Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I was curious how many have had children in rehab and did you visit, encourage, support them? How many have had children in rehab multiple times and did you continue to support them each time? What were the circumstances that brought them to rehab? The reason I am asking is because my daughter went into rehab (2nd time). She actually called to talk to her girls and requested that I attend group counseling for 2 hours on Wednesday (1 hr. drive to rehab) then I can visit on Saturday mornings and bring girls. I told her I didn't want her girls to know she was in rehab so I wasn't sure if I wanted them to visit and I found it hard to support her when she is there only to avoid jail. The next day she checked herself out and said it was because her 18 month baby didn't like it at rehab and cried all the time. Now I feel bad that I wasn't supportive. I didn't visit her last time either although I did take girls to see her. (I told girls she was in the hospital and they were little enough to believe me but this time they know what a hospital is and would not believe it). I have told her numerous times that once she truly attempts to turn her life around I will be there for her but until then don't expect any help with anything. I have not spoken to her since she checked herself out. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I just keep praying.
When Pinky was 15 we put her in her first rehab. It was actually a beautiful place in the mountains. She broke all of the rules and got kicked out.
Several years later she voluntarily went into rehab. We attended all of the family nights, meetings, etc. She checked herself out early.
Since then she has been to at least three more rehabs, and we stopped participating. At some point you realize that nothing -- and I mean NOTHING -- you do one way or the other will help. Addicts have to get to a point where they want sobriety more than they want drugs, and that decision has to come from them alone.
I think Pinky finally got scared enough when she was in yet another recovery house filled with nasty girls, bedbugs, scabies and God knows what else. The girls were hooking and I suspect Pinky did some of that as well. She checked out of that one early, too and went to live with her mother. When she beat up her mother something may have clicked in her addled brain.
I'm pretty sure she's been straight since then, and she's attending group sessions, meetings, yada-yada. But we no longer tell her we're proud of her, we don't encourage or discourage her. We just let her be her and figure it all out on her own. That's the only way she'll even have a chance of growing up.
I used to tell Pinky: If you drive while under the influence that's your choice. If you get into an accident or get towed away I will not come and get you, bail you out, etc. etc. etc.
It isn't an ultimatum -- it's a warning. LOL!