What I have in my court order, and what I recommend to others is that visitation be at my discretion. Fortunately for me, I don't have to bother because my son and his wife moved 3 states away and don't even call their kids.
If your son is back on drugs and/or your grandson is not safe with him, you have the responsibility to keep him safe. You can either go to court and ask that visitation become supervised or just refuse visits and if your son takes you to court, tell the judge why you refused. If his ex-girlfriend will testify (or at least submit a notarized letter) to provide further proof, this will help. no judge in his right mind is going to require that a child visit a parent who is drugged up!
I hope this helps!

Welcome. Sorry to meet you under these circumstances. You are not alone in divorce amongst grandparents raising their grandchildren. We expect we are reaching a time in our lives when we can relax and enjoy life. Some just cannot survive the stress of parenting again, as well as accepting that your child is not the person you hoped him to be. You are not disobeying a court order if your son is using. I would not let your gs stay with him under those circumstances. It's worth a try to confront your son about his drug usage and suggest supervised visitation. Perhaps the gf would consider helping out with that though I have a feeling she the drug usage may have a bearing on the breakup. Perhaps you have heard of mandated reporting of child abuse or endangerment. When the court gives you custody, they expect that you will make wise decisions regarding the safety of the child. That being said, if you have concern, limit visitation and contact CPS or the courts to request supervised visitation.

Thank you DBAJ and Daisydduck for the reply and advice ! I had actually come to this site today to cancel my membership, thinking that no one had bothered to respond and that no one cared. I thought that I had marked to be notified if there was a response, but I must have done something wrong. (My feelings are still raw....right at the surface !!) OK. My youngest son is the father of my GS.
First off, the ex-girlfriend is willing to do whatever it takes to keep GS safe. She loves this little boy ! She moved away to California, but I am in close contact with her.
My oldest son is going to go with me this Friday to do a "walk-through" on youngest son's new apartment. We are both fearful that youngest son will try to get physical with me, (My GS will be with us).... After the walk-through my GS and I will go back to the car to get a "forgotten" present....at that time my Oldest son will hand youngest son a 5 minute results drug test. The sample will be collected in a room with no water. (GS and I will be waiting at the car) If he refuses the test, oldest son will give me a thumbs-down signal and GS and I will be ready to pull out. If he does the test and fails...we will still pull out. I have no doubt that youngest son will call the police when we leave. I will be prepared with emails from others stating youngest son is back on drugs & heavy drinking.If police insist GS stays for visitation, I will get badge numbers and officer names before calling CPS.
I know you will ask WHY GS is with us for all of this?? I love an hour away from GS's father. I can not risk youngest son showing up at my house since I live alone now with GS. I have always done a -walk-through on any new apartment either his mother or father get, they both expect it.
I am meeting with a therapist tomorrow to discuss how to handle all of this with GS....and GS is meeting with the therapist Friday morning....a few hours before we head to youngest sons new apartment. I know this is not the best plan....and I am open to suggestions. I do feel I need to give youngest son a chance to prove he is NOT back on drugs....?

My husband's daughter ("Pinky") is the bio-mom and druggie in our family.

We've made things easy by NEVER allowing the three kids to spend time at her place. She must always come to our house, and if she's high or has black eyes, etc. she can't stay.

Once the kids are in the home of the druggie, there's absolutely no way to know what goes on. Why not insist that your son come to your home instead? Or maybe a local mall?

Hi Sara....You would have to know my son to understand. Since the break-up of the marriage that lead to divorce, my son hates me because of all the lies my EX told to him. My son has not seen or spoken to me since last Christmas.
I just got emails from him this month...when his girl friend finally left. He will not even call his son because he is fearful that I will answer the phone ! Quite the mess, huh?
In my temp. custody papers (from 7 years ago) he has the right to unsupervised visitation, every other weekend, starting at 6 p.m. on Fridays and ending at 6 p.m. on Sundays.

The sad part is that my son is getting an attorney to fight for custody....all based on the lies my EX had told him.

You are doing your best to comply and you have your son's support to work with brother. I agree that you cannot allow gs to go with father even if you do not have proof of drug use. I highly doubt your son will call police if he is using. You are protecting your gc and have a responsibility to do so. It is your son's burden to prove he is clean. Your note that he may be a physical threat to you is enough to withhold visitation as you fear for your safety as well as gs. I definitely would contact CPS and inform them of your decision and you probably will have to go to court to enforce your actions. You are not taking away your son's child. He made that decision when he decided to use drugs.

daisydduck you are reading my mind ! There will always be a part of mean that hurts for my youngest son. He was/is an addict., He went through a stint in jail and 6 years of probation too (which ended in July 2013). One dirty pee test cost him 30 days in jail....so he stayed clean until probation ended.
I do not think he is clean now.
I just wish there was a way to do all of this with involving my GS, so I keep racking my brain with no luck. I have been very careful to never put my GS parent down.....he loves them both (they are divorced too) but neither one of them have any idea what it takes to raise this little boy.
Should I call CPS before going over to his apartment? I still have this tiny hope that he will take the test and it all turn out clean.....wishful thinking on my part but I can't help it.
He has so much riding against him...being a convicted violent felon and an addict.....I can not imagine what it feels like to be in his shoes? (all by the choices He made) YES, he is my son, and I will always love him, but my full attention now lies with my GS. I think he has, once again, chosen his drugs over his son.............so very sad.....for all of us !

That should read......"With-OUT " involving my GS".......

Your gs is involved, even though it is unfair. Best you can do is reinforce that you are there for him. My gs didn't question why his father didn't come around until he was sixteen. It had been such a difficult battle to save our gs that when he asked about looking up his father we asked him to wait until he was 18. When he turned 18, he had no desire to meet his father. Re calling CPS, I'm not sure if you should call before or after. I do not believe the at home test s are fully accurate so even when you see results you cannot trust the accuracy. Perhaps you should call CPS and explain why you think he is using and they may order testing for him. With your gs at 10 years of age, you can explain the reason for cancelling visitation and assure him it will resume when you are confident that your son is not doing drugs. You are absolutely correct in not downing parents to child. So many people use the children as their sounding board which is unfair.

Yes, he is involved The drug tests arrived today, so I am ready. I have begged my EX to please tell youngest son the truth....but it is not going to happen.
Tomorrow night many things will change. I am thankful that GS will meet with the therapist in the morning, and she will let me know what/how to handle some of this to make it less stressful on GS. Wish me luck and strength.....it will be a difficult day !
Thanks for your responses and advice.......

Just wondering how things are going. Hope all is well.

(So SORRY that this is another book !) Well, things went badly as anticipated. In the end, I decided NOT to take GS with me for the initial meeting, so I dropped him off at his cousins.house.It was the right decision. I DID take my oldest son with me,,,Thank God.
Boi Dad (my youngest son) refused to do the drug test, screamed and cussed at me, the hatred just oozed from him. I have never felt hate like that.
I did explain it all to GS on the way home. At first GS was mad at me. He said I lied to him because I said I was only going there to check out the new apartment. I explained that I was hopeful I would never have to tell him anything about the drug test. When we were done talking he was mad at his Dad. I was gentle and told him not to be made at his Dad because his Dad was just angry & disappointed that he was not going to see his son.
I did call the police later..ust to find out what they can or can not do if Bio Dad should show and demand his son..what they would do?. Police said if Legal papers showed unsupervised visitation to Bio Dad, they would force me to turn GS over ! My next call was to CPS. They took the report but said they would not do an investigation unless drugs were used in front of GS !..............so no official office could do a thing? .I only got a chance to say about 3 sentences to Bio Dad (my son) before he started spewing venom. I never knew he hated me so much.
The hate I saw made me afraid of my own son. All of this hatred was caused by my Ex of 33 years. He has told him so many lies and will not now own up to the lies. My oldest son also knows it is all lies......but when Bio Dad (my son) gets THAT ANGRY....he will listen to NO ONE. The Bio Dad finally called my Ex-husband and put him on speaker phone. At that point there were 2 sons in the room....and he had told both of them completely different stories. My ex started to tell the same lie UNTIL he found out oldest son was in the room....all the ex did then was stammer & stutter and pointed the blame to Bio Dads ex-girlfriend ! Both son's knew at that point that ONE OF THEM was lied to. Big mess. Lots of hate. No answers....but I have e new plan I am trying to pull together to keep my GS safe. Quite the mess, huh?

I'm going to give you my honest opinion which is based not only on my experience but what I have have seen with numerous other grandparents in similar situations. Please do not take offense. Re your gs anger because you lied to him; you should not lie to him. Give him a very brief and to the point explanation. Even lying to him for what you feel is his own good creates distrust. Perhaps you could have asked him to trust you as you needed to be sure things were safe before you allowed him to go. Re calling police; their interpretation will be that you want to deny visitation and have no proof. Re CPS; speak to a supervisor and stress possible danger for your gs. Do not include your feelings or assumptions. Now is probably the time for you to speak to a lawyer as GMA suggested. Ask for a consultation. Basically lawyers do not like to get involved in custody cases because they are long and expensive and most people cannot afford their fees. While you are venting here, do not express the effects of your exhusband on your son; too easy for people to assume you are bitter about divorce. You need to file with the courts that you have reason to be concerned about safety of gs. Texas has not been known as a child friendly state, nor do the courts accept grandparents raising grandchildren. Again, while we vent here, when we deal with CPS or the courts we need to be very careful what we say. I understand your dismay with your son. My son walked out of our lives over 10 years ago and could not care less whether we live or die. No reason given, no explanation. Most say it is probably his wife but he's a big boy and makes his own decisions. I know how much it hurts. I pity my son for the anger he feels and helpless as to how to make it better. I just keep remembering the saying that you have to love them enough to let them go, but it's hard as I'm sure you would agree. Again, I am sorry if my words are harsh but there is so much at stake for our grandchildren. For over a year, we knew our gs was being abused physically and emotionally but could not prove it and had to wait for sil and his crazy wife to make a mistake before we could get our gs out of there. I hope things will get better.

I need to apologize. I got a few facts mixed up with another case when I referred to GMA recommending lawyer. That being said, I do think you need to speak to a lawyer and get a plan together.