Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
We had the baby for 5 hours today. I always have a great time when he is here. He wanted to hold my hand and try walking! He let go of the furniture to step towards me. He reached for me when he was done eating, when he was tired, and when he wanted to just sit in my lap. I'd say he's definitley bonding to me. his mom was getting a little hurt by that, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm really not sure why either, because we, the mom and I, have always done visitation together, so I haven't had any more time with him than her, except about 3 times when she was 10 minutes late. Should I try to back off? He will be in my custody starting next month, however his mom will be given a chance to live here and become a good mom. But if you've read any of my past posts, you would see that she has certainly not acted like she is capable of being a good mother, or putting someone else first. Should I try to back off, or should I already know that he will need to bond to me since I don't know if it's possible for his mother to grow up, she's 18 next month. I just don't want to mess him up.I've heard too much about attachment disorders. He's been in foster care for 10 months and he's already probably going to feel kidnapped when we bring him home to stay next month. We have been seeing him once or twice a week. Can he bond to me without eliminating the chance to bond with his mother?
He is odviously boning with you casue he senses you are safe and secure.
Besides every child should bond with his nan lol
ps annebee thats awesome advice :)
It is like they feel the love, like we would feel heat coming from a stove.ANd they opsorb it....afterall it is the food for life
My social worker told me once that we were the legal guardians, and that our biggest responsibility was to love & care for the children & keep them out of harm's way. No matter how much we may want to help our children, we have to put the grandchildren first, even if it does mean upsetting the mother from time to time. I know it's been the same way here. I've literally raised that baby girl, and when the mom's here, the baby interacts with her, but when she's hungry or tired or upset...I'm the only one she wants. It upsets the mom a bit, but she's done it to herself. (If I sound overly harsh, forgive me...it's been a really long week!)
Anyways...after writing such a long response, let me say simply that you need to do anything & everything you can to show that baby love & stability. He *needs* to bond with someone, he needs someone who's always going to be there. Especially at this young age, they're learning now about trust & love, they need to be held & told I love you, I tell mine every day I love them no matter what. I tell them mama loves them too, but it's really hard for the 3 yr old. He remembers being daddy's boy, and he doesn't understand when mommy comes to visit & leaves without him again. I just hug on him & kiss on him & tell them both I love them every chance I get. When he first came to live with us, he wouldn't look at anyone in the eyes, he wouldn't let anyone hug him, he was very hands off & a bit delayed developmentally. If you tell him I love you, he usually says "Bye". Now, 9 months later, he runs to people asking for hugs & kisses, he wants to sit with us, and he's finally starting to say I love you too, instead of always saying bye. That always made me feel so sad. He's turned into a very affectionate, gentle boy for the most part, but it took some time for him. Good luck!!