he was almost 5. Dad was allowing gs to come into his bed until he met a woman and abruptly stopped allowing him into his bed. Gs was crying and dad was forcefully putting him back into his own bed. When I heard him yelling that he would hit him if he didn't stop crying, I was up the stairs and put myself between dad and gs telling dad there was a better way to handle this. He stomped off and I turned to gs, tucked him into his bed and assured him it was okay. He was not convinced. I picked up the statue of Mary holding infant Jesus and told him the Blessed Mother would watch over him and that he was especially lucky that his Mom was in heaven too watching over him. I again started to leave the room and he said:" but.....Daisy, it's nice that my mom is in heaven but I sorta need somebody down here". I promised him I would be here if he needed me and he finally went to sleep in his bed. They just need the love they are entitled to.

daisydduck - that is amazing that a child so young could verbalize his needs so concisely.