Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My husband and I decided to let her visit this weekend, if only to see if she still looks like she's using. She called on Wednesday and said she would call my husband this morning (Saturday) to make arrangements for him to pick her up.
Well, she called me and sounded awful. She said she'd "lost his number" (sign #1) and after I gave it to her I asked if she just got up. She said "no, I'll tell you about it later."
My husband told me that she called him and he asked why she sounded like crap. He said he could hear a man yelling in the background and asked if it was Boyfriend #2 (another one after Lover Boy.) She said no, it was "Boyfriend #3" - a whole new name - and that he didn't believe that she was speaking to her father.
So now my husband is freaked out because he thinks she got herself into an abusive relationship. She probably did. But she wasn't at her apartment - she was at the boyfriend's home -- so I suppose we just have to pray that she gets through whatever it is.
On one hand, he's worried sick about her, because she is his daughter. On the other hand we're both so fed up with her lousy choices that we just want to avoid dealing with any of it -- and that's what we're going to do. Pray and wait. Wait and pray.
It's quite obvious, though, that she's back to her old ways. And I feel guilty because that means she isn't here, driving me out of my mind.
Sigh.
Well, she called me and sounded awful. She said she'd "lost his number" (sign #1) and after I gave it to her I asked if she just got up. She said "no, I'll tell you about it later."
My husband told me that she called him and he asked why she sounded like crap. He said he could hear a man yelling in the background and asked if it was Boyfriend #2 (another one after Lover Boy.) She said no, it was "Boyfriend #3" - a whole new name - and that he didn't believe that she was speaking to her father.
So now my husband is freaked out because he thinks she got herself into an abusive relationship. She probably did. But she wasn't at her apartment - she was at the boyfriend's home -- so I suppose we just have to pray that she gets through whatever it is.
On one hand, he's worried sick about her, because she is his daughter. On the other hand we're both so fed up with her lousy choices that we just want to avoid dealing with any of it -- and that's what we're going to do. Pray and wait. Wait and pray.
It's quite obvious, though, that she's back to her old ways. And I feel guilty because that means she isn't here, driving me out of my mind.
Sigh.
daisydduck
Sara, while it's hard on you hubs, understand that she is not making choices but following her addiction. She must feel she is worthless to allow herself to be involved with an abuser. Abused women usually think they deserve it. We all know the routine and this too shall pass. Prayers to you and your husband.
SaraBT
Thanks, Daisy. I feel awfully bad that I don't feel bad for her, but when it comes to Pinky emotions are dead. I try to feel bad, but she just messes up every single time.
daisydduck
No reason to feel bad. You cannot protect her from herself but understanding her limitations as well as your own can ease frustrations. You and your husband have created a good family with her children. Be proud of that.
SaraBT
Thanks again. It's almost midnight and I just had the most wonderful conversation with our eldest granddaughter (14). Barring some unforeseen circumstances, she's going to be wonderful! I love where her head is!!!!!!!
NannaKMS
I'm sorry to hear that Pinky is off the rails again, I'm going through the same thing with my daughter. Its hard as the parent to see your child go through this, I do know that it is part of the addicts life. It would just be nice to hear of a success story involving these addicts. I feel bad for letting my grandson get so close to his mother, and now she doesn't have time for him, her latest boyfriend that she's known for a 2 weeks is more important. She's moving in with him Oct. 1st. Pinky sounds just like my daughter selfish and addicted to losers.
daisydduck
You are right in that it is very hard to watch your child go down this path. I lost my daughter to brain cancer at age 28. She was diagnosed at age 20. It was a rough 8 years trying to deal with the effects of the cancer and the surgeries to correct them. The difference is that we had painful closure after her death while you must watch as your daughter continues to destroy herself. Have faith. God is with you through this.
GMaWilli
Daisy, I can't imagine everything you went through with your daughter. You are right about closure being a difference. I also think that although many of us have come to a greater understanding of addiction & mental health issues, we still have that resentment & anger towards our addicted or mentally ill kids for the choices they've made & continue to make that contributes to them not getting well. Although it's really apples to oranges, it's kind of like if someone ignores their cancer, refuses to get medical intervention, & lives a lifestyle which they know will likely cause their cancer to kill them more quickly. People don't feel anger towards someone who is physically ill, but mental illness can cause that between the afficted & the people who care about them. On another note, if my kids survive their addictions, I really expect some serious physical consequences in their futures. My 25 yo son has already had 4 MRSA infections.
deleted_user
I know what you mean when you say you worry cause she isn't there driving you out of your mind. I went through the same thing with my son, because of his addiction to meth. I worried all the time. Then he went to rehab and is now clean and moved to another state so he could get away from the people he knows here that does drugs. His girls (my oldest GD doesn't ask for him much.) But I can't worry about him anymore he is old enough to care for himself. My duty is to care for his daughters. And I Love everyday of it.
Snippy
There was a time when my son was in another state that I was glad cause I didn't have to see that he was killing himself. Yet you worry and it hurts. We as parents are in a catch 22.
daisydduck
Wise words Gma
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