Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I have 3 grandsons,2 of which I have full custody of.The 3rd one is 4 months old and is the son of my youngest son.My son turned 18 in December and the mother turns 18 in June.
My problem is that I DON'T KNOW WHAT i should do if anything for my little grandbaby.They live with the mothers family[grandparents,parents and brother]. The house is NASTY,there are 6 dogs[including a pitbull]and 8 cats in the house and no one cleans up after them and their not housebroken.The toilet is black when it should be white.There is always dirty dishes everywhere even molded.To my son's and gf's credit they do try to keep the basement where they spend most if their time fairly clean but the rest of the house is filthy!!Almost every time they bring the baby to stay few days with me I have to bathe him and scrub his head for cradle cap.WHEN I get mad and raise hell about him being dirty they tell me that her parents won't allow them to give him a bath.Their excuse is that they are afraid he will get sick because the house is old and drafty.Her prents drink alot and mistreat both her and my son,but they beg me not to do anything about it for fear that they will try to take their baby.They have threatened to do it several times.The kids love their baby and I TRULY BELEIVE THEY WOULD DO BETTER IF THEY WERE AWAY FROM her parents.I have tried to tell them that if they would allow me to do something about it the court would go see the house and allow her[the gf]to come live with us until she is of age.But they are so scared of loosing the baby.I have also tried to tell the that if dcs gets called they WILL take the baby away.
Please Help ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My problem is that I DON'T KNOW WHAT i should do if anything for my little grandbaby.They live with the mothers family[grandparents,parents and brother]. The house is NASTY,there are 6 dogs[including a pitbull]and 8 cats in the house and no one cleans up after them and their not housebroken.The toilet is black when it should be white.There is always dirty dishes everywhere even molded.To my son's and gf's credit they do try to keep the basement where they spend most if their time fairly clean but the rest of the house is filthy!!Almost every time they bring the baby to stay few days with me I have to bathe him and scrub his head for cradle cap.WHEN I get mad and raise hell about him being dirty they tell me that her parents won't allow them to give him a bath.Their excuse is that they are afraid he will get sick because the house is old and drafty.Her prents drink alot and mistreat both her and my son,but they beg me not to do anything about it for fear that they will try to take their baby.They have threatened to do it several times.The kids love their baby and I TRULY BELEIVE THEY WOULD DO BETTER IF THEY WERE AWAY FROM her parents.I have tried to tell them that if they would allow me to do something about it the court would go see the house and allow her[the gf]to come live with us until she is of age.But they are so scared of loosing the baby.I have also tried to tell the that if dcs gets called they WILL take the baby away.
Please Help ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In WI, the CPS will not take the child away if both the mom and dad want them and want to keep him - no matter what the living arrangement. It would be best if her parents would sign consent, of course, but if that is not possible.....
For sure, I'd tell them to get out the MINUTE she turns 18. To have everything in place, a place ready to live, and move out on that day or very shortly within a day or two.
But honestly, if she is that close to turning 18, I don't think CPS would do anything except maybe verify her story. They are just not going to bother spending all of that money for someone who is going to be of legal age in 3 months. By the time she got into the system she'd be out!
That is my guess, but GUESS only. Of course, if you could hire a lawyer, it'd be much better! I'd suggest you at least go in for a free initial consultation with one and see what they recommend.
Best of love to you all! {{HUGS}}
If nothing else, you would be able to watch them up-close and personal to see how they are with the baby. Then, if it doesn't work out, they may be willing to leave the little one with you.
My husband's daughter realized she was not able to take care of her three kids, so she was grateful that someone would step in and take care of them. Unfortunately, I think she believes we're just "babysitting" until she gets her act together, but we don't think that will happen now.
But the few times she was clean and lived with us we did enjoy a break. She was an excellent mother when she was straight...
I have already offered them to come live with us and I really beleive that with the right support and training they would be wonderful parents.They do love their baby very much and there is no drugs of any kind involved,both of them are clean and have never done any drugs that I know of.
The real problem is her parents.Her mother uses crying and guilt trips on her and if that doesn't work she uses threats.The father uses yelling sreaming and cursing to keep her there scared and upset all the time.Along with all this she is trying to finish her senior year of high school.She will graduate in MAY.
Oh, how I wish my husband's daughter had just hit a glitch and wasn't a druggie. It would change everything! She could live with us, get her GED, a job, and MOVE OUT WITH THE KIDS when she was finally ready :-)
Then we could be grandparents again.
Oh, if only...
IMO - you need to REMOVE them from the situation. I know your son is 18, but she is not. If you take the police with you, unannounced, and they see the living conditions, you should have no problems. You can't let them get a breath of it, tho, or they'll clean the place up!
If they are being held by threats and abuse, it's not going to change when she turns 18. My daughter has several friends who have left home before 18 as Seniors. They are not having any issues with CPS or the police, unless they get into trouble of their own, of course.
I'm sorry, I forget if you are married. If you are, you need to take your hubby over there and the two of you need to get them out. Let HIM do the talking. If you are not, take a pastor who you know will stand his ground or a close male family friend. I say male, because I'm sure the other gf won't listen to a female. Let them pack a quick bag, grab what they need for the baby and leave the rest to be picked up at a future date if at all.
They made some hard choices and are making some, but their life doesn't have to be harder than it is. If they move in with you your son can provide extra income and feel good about contributing to the family and his gf can help you around the house when not in school. If it is at all possible, it sounds like a wonderful solution to me. It might be crowded, but it will only be temporary! And what a chance to teach them to be parents and adults! :) Just think of the possibilities of what you could teach them - financial management - savings, checkbook, bill management - cooking and nutrition skills - baby raising skills - house cleaning skill - even how to do the laundry! :) What a blessing this would be!
But again, this is just MO because I don't know your situation, only what you've told us here. There is wisdom in many counsellors. Seek out the wisest you have and consult them. Whether she is 18 or not, you may end up doing this.