Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I haven't posted on here in a long time. 4-5 years ago I was pretty active. I still check in and keep sort of up to date, but life has been so busy.
I have two grandkids one 12, the other 4. Gained custody of 4 yr old last summer. We have had him for 1.5 yr however. Daughter is 18+ yr on meth and I think maybe shifting to heroin. Just in past two weeks she made motions to go to a rehab because boyfriend wouldn't be with her anymore unless she did. Predictably she has wiggled out of it. This is something she has done many times... telling us what we want to hear and then manipulating the situation. So my point being she is still using.
We have supervised visits, here, and attorney said 1 hr a week is enough, and believe me it is. I am so done, as most of you can imagine, the long saga of drugs over 2 decades.
So a couple days ago she texts me and says 1 hr a week isn't enough. She wants more time. We have to have this discussion this evening, as it is visit day today.
I say no way. What has she done to earn it? She has gotten "court savvy"
as some of the others she is with now are also familiar with kids and custody, all in their late 30's and 40's now and view thier parents as the enemy. She also does some yard work for an old retired alcoholic attorney, who coaches her. So I feel if we don't give her the answer she wants she will make trouble.The last round of court in August comepletely wiped out our savings.
I suppose what I need is some bolstering. I feel like she holds us hostage.
I have two grandkids one 12, the other 4. Gained custody of 4 yr old last summer. We have had him for 1.5 yr however. Daughter is 18+ yr on meth and I think maybe shifting to heroin. Just in past two weeks she made motions to go to a rehab because boyfriend wouldn't be with her anymore unless she did. Predictably she has wiggled out of it. This is something she has done many times... telling us what we want to hear and then manipulating the situation. So my point being she is still using.
We have supervised visits, here, and attorney said 1 hr a week is enough, and believe me it is. I am so done, as most of you can imagine, the long saga of drugs over 2 decades.
So a couple days ago she texts me and says 1 hr a week isn't enough. She wants more time. We have to have this discussion this evening, as it is visit day today.
I say no way. What has she done to earn it? She has gotten "court savvy"
as some of the others she is with now are also familiar with kids and custody, all in their late 30's and 40's now and view thier parents as the enemy. She also does some yard work for an old retired alcoholic attorney, who coaches her. So I feel if we don't give her the answer she wants she will make trouble.The last round of court in August comepletely wiped out our savings.
I suppose what I need is some bolstering. I feel like she holds us hostage.
Does she show up for all scheduled visits? If so, I'd ask her why she wants more time. I know exactly what Pinky would say: "Because I want to see my kids more." Not, "because the kids need to see me more." That's when I say "wrong answer, Pinky!" and remind her that her priorities are still messed up.
Hope: yes I think you are right about the holidays. I might see if I can sort of deflect this a couple weeks.
Lucille, she is 34 years old . Using since she was 15. Probably earlier thats when we found out. You are right. Court in August was an eye opener. Her declaration was full of falsehoods and lies. My attroney who is no one to fool with really felt our daughter just could not remember fact from fiction. Heartbreaking and maddening. My husband had mild heart attack and a counselor friend said she thinks I have PTSD dealing with all of this. First grand child was born 1lb 90z at 28 weeks. Daughter was hospitalized at 25 weeks with meth in system. 2nd grandson born 32 weeks but 3lbs. Same story. It is not ok to be janked around anymore just because these adult kids have "rights"