First thing I would do is have a background check done. Then everything else you mentioned sounds reasonable if he comes up okay. Who knows? Maybe this will turn out to be a really good thing.

Oh, my.... I'm not sure WHAT I'd be feeling, but I know I'd be feeling it was too good to be true.

Sure do hope it IS true. I know I'd be in "wait and see" mode.

{{{HUGS}}}

He's the one who's African American, so it's adding another layer of complexity that I wish we didn't have to deal with. But on the other hand, Pinky's brother is getting married to a Vietnamese woman, so that should make things easier all around :-)

I think we'll like him. I just don't think he realizes what he's in for, marrying a bipolar recovering drug addict with no brains, no education, no common sense, etc. And she hasn't met his family, either.

This should be interesting! LOLOL!

Honestly, I'd wait to have him meet the kids if you can.

My daughter had the boyfriend, the ring, the commitment ceremony, was planning the wedding, and now they are broken up and he is expecting with his new girlfriend and making the same plans.

He really does sound too good to be true, but who knows. Maybe he is genuinely in love with Pinky and will be the best thing that ever happened to her. I hope so. I can understand your skepticism. I would be wondering how she snagged such a prize too. My dd snagged a wonderful man a few years ago who loved her and the kids, was a great dad, had his own house and was just wonderful. Of course she screwed it up and left him to date some scum once the new wore off. I was devastated more than either one of them! I had almost 2 years of peace.
I do think the background check is a good idea. Good luck.

I agree that a background check is in order. He does sound too good to be true. But...then again...he could be just as ignornant as my son, my husband, and I were when we met his future (now ex) wife. She was (and still is) a humdinger of a liar. She can lie so easily that you have no clue that you are being had until it is too late. Her 13 y/o son is exactly the same. He has been taught by the best.

I would be in wait and see mode also....But maybe he is just what see needed to get herself together.. I hope that it is a blessing and that all works out for the best for all. I know they have kicked us in the gut so many times that we all just wait for the next one. but....maybe god has found a way to get through to her in this man. If I remember correctly she has been with him for a little bit and he has been straight and coming over to see the kids on the regular. So maybe she has turned over a .....NEW FOREST. (since leaf didn't seem to fit) I hope all the best for all of you.

My husband says he wants to talk to the guy in private -- and Pinky is trying to talk her dad out of it. Right there that makes me suspicious. We both really, truly, honestly want to know what he sees in her. She's a biopolar drug addict with drug-addled brains who has no skills and no interests in life. He has a career, a nice house, a college degree, etc. etc.

We think she sees a meal ticket. If they're both fine with that, I suppose it's something. But she can't take the stress of the kids just visiting them on weekends. What will she do when she has a house to run, food shopping and cooking (she can't really cook at all -- had to ask me how to cook hot dogs, no lie!), homework, etc.

If they get married there's nothing we can do about it, but we do wonder if he knows what he's getting into.

Sara, Honestly, I've seen too much of this before. I hope for your sake it works out...... but honestly, I'd be surprised if it was everything it appears and that it all worked out.

Every week I ask her how her job hunt is going. Every week she says "I had SO much to do, I'll look next week."

Every week I ask her how her marriage plans are coming along. Every week she says "We need to talk to the pastor about counseling." This week the pastor was in the hospital.

And when she tells me about this guy, all she talks about is the Lexus he's going to give her, the way he helps her with expenses, his nice house, etc. etc.

I reminded her that's the way she always talked about her other sugar daddies, and she said "oh, I was on drugs then. I WAS using them. But I love this guy."

Mmm-hmmmm.

Sometimes a person can bring out the best out of another person...so being supportive for them is good. However; your main concerns are where the children welfare and where they fit into this relationship.

It is a good sign that they are going to counseling. This is my second marriage and I told my husband that we needed to go to counseling for us and to intergrate both our children before we married. My main concern was that everyone (children) felt that they were important in this process.

Judi

Didn't you say he's quite abit older than her? My guess is that he's a "rescuer" OR a "controller" OR BOTH. Child pedofiles also prey on women with children; hence my advice to get a background check. She's alot younger than him and still acts like a child herself, AND she has children that he might have access to. I hate to be so suspicious and negative, but my life's experience leave me no other choice.

Liam, I'll be surprised if they ever make it to counseling. Now the story is that the pastor is out of the hospital and the church band is traveling with him to another city - so Pinky's "fiancee"' will ask him about counseling then.

I swear, being with her is like having a dog. She sits at home, waiting for him to get home so he can show her where the train station is -- it's right around the corner from his house. And when I asked for the address (she's living there and has been staying there for months), she had to look outside to get it! My husband says she doesn't even know his age.

I want to pull my hair out!!!!!!

Remember those old commercials with the iron skillet and the fried egg that said, "And this is your brain on drugs." Maybe they should start running that ad again!!!!

I did run a criminal check via our city's free online access to the court system. Nothing. But his wife did take his two sons and head for FL many years ago. She claimed it was because he was on the road all the time with his band (that's what he told Pinky, anyway).

I might have to fork over money to one of those services, just to be sure.

And yes, GMaWill, he is at least 12 years older than Pinky. She isn't even sure of his age!