When our kids fight to the point where I can't take it anymore I put them all in their rooms. They can come back out when they're ready to act right.

I also make sure that I am spending enough time with each one, so that when I need "me" time I can remind them that I'm happy to be with them, but that sometimes I need a break, too.

When we first got our three grandchildren we put them on a STRICT schedule. No variations for about the first six months. In other words, they had to do homework right after school and no social events during the school week. Bedtime was at that time every night, no exceptions.

After a few months we were able to relax the schedule a bit so that if there was an event during the week that didn't go too late, they could attend.

That schedule saved everyone's lives, I swear! To this day they go to bed at the same time, wake up around the same time and do their homework without more than one reminder.

They still fight with each other now and then, and a lot of that is normal. But it's getting better gradually. :-)

I think everyone here can identity with your frustrations. Look at it from their point. They're afraid if they're bad enough you will throw them away like their parents did. Parenting again is different from how we raised our kids. When they are getting to you hug them and tell them how much you love them. I kept our grandson so busy he was too tired to act out. Second trick: make a reward jar. You can include anything they enjoy. Movies, having friends over, outing to th zoo, etc. Make yourself as reward jar also. If they disobey, you get a reward like watching your favorite tv show without interruption. Don't beat yourself up and don't set unrealistic goals for yourself or them. You are stronger than you think.

I kept telling mine no matter how bad they behaved I was not sending them back to bio mom. No way no how. I would tell them I loved them and wanted them with me. I made sure they understood that this is where they belonged. They had DCF involved before so I was very blunt in telling them that if DCF stepped in and decided they could not live with me DCF would not send them back to mom but they would go to a foster home.

They do not understand fully why they are not with mom. They felt if they angered me enough I would not want them either and that Mom would have to take them back. They do not comprehend fully that the courts say mom is unfit so they took it out on me for taking them away from mom.

I totally agree strict strict schedule and keep telling you love them no matter what.

Rewards for good behavior work wonders! When our GD was little I converted a magnetic "chore board" into a reward board for things she was working on. One was for not biting in preschool. I kept it to only a couple of things as she was 4-5. She got a star every day that she didn't bite and a reward at the end of the week. I also put something EASY for her every week too such as helping set the table.

We learned from trial and error that simply HUGGING our GD when she seemed out of control worked wonders! It still helps and she's 17!

I'm sure it's harder to have more than one grand. Lots of planned activities for the summer will make life easier for all of you. (((HUGS)))