Tom,

Everything you are feeling is normal.

Has CPS indicated they are going to take the kids? My experience is that CPS/DCF does not work fast to remove children. They will try first to keep the family together by offering services to the family.

Do you think this will be a temp thing while the parent/parents get their act together or do you think a long term commitment?

If it is a possibility that you will be asked to take the kids in I suggest that you and your wife get some counseling, advise, support, gather all the information you can before making this decision. It is not always the best answer. Most of us here would not have it any other way BUT it is not always what is best. It takes a lot of commitment, you deal with children who may have a lot of anger built up inside of them and not knowing how to vent that anger in a healthy way.

It is DAMN hard to start but after things settle down and you all adjust it does get easier. I have had the grandkids since Dec 27, 2014 life now seems normal. It is not what I want to be doing at this age, but I would not change it. The kids are safer here with me.

If there are other grandparents, aunts, uncles any other family that can help out it can save your sanity. My girls spend over nights with their other grandmother about once a month and their Dad comes to my house every other weekend. He does not take then to his place since his GF has no interest in these two kids.

In my state, MA, if DCF had stayed involved they would have had to try for reunification for a year, if it did not work they could release the kids for adoption. Since I took them through the court as a guardian the parents have to right to apply to get them back. Not always a good thing to have hanging over your head.

Tom, don't feel guilty. This is the hardest decision you and your wife will ever have to make.

My husband's daughter, "Pinky," was doing drugs since she was 14. Long story short, she had 3 kids by at least two "fathers" and lived with a series of sugar daddies, as well as with us and in rehabs.

One Monday morning her sugar daddy called us and said she had gone out on Saturday night and never came home. He had to go to work and couldn't watch the three kids (2, 5, and 6). Within an hour and a half we had three little kids to raise, and we've had them for the past 10 years.

I wish to God there had been another family member willing to raise all three. But there wasn't so it fell to us. I never wanted children of my own and in all honesty I do not enjoy raising three children now. I love my grandchildren but I have just never been cut out for this. In spite of me and my husband they're all doing well. My husband's retirement is gone, our savings are gone, our future is pretty much gone - everything is gone.

On the positive side, the kids have a stable, loving home and hopefully will escape the same lifestyle as their alleged mother. Everyone says we're saints. All I know is that we're broke, exhausted and have absolutely no privacy, no peace and quiet, and no life alone anymore.

Few people realize that those of us in our 50s and 60s weren't meant to suddenly have little children to raise. We aren't cut out for it. We don't have the physical or emotional energy. We don't have the network of parents, siblings, etc to babysit.

If there had been anyone in our family better able to take on the kids we would have let them do it. So look around and see if there is anyone, preferably younger, to take on this lifelong task. And if you do decide to take the kids, assume it's permanent because I've never heard of a successful transition back to the bios.

I think I'm just feeling extra cynical tonight because I'm anticipating all of the things we have to do for the kids this weekend. No rest for the weary. I'm sure I'll feel better on Monday when they're back in school. LOL

What were you expecting would happen when you reported them? Yes it is overwhelming but if you are not up to it work with Dcfs to find foster family where you can remain active in children's lives as grandparents.

My husband is also step grandpa to our GD. I know it's hard and scary at first. My husband also didn't want any more children. I was 39 when we got married. But he fell madly in love with our grandchildren when they were born and by the time we were allowed to take our GD to live with us when she was 4, he was leading the charge to protect her and keep her safe with us! When we lost her to her bio at age 7 1/2, he used to go in the garage and yell and hammer things.

At 16yo we now have her back. 8 more years of abuse and neglect. She wears all black clothes now, has blue hair, wears lots of black make up, is depressed and has anxiety disorder. But my husband said "When I look at you, I just see my little Laney." Yes, it's hard. We lost tons of money fighting to protect her also, but we wouldn't have her anywhere else. Every morning I wake up and thank God for bringing her home to us. Every night I go to sleep and thank God she is safe. Every day my husband comes home from work and grins when he sees her, then tries to make her laugh.

You will become a family and fall in love and make new memories and it will all be worth it.

My husband is 68. I am 65. Married 6 years. Our gd came to us from addict parents (my son and gf) a year ago and with leukemia. My husband, who never had or wanted kids, has been the leading force to keep her safe. She is 4 and she calls us her picker uppers. She made up that name to explain when parents don't take good care of their kids the kids get picker uppers. Nobody expects to be in this position. You will need to decide what is best for this child. If it's too much for you both that will not best serve the child. If you decide you can do this your life will change but there will be joy you cannot imagine.

My husband and I have been married 7years. Wehave had our boys for almost 5 years He had never been married or wanted any children until the boys came to live with us. At first he wouldnt hold the baby 2 month old at the time but it all changed. The baby is now almost 5 years old. They fish, hunt, cook, bird watching, ect together. My husband became a father to two great boys one is 9 now and the other almost 5. There are times when my husband worries what would happen if they were taken away by the bios. It will never happen but he just doesnt ever want to lose them. I know he thought the same I did'nt sign up for this but his love for me kept him here and now his love for our family keeps him here he would have it no other way. He feels God has given him this gift to know a Love like no other Love. I know this because he has said this to me. It was not easy the relationship with the older took longer but Love wins at this age. Only you know how you feel just ask yourself can I love these children as my own. With Love thing are hard but without Love they are imposiable.

Look at not all the love there is possibly waiting for you, but all the fun things you can do with the kids! They will help keep you moving and young at heart at least.

I am 56 yrs old and have troubles walking and have to use canes/rollator. Lately, my walking has gotten a little worse. I am raising a 7 yr old and a 20 mo old grand daughters. The oldest is my husband's oldest gd and the youngest is my first born blood gd. We never planned on raising grand kids.

Hubby is driving OTR so I am raising the girls basically on my own for the most part. I do work part time at a local school. There are days we both kind of wish we didn't have the girls and our life was different but it is what it is. We have had both the girls since they were young.....3 mos/3days....so hard to imagine life without them.

So even if you "GO FOR IT" that doesn't mean you won't have days where you wonder, "did I do the right thing?". It is then that you stop and look at the children and think where they would be if you had NOT stepped up to take care of them.

If you absolutely feel you can not take the kids in, then work with DCF or whomever to find a good placement for them. If you can't, is there other family members that might be willing to?

You are not alone in this raising of grand kid thing. None of us are!

I do not usually post. I usually just read until I see something that really hits home for me. And your post REALLY hit home. You sound like my husband, except has he many years of anger and resentment built up towards me. He never wanted my GD. I married him when he was 45, never married and had no children. So this is definitely "not what he signed up for". He is passive aggressive so we will be rolling along, then BOOM, every couple of years or so (usually during an argument) he will let me know again that he never wanted her and that I should give her back to her mom. I will probably divorce him(only because he makes me feel that I need to choose between them) And I will always choose a helpless child over an adult. I can not bear to think of her in foster care with strangers. I am all she has ever known. I am her safe place. She would be traumatized. Someday will figure out that "Grandpa" doesn't love her. He has never been mean to her, he just doesn't feel it. I guess what I am getting at is to plead with you to really think this over and talk it out with your wife before you do anything. Any decision is better if made as a team. I was so surprised seeing your post. I truly thought that I was the only one with marital discord because of having to rescue a child. Good luck with whatever you decide.

It's a huge commitment and think long and hard before you do this.

For me the thought of my grandchildren being in a foster home of people who are total strangers was just too heartbreaking. I'm glad I have them and there are difficult days but also I experience a lot of joy, love and laughter.

Please don't do this if you are going to take out your frustrations and resentment onto the children. They have gone through enough already.