It's that kind of attitude by the courts that has be disgusted with everything in America these days.

EVERYBODY gets another chance, even when it's obvious that another chance is ridiculous and consequences are long overdue. But if you're the one trying to do the right thing you get smacked down for the first wrong thing you do.

Pinky has been arrested so many times for drugs -- NOT ONCE did she spend a moment in jail. NOT ONCE was she even ordered to do community service. Probation, probation and outright dismissal of charges every single time. Which, of course, made her feel invincible so she continued her life of drugs.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Did you and/or your gc have legal representation? What was reason for court to give them the 90 days? You s/have a lawyer to petition for your rights and gal to petition for the children's rights and present the case that parents are not meeting the best interests of the child(ren). If the lawyers did not present this to the judge, the judge will rule for the bios. Make yourself aware of the Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (P.L. 110-351). Also look for Beverly Tran's statement regarding the act. If I find additional links, I will post them. Grandparents need to educate themselves in what is happening on grandparents raising grandchildren today. While the federal government is involved, the state holds the power. Therefore, look up your state supreme court and find decisions on grandparents visiting and/or raising their grandchildren. Hope this helps.

I've been fostering my GS for over 3.5 years. I am just now in the adoption phase. It usually does take a LONG time to get the courts to finally make a decision to terminate rights.

PS - my GS's bios were given 3 years.........I hope yours ONLY get another 90 days. The problems really start when they make some piddly-a$$ effort and that is looked upon favorably by some judge and so the judge gives them ANOTHER 90 days, and on & on it can go. I agree - get some legal representation.

I agree gama. Even though we have legal custody and temporary supervised visits for his mother we know that my gs mother wants to try to get him back. She keeps trying to go straight and sometimes she does for a few months but it never lasts and our greatest fear is a judge wanting to give her another chance. She discarded him once (sorry for that phrase but that is exactly what she did) and if you can do that once you will do it again. If more people realized what grandparents were actually trying to do which is protect and raise a child maybe we could get some help from the judicial branch. I worry every time we present our case. We have too much to lose....a great kid

I think the answer is to keep hounding our congresspeople, senators, whoever.

Endangering a child's welfare should be taken so much more seriously, and just because someone gave birth to the kid shouldn't give them pass after pass. A bad parent can be as bad as a child molester, because they can mess up the kid for life.

We need to get our court systems to realize that not everyone is meant to be a parent. And if family members are willing and able to do the job right, they should be given the legal ability to do so, without having to prove that they have this or that in their homes. After all, nobody ever asked the bios if they had guardrails, window screens or outlet covers.

One would think that we'd be encouraged -- after all, we're keeping our various governments from spending even more money, by raising our own grandchildren. And if these judges and social workers would think about it for a minute, they'd understand that we're not doing this because we want to "steal" our grandchildren from the bios. Daggone, we have so many other things we'd rather be doing.

We're simply trying to do the right thing. It's as simple as that.

We need to unify our efforts and find laws to support us

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you all. God bless

I know that I am going against the grain but I think that the biological parents should have a chance to get their children back. I firmly believe all children should be with their natural parents if at all possible. I know addiction has a big affect on children but I also know that being taken from your parents also does. Think how great you will feel if you have a hand in helping the recovery of the parents and reuniting the children with their parents.. To me that would be more gratifying than raising my Grandchildren... I am here to protect my grandchildren but she is my child first and I will do whatever it takes to help her.

Kjay, I would agree with you 100% -- except that I've never seen an example of an addict bio getting their kids back. Oh, maybe if they just became addicted and immediately went into rehab?

But most of "our" bios have been addicts for many years. I don't know of even one who (a) recovered for any real length of time and (b) recovered to the point where they could do as good a job with their kids as we have been doing. Usually their brains suffer permanent damage after years of drug/alcohol use.

I know in our case it's just too late. We have now had our grandchildren for longer than Pinky ever did. It's just too late. No matter how well Pinky does, she cannot handle the homework, answer their simplest questions, etc. etc. well enough to have 100% responsibility for them.

Kids aren't casually removed from bio family. Research some of the many tragic results that have occured as a result of kids being returned to bios, just so bios can have another chance. The innocent children's needs for secure and safe environment comes first ! In a perfect world all bios would be capable of providing a loving and stable environment - but we're not living in a perfect world.

You would be surprised how many parents do get it together.. Now I do agree they will never be as good as us and the reason being is that we look at things through different eyes, we are the Grandparents. Experience has a lot to say for itself. That is why they call this our do over.

Kjay, I believe that everyone would rather see reunification than taking the children away. In fact, the court supports that, as we all know. Overall, I'm afraid the success stories are few and far between. There are always different circumstances and perhaps only one parent gets clean and reunites with their children, but statistically, reunification fails and puts the children at risk of attempting to deal with their parent's addiction and too many times, abuse and/or neglect. There is a book: Addiction is a Choice by Jeff Schaler. His theory is that addiction is a behavior and therefore it is a choice. He notes that there are not enough studies to support it as a disease. But the facts are well stated in this group....it rarely works in getting the family back together.

I wish that was the case (the bios getting themselves together) but it's not. The mother is in another state using drugs and destroying her life right now. The father has not showed up for the last three parenting time visits.....What more does the court need? I understand that the bios should be given an opportunity to straighten up, but how long? 2 years? 3 years? 10 years? A child's life should not have to be in limbo until one of the parents straighten up. They need nurturing, protection and permanency as soon as possible. I know it happens but I haven't seen it happen (bios getting it together and getting their kids back) My thoughts...Strength through christ.

kjaynev, maybe your story will be the one exception to the rule on this board. We all started out with pretty much the same hopes and desires as yours. Of course, our bios were our children first, but our grandbabies are helpless and have no voice of their own or choice to make, so THEY deserve to be considered first and foremost above the adult bios. They need our protection and it has killed each and every one of us who has had to choose our grandbabies over our adult kids, but our adult kids have left us with no other choice. As I said, though, there are exceptions, & I pray that your daughter is the one. Best wishes for 2013 & God's angels watch over your loved ones.