Do not tell the girl's mom, but do talk with your grandson. You can show him a path of self respect so he will not feel he has to express himself in that manner. That being said, times are different from when you and I were kids and different from when our kids were young. Porn is very easy to get for kids of any age. We put blocks on our computer for our grandson but he was smart enough to get around them. I finally put a password in and that worked pretty well. He never figured out the password which was: "kevin, don't do that!". We spoke frequently about respecting girls. Two things that worked with his behavior. Not doing something just because it is wrong to do it and telling him that no matter what his actions we would still love him even when he did things we did approve of (guild trip!). The respect he has your way of life is imperative. Understand that when he walks out that door, he is faced with many "opportunities" we never expected to be a part of our lives. Lastly, educate yourself to what's happening with teens today. Attitudes towards sex are different today. Make sure he understands protection. Offer to buy condoms if necessary. He probably won't take you up on it but should appreciate your understanding. Google "teens and sex" and you'll get an eyeful!

Thanks for the reply Daisy. I have talked and talked to him about sex, protection, waiting, etc...
He been "dating" this girl for about 9 months and tells me last night that he wants her to be pregnant so he can have his own family....yes my jaw hit the floor! we have attempted counselling several times and been told over and over if he won't talk we can't do much at this point. So last night he starts telling me all kinds of stuff, about things that happened and his anger toward his parents, etc, etc...
So I have had quite a week!

Hopefully the doors will open to communication. It sounds like he respects you. Ask him how he will support a family. He's looking for security. It's admirable that he understands the importance of parental love. Don't criticize him but reason with him that preparing himself is the best way to achieve his dreams. At 12 he had already developed but in a bad situation. Keep talking to him.

A lot of questions came to my mnd. 1st did he just come out and tell you or did you catch him in the act? Does he share with you all the time or is this something new. I know that he will not share with the thearpist now but with the right one and enough time he may. My now 9 year old did not share anything of value for the first year and then after trust and a good threapist he has opened up. Now he is on a as need bases with her. I have to wonder if he isnt testing you to see if you will still love him? I know my 9year old is much young but he has seen,heard more then most children his age. He had to be the adult at the age of 3, so it took some to desensitze him and for him to learn how to be a child. I agree with daisydduck keep the line of communication open. I would buy the condoms keep them on hand encourage adstinence. maybe there is some way for him to care for small children he would see how much work there is he may change his mind. Ask him what his family would look like? how many children, how would he support his family? Where would they live. some of his answers may help you to learn why he feels the need to start a family.

I'd like to add one thing. Keep in his face. Be loving but send the message that you are watching him to protect him from poor choices. When my sister passed away, I inherited her four kids for awhile. The three boys were convinced I had eyes in the back of my head to the point they snuk up behind me one afternoon as I read the paper and started to part my hair to find the eyes! The message needs to be: "I care and I'm here". btw, we started through counseling several times only to have gs clam up. However, we followed up at home and he began to speak up. At these ages, kids are trying to find their identity and need direction.

I saw a text message to his gf. So when I confronted him, he told me and i believe with that being out, and I didn't freak out (well, maybe a little), like he expected me too, he just started talking over the next few days as we have discussed this situation.
I have told him that we are here for him and will be here regardless of what happens. I think there are so many things that he is dealing with, the more I learn what all was going on in that house, the more I realize what these kids went through. They have been seen and heard so much from the very people that were suppose to be protecting them.
I think the need to start a family is because he believes that if he has his own family, there will always be people that love him. He is very controllong with this gf. He says he loves her more than anything and will do anything to be with her. He told me that she reminds him of my mom, who he was very close to and that she, like my mom makes him feel better about life. I know he loves me and he knows I love him, I just think some of the mind games that were played with him during my trying to get custody have confused him, alot!

I had the same thing with my now 10 year old GD with the therapist, she has just now started feeling safe enough to talk.

I have always done that Daisydduck. He knows i am always watching. That is what is so horrible for me, we had been working on trust, me trusting him. He and this GF are never left alone at my house or when we go anywhere and they are together. They have been to an adult supervised party together without me. So the 4th of July, they wanted to go watch fireworks at a friends house, with adults and other kids there. So I was like ok, I know most of the people there, they should be ok.
i watch email, text, phone calls etc and I tell him it is because I care, not because I don't trust him. We have talked often about poor choices and taking responsiblity for your choices. We have talked about STD and Gods plan for marriage and children. I actually can't think of anything that I haven't talked to him about.

As for him being in a hurry to start a family, maybe you can ask him what kinds of things he wishes his parents would have done differently for him & then get him to understand that if he wants to be a better parent to his children than his parents were to him, that it's crucial he meets certain milestones & goals first. Try to convince him that having babies puts alot of pressure on teenaged girls & that might actually break his relationship. Tell him if he loves his gf he needs to let her be a teenager & wait to be a mom. It's good he is talking. I would be talking to the girl as well. And I'd be praying for God to prevent conception!!!

GMawilli, you can bet those prayers have been going up!!!!!!!
Great suggestions for talking to him and getting him to see things a little differently. My approach may have been wrong, I was more on the side of if what you wanted was to be with this girl, if she is pregnant, you may have the reverse outcome.
I did talk to the girl. See uncertain if i should tell mom or not. We are on good terms...but not sure if i should say anything or not.

You are doing fine. There are no guarantees. He may befriending loss of mother trying to replace her w girlfriend. Follow your instincts on talking to girls mother. Hang in there. These are the worst years under good circumstances. I have a speech I give at my book signings called "How I learned to live with a rock star, or they forgot to remind us the little darlings turn into teenagers!"

I feel the urge to disagree with compareing his parenting to his parents. I would rather go a the postived side of things again asking the questions putting the perspective of control back in his hands. What does your family look like? How will you support them? What kind of job would you have? How much do you think they make? What would you days be like?(xsample) when you are at work who is with your child? Does your wife work? Where would your family live? How much do you think your house will cost? As he answers the questions you could come up with others. If you want put how much he would make how much it would cost on paper. I would ask him if he thought he could wait until he got out of school to start he family. If you just dismiss him he may want to try harder just to prove that he could have a family. If he feels that you are wanting to help him to see what will take based on his answers he may be more incline to listen. Kinda like when a child wants go off to collage they want to have say on what school they are going to attend where they are going to live. The only life he knew was taken away from him and even though he may feel safe, loved and even happier there is always a little need to recreate the past family. I would sit down with both of them ask the same questions. The girlfreind may not be where he is. If he is set on trying to create this family and she isnt the relationship may end but then you have to worry about the next girl that comes into his live. I agree with daisydduck you go with your gut on weather to tell the girls mother.