Diana, if your stepdaughter is an addict, you need to educate yourself on the subject of addiction. Expecting an addict to act normally just does not work. The logic of her riding past your location to visit a friend rather than see her own children says it all. You are doing right by your grandchildren and cannot do anything to make your sd be a mom to them. Visitation s/be controlled to save the children from emotional abuse. You might consider having supervised visitation only. Your remark about her holding the children's hands must be scary to the kids. Being nice or understanding to her will not change this.

Daisy Duck I've never been convince that Shea an addict. But I might be fooling myself. She used to stay at our house a couple of days a week and I never noticed anything out of the ordinary. But she could be a high functioning addict. We currently have supervised visits and the last time she saw the kids was on Christmas Day and that's because we took them to her. Now she's saying she's taking us to court for fri thru Sunday visits.shes making it sound like its our job to call her and have a relationship with her. It was all about her and how alone she feels. I'm not sure you recall but she was also diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder when she was 12.

Any judge who gives her that would have to be an idiot. She has done nothing to earn that. Do you think she will really go to court??

As someone (Daisy or Sara) once said to me in this forum, "they always threaten to take some type of action but they seldom follow through." I have found those words to be so true thousands of time. They are making empty threats in order to make themselves feel better. They have no case or in most instances not even the ability to do what they claim. Yet they know that it will upset up and make us worry and they probably gain some satisfaction from it. I try to take the attitude of bring it on because I know my ducks are in order but you always will still worry a little because we are quote "only Grands" unquote. In most instances, we are really the grandchilds only true parent. One day, maybe the Courts will be more understanding in that regard.

Diana, we never, not even once, called Pinky or had the kids call her. As far as we're concerned we're RAISING them because their alleged mother can't or won't do it. We've already taken on the biggest responsibility anyone can do - to actually raise one or more children.

To me, if the bios aren't interested enough to even pick up the phone and call, oh, well, then. And as you stated, she certainly found money to take the train to her friend's house.

It does sound like addict behavior, or maybe other mental issues. Regardless what's causing her behavior, you can see that it's piling more crapioli onto you, which you certainly don't need :-)

They want us to raise their kids for them for 18 years or more. They want us to be 100% responsible for the kids' clothing, schooling, healthcare, food, activities, etc. without contributing a dime. They watch as our privacy and finances are taken away from us at a time when we'll never have a chance to recoup our losses. They see our social lives disappearing and our last chance to see the world and do our "bucket lists" -- and they demand that we do even more FOR THEM.

Whatever causes their behavior, it was toxic enough that we have their kids. Why should WE want anything to do with them as well? If they really love their kids as they say, then let them prove it by doing the things they should have been doing all along.

My husband and I always wished that Pinky would take us to court, because that would indicate that she actually cared. She never did.

Diana, reactive attachment disorder is real. Basically it is that in childhood, they never truly bonded with a parent or guardian. There is lack of trust and manipulation. It is not something you can fix as she is an adult. Mental disorders can cause as many problems as addiction. I think that as grandmothers we have programmed to believe that we can make all things better with a hug. You cannot fix this and the children should not suffer because of her. Seek out therapy for the kids. When kids go to therapy there is usually part of the visit that is spent with the parents helping them to understand what is going on with kids.

If she goes to court it's only because she wants financial gain. She was in a family reunification program for years and not once did she try to get her kids back and we didn't have guardianship at the time. We files for guardianship 4 and a half years into it when our oldest was 4.5 years only, because she told her mother she was taking the kids in 2 weeks, without a transition plan at a time that she was living with a convict. My husband and I are convince that her benefits are threatened and she needs the kids to save them. So I do think she'll take us to court, but for the wrong reasons.

I doubt you have anything to worry about. Between her track record and your own documentation, I don't think she would have much of a chance...I hope :-)

Diana, are you saying that she has been getting benefits as the children's mother?

one of my bios used to threaten me all the time and I just started saying ok just let me know when and where I need to show up... now we hardly ever hear from her and we filed for adoption.

Diane, If she has been getting money for children she doesn't have , that's fraud! Let her take you to court, she'll be in deeper trouble and might even see jail time. Keep your logs and like Mommagain said, just tell her to let you know when and where. I recently found out when the kids were missing their Mom, she was always working and couldn't come by... We found out from my nieghbor four houses up that my DD was visiting with him and his wife during the "I'm working" times. The nieghbor said this in front of the two older girls and I needed to have a conversation with my GD. Now my GD doesn't call her. I was upset at the nieghbor for just blurting this out at first, but then I had to sit back and think about the conversation and how my nieghbor didn't know what was going on.

She could also be receiving benefits for herself, which makes my head spin.

Pinky -- who has not had her kids in nearly 8 years, gets cash, food stamps, cadillac healthcare, free schooling, housing assistance and more. She does absolutely nothing for it. Oh, now she's taking GED classes, but that's a first and if she flunks out she won't lose a dime.

I've realized that if you don't aspire to anything much, and if you don't care about really nice houses, you can live quite comfortably on the government dime.

Something has gone so wrong with our social welfare system, and it seems beyond repair.