Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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innerhappiness 07/20/2011

hello All, im new to the group and need advice..long story short 2 of my grandkids age 10 & 13 are being disrespectful towards me, dont want to see me and their dad(not my son) has told me i cant see them anymore. its breaking my heart & at the same time Im disgusted because its the dads fault.he has already turned them all 4 against their mother..and since the mother (my daughter) & fathers' separation,me too..i raised my g-son till he was 5 so i have hope for him to straighten up his attitude but only if we keep communicating. All I did was call my daughters boyfriend my son-in-law (cuz i like him so much) but i also still consider the kids father my son-in -law...my dilemma is do i wait it out till the kids miss me..or take the dad to court for my rights(which is costly) or do i have other options?..ps, the dad said if i come there hell call the cops on me and if i go with my daughter the dad may tell her the same so she wont be able to see,talk to them -too.the kids see their dad as a God and the dad sees himself as 'the best dad ever'..

BuffyS 07/21/2011

Fighting for grandparent visitation is very expensive and from what I've read, often doesn't end well for the grandparents. If the bio dad is very hostile to you, back off and give him space.

Enjoy the kids during your daughter's custody/visitation time. You know they love you and may be dissing you to show loyalty to their father. Being with you away from their father, they may well feel freer to show their true affection for you.

innerhappiness 07/22/2011

Buffy,i thought of seeing the kids when the mom visits but im sure it will cause a ruckus leading him to refuse her(my daughter) to see them too.they are not divorced yet so she dont have what ya call 'visitation'..he allows her to see the kids, and only with him 90% of the time.i know, its a conundrum so if you dont have any advice etc..i understand lol.but thanks for the heads up on it dont usually go well, i did t know that

BuffyS 07/22/2011

Where does he get off withholding the kids from their own mother? I don't understand why she has to bow to his wishes and can't have them half the time.

innerhappiness 07/23/2011

hes a control freak and he wont let her take the kids to her house(which i dont blame him) cuz her roomates smoke pot

deleted_user 07/24/2011

Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, Buffy is right. Grandparents have little to no rights in a divorce situation. Your best hope is for your daughter to get court appointed visitation and see them then, however her current living situation may jeopardize her chances. Parents can loose visits and custody because they or someone in their household smokes cigarettes so you can imagine how much more pot will count against her. Best of luck.

innerhappiness 07/24/2011

Thanx Mystery, i didnt know either

SaraBT 07/25/2011

I found this online - don't know if it helps:

Nebraska Grandparents Rights

Grandparent Rights to Visitation: Visitation may be granted if at least one of the childs parents is deceased, the marriage of the parents has been dissolved or a petition for dissolution is pending, or if the childs parents have never been married but paternity has been legally established. The court must find that there is a significant beneficial relationship between the grandparents and grandchild and that it would be in the best interest of the child to allow the relationship to continue. The visitation cannot adversely interfere with the parent-child relationship. Chapter 43, Section 43-1801 (R.S.N. 1943 43-1801 et seq.).

When Adoption Occurs: Adoption terminates all rights.

Custody statute: Best interest of child considering: (1) relationship of child and each party; (2) reasonable desires of the child; and (3) general health, welfare, and social behavior of child. R.S.N. 1943 42-364

Parents May Choose: Yes
http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Nebraska-Grandparent-rsquo-s-Rights-2709.html

innerhappiness 07/25/2011

Sara, thanks so much..it does help.And ive decided to confront the issue -the dad) cuz i realized this has gone on for a yr now, just got progressively worse with the kids treating their mom with disrespect as well as hate-due to what the dads been telling , teaching them .he may call the cops etc.. but this has to stop.dont worry anyone-im not one for violence, its just a matter of him & the kids listening to me :-/

SaraBT 07/25/2011

Sadly, there may not be much you can do. If the kids have been brainwashed they may take their "dad's" side. Even with our close relationship to our three grandchildren, who live with us, if "Mommy" says something it's gospel. Scares me half to death sometimes, and I have to find a way to set the kids straight without appearing to condemn their "mother." And Pinky isn't even hostile to us -- just stupid!

It's a frustrating tightrope!

Your one grandson may still remember that you're not the way his "dad" claims -- but even he may be turned around.

I suppose my advice would be prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

daisydduck 07/25/2011

U may have legal standing because u raised Gs for five yrs and have bond. Look up attys who work w grans and ask for consult. Before u go for consult, check supreme cort regions in ur state. Give it a try

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