My dd is expressing interest in regaining custody of her dd. Weve had gd for her entire life, her parents moved in with us the day of her birth, and gd has been with us alone for the last 2 years and 2 months. Of which, dd only visited 2 times in the first couple of months, since then dd has not seen her in 2 years until last weekend. I explained on dds visit that if she wanted to work to get her back it would take a long time and she would need to to build a relationship with gd. She agreed but is now talking about how theyve painted a room in their home for gd, and other such things.

Im understandably reluctant. Mostly because of a conversation we had the second night of her visit. We discussed the events that have taken place the past 4 years. My dd expressed to me that her feelings are hurt because we, her father and I, seem unaffected by her tears and we are no longer close to her. She said she has no support in her new state. She misses the closeness of family. Seriously? That just put the screws to me, because shes has always had our support / enabling until this happened with gd.
I had to remind her how weve come to this place in our relationship (her actions) , and that her father and I are protecting ourselves after all of the events that lead to us having guardianship of gd. I told her that its easier for her to forget because shes run to another state and has left all reminders behind, also, has built a new life with a new baby.

Then she confessed to having relationship problems with the new gcs father and said she knows that she has mental problems but is reluctant to seek help because she really doesnt want to know whats wrong with her. And admitted she is still smoking pot but only twice a day now when the new gc is asleep (hes 10-months old). She also said that she has learned not to be physically violent with her bf because he will only hit her back harder. Very disturbing. I told her gd is very sensitive to verbal arguments, event small disagreements, is upset easily by loud noises. And reminded her of her last visit when she and the bf were arguing in the car and it made gd very upset and she was crying. I had to pull over and threaten to leave both of them by the side of the road in order for them to stop.
Personally, I feel this is all about her and the fact that we are not enabling her anymore and she knows she is not welcome to live in our home until she seeks and goes through counseling and rehab.
I want whatever is best for our gd. Just wondering if theres professional help we can engage? I have so many questionsIs it even healthy to start talking about a transition at this age (4 years old). Would a bonding study be beneficial, guidance from a therapist, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.