Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

446 Members
3,703 Posts
0 Online
Seniors
/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

Overwhelmed

Cecily89
Cecily89

Hello... I'm new to the group. I currently have temporary custody of my youngest daughters 4 children due to her & her husband abusing drugs. I did everything I could for about 2 years trying to convince them to seek help. Finally I decided it was time to make the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. Chose the safety & well being of my grandchildren or continuing to try & save my daughter. Her husband was very abusive to her & very destructive to their home & vehicle. My grandkids have really been exposed to so much in their little lives. They are 12, 10, 7 & 2. I'm single & still work full time. So as you can imagine I am exhausted physically, as well as mentally. I myself have had to deal with verbal, mental abuse & threats from my daughter & her husband. They are now taking necessary steps towards recovery. Doing everything DHR has instructed them to do. But they still have a ways to go to prove to DHR their recovery is a permanent thing. My daughter & her husband also tell the children negative things about me when they are with them. I use to let my daughter & son in law come to my home to see the kids anytime they wanted. But I had to put an end to it because every time I told my daughter something she didn't like, or something DHR said that she didn't agree with, my daughter would begin cussing me, blaming me, calling names, pretty much anything she can think of besides physical abuse. She has even spit in my face in front of my grandchildren. So now my son in law's sister supervises the visits. I'm battling depression more than I ever have in my life! My daughter & I were very close & this has torn our entire family apart. I took this step for my grandchildren first, but also in hopes of saving my daughter. Never did I dream my own child would turn on me the way my daughter has. Has anyone been through this? Does it get better? Is there hope my family will be restored? We go back to court in October. They may get the children back, & they may not. DHR said it could possibly take another year for them to prove they are off drugs & can maintain stable jobs & a stable home with utilities. I know the Lord will give me the strength I need to endure. I've just never been through so much emotional pain in my life 

GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I haven't been on this group in many years and I'm sorry to see that you have had no responses up to this point. The support here was invaluable to me for many years - several years back. I hope things get better for you, but statistics aren't in your favor with both parents being addicted. Just focus on what's best for the KIDS. It's so hard not to want to fix our adult kids. It's so hard feeling like we are being forced to choose between our adult kids and our grandkids. It's so hard to stay strong. My faith in God has brought me through so much turmoil and continues to do so. So many of the drug addicted parents don't make it.....they overdose or become incarcerated..........but some DO RECOVER!!!! You can only continue hoping and praying for them to be one of the success stories and in the meantime, stand your ground and don't let them walk all over you. YOU Have the upper hand even though it probably doesn't feel like it most days.
Cecily89
Cecily89
Thank you for responding! I'm beginning to see some positive changes & am hoping & praying it's real! My daughter is very good at lying & manipulating. But I have finally been given the ok from DHR that the children can spend one night a week with their parents. And if they continue to have clean drug screens, they will be able to have unsupervised visits by the end or June, beginning of July. However, I believe my daughter & son-in-law are still in denial of how much power DHR & CASA have in situations like this. They seem to think they do not have to take the drug classes, anger management, or parenting classes. My daughter said it will look good for them when we go to court. But it's not something they have to do. I'm just continuing in prayer & trusting the Lord to work it all out!
tlmack4367
tlmack4367
God bless you. It's a tough situation. I pray that the parents get themselves together. I too am a single grandmother- working full-time raising my 10 yr old granddaughter. I adopted her 5 years ago....Sometimes I wish I had let her get adopted by a young family with a mom & dad. I have no help from either parent...
Cecily89
Cecily89
Thank you. God bless you as well. I completely understand your wishing you had let a young family adopt your granddaughter. Sometimes I wish I had let my grandchildren go into foster care. The responsibility is just so overwhelming at times. This is a time in our lives that we should be able to relax & enjoy life without all the day to day responsibilities of taking care of children. I do not get help from the parents either. Even though they are now clean & have jobs. I just hope & pray when we return to court in October the judge will return custody to my daughter & son in law as long as they stay clean. I will be praying for you & your granddaughter.