Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

Raising Two Grandsons 5 and 6

Sas107
Sas107

Hi.  New here.  Just thought I would join and listen to other grandparents opinions. I have been raising my daughters two kids.  She has been struggling with addiction and legal issues..  For the past four years I have had legal custody.  Their father is in and out of jail and is currently in jail.  Although his name is not on their birth certificate.  He does exist.  Just to get to the point here.  I have not allowed him or his family any contact with the kids.  I feel like the boys are thriving and have a happy, simple life with my husband and I.  These boys are our life.  I don't think adding any drama or issues with that family would be a good idea.  And now their fathers current girlfriend is expecting a baby.  Now out of the blue...she wants the boys in that child's life. I am thinking.. NO!   Thanks for reading guys!! 

arfie
arfie
No is an understandable and possibly wise answer but I believe I see allot of potential ways to boomerang as depriving them of the chance to know their own blood. Wondering what we are made of is a fairly common human need, especially when the information is not available.

It's not an easy conundrum, Sas. With my son's in-laws as much as my own dysfunctional family, every round is a guess. I'm not sure there are any right answers. Just best guesses and every guess seems to have its own drama down the road.

Gentle empathy and steadying support, whichever way you decide.

Why can't love be simple?
Hopeful-Angel
Hopeful-Angel
Very tough position. Most certainly one that can backfire no matter what you decide. I have 3 Grands whose family on the other side is full of drama & lies. We don't try to keep them away because they have always been around them but we do try to teach them right & wrong. We also teach, love in spite of the drama.

Do you want to keep the boys away because of the father? Or is there a real problem with his whole family too? Are they just parents who are broken hearted over their son's actions too? So many questions that make you look deeply.

I can understand the instinct to just say no way and close the door but you won't be able to shelter them the rest of their lives. In the future, they may find out about the half and your unwillingness to let them know each other. Could cause serious waves. Could cause serious waves letting them in their lives too. It's a 2 sided coin that you can only muddle through & hope you are doing what's right for the boys. No magic wands or crystal balls when it comes to children. I will Pray for the best for you all.
Gran59
Gran59
Sounds like the story here. Finally my daughter is seeking help. Thankful for that mush. Know you are not alone.
Gran59
Gran59
How did you get legal custody? My CPS worker is difficult to deal with, Seems like no matter what I do it does not satisfy her.
Sas107
Sas107
It's definitely a two sided sword. We. have come too far keeping their lives as. normal as possible. Its not fair to disrupt their lives and confuse them. We just take it day by day and hope for the best. To answer on how I gained custody. My daughter overdosed, she signed custody to me. She is still trying to get her own life together. Which has been slow going.
Gran59
Gran59
No way I would want them to be part of their lives. I agree with you. Why upset the boat. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get total custody. It appears I am in same boat as you. Prayers and hugs!
Gran59
Gran59
My prior comment was in regard to your about you. That is sad over your daughter. That hurts. I pray she will mend. In our area all it seems to be is meth everywhere.
Sas107
Sas107
Drugs are a pandemic in itself. Heroin/Fentanyl and meth too. In our area.
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