Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I have raised my grandson for almost 12 years and my grandaughter 6 years full time for 2 and 50% before that. My daughter is getting divorced and has a new boyfriend much younger than her. She has now decided that she want a relationship with her kids...I don't have a problem with the latter part. Would it be fair to the kids to leave my house now to go with her and her boyfriend if they don't want to go? They have had care,love and stability all these years...should their world be turned upside down now, because she has decided she wants to have a relationship with them? The kids don't want to move or change school and leave their friends behind. My daughter is not considering the kids attachement to me or my attachment to them. I have raised them and they have bonded with me....should I just let them go now?
My husband and I have been raising our three (12, 9 and 10) for more than six years. Their "mother" Pinky says she wants them back one day, but we doubt that will happen. Even though she seems to still be in recovery (???) she is no position to give them everything they've gotten from us for more than half of their lives. And that counts emotional as well as physical stuff.
I would fight tooth and nail against her getting them back at this point. As they enter their teen years they will need even more guidance and stability, or I fear that everything we've done will go right down the tubes.
In addition, and maybe I watch too much news, but "stepfathers" are the #1 most likely to abuse their stepdaughters. If for some reason we decided to give them back to Pinky I would have Lover Boy investigated 20 ways to Sunday.
As you said, it's all about what she wants, not what's good for the kids.
If she wants to build a relationship with these kids, it needs to evolve slowly, and under your supervision. Without strangers.
I hope you don't let her get under your skin or make you feel guilty for saying no. It is your job to keep those kids stable and safe, and that includes keeping them safe from bio parents who have selfish agendas.
long story short I told her that he was with us because of the choices her and dad mad... he had no say in the matter at that time... he is now 5 and has a voice now... He don't want to come live with you so if you insist... (on the advise of my attorney) you have to start with consistent supervised day visits for three to six months then we will move to unsupervised day visits for three to six months so forth and so on... well she quickly decided he was where he needed to be...