Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Hi All. We went to court again today and the judge left the temporary guardianship with supervised visits in place. As many of you know, our daughter is a little different then most. She's not an out right drug user, but she lives with a convicted felon and makes horrible choices, including associations, I suspect drugs, among other things.
Our daughter lives an hour away and for the past 4 and half years we pick her up and drop her off for visits. usually she cancels but every weekend is highjacked by her possible visits. We agreed to a schedule she never keeps and most times asks that we change the visit to the next day, or shel'll ask if she can spend a couple of days with us, etc. Our weeks are always being jerked around. Currently the schedule is Thursday night - Saturday morning. Which she never keeps to. We're always having to cancel playdates, outings, dinners, etc, since my husband and I don't like taking her places, she expects us to pay for everything not to mention how tacky she can be. So, we're having a very hard conversation with her today. We're cutting her off. No more rides back and forth, and no more changing the schedule. I"m just not sure what would be considered reasonable? For me it would be every other Friday, if she can't make it then she has to wait until the next time. I'm tired of scrambling to change our schedule around hers. Do you think that every other Friday is unreasonable. Remember she is convinced that she sees the kids every Thr - Sun, it's what she tells the social worker, judge, everyone. Should I make it every Friday? Or maybe every other Friday - Saturday AM? What are your thoughts, experiences. This one is not backing down.
Our daughter lives an hour away and for the past 4 and half years we pick her up and drop her off for visits. usually she cancels but every weekend is highjacked by her possible visits. We agreed to a schedule she never keeps and most times asks that we change the visit to the next day, or shel'll ask if she can spend a couple of days with us, etc. Our weeks are always being jerked around. Currently the schedule is Thursday night - Saturday morning. Which she never keeps to. We're always having to cancel playdates, outings, dinners, etc, since my husband and I don't like taking her places, she expects us to pay for everything not to mention how tacky she can be. So, we're having a very hard conversation with her today. We're cutting her off. No more rides back and forth, and no more changing the schedule. I"m just not sure what would be considered reasonable? For me it would be every other Friday, if she can't make it then she has to wait until the next time. I'm tired of scrambling to change our schedule around hers. Do you think that every other Friday is unreasonable. Remember she is convinced that she sees the kids every Thr - Sun, it's what she tells the social worker, judge, everyone. Should I make it every Friday? Or maybe every other Friday - Saturday AM? What are your thoughts, experiences. This one is not backing down.
I'm happy to hear that you will no longer chauffeur her to and from visitation. IMHO she needs to learn how to figure out how to get to and from your home. I'm sure she finds a way to get other places that she wants to go :-0
Every other Friday is reasonable. Since these are supervised visitations, does this mean she comes to your home and stays there?
I applaud you for cutting off being her chauffeur. We did that long long ago with our DD. For us, it was about HER making an effort of some kind to show that she actually wants to be a part of the babies lives.
WTG. I'm so proud of you and your hubby.
I have debated long and hard if I should take my GD up to see her mom (in fact I have posted similar questions here) or dad. In the end I have the ability to decide because the paperwork both parents signed stated that they were to provide their own transportation. What specifically does your paperwork say? Are you legally obligated to provide transportation?
Given your daughter's history I would say that the every other Friday is more than fair. If she manages to make her visits with her kids a priority in her life you can renegotiate the issue after she has shown a change. It is not fair to you, your husband or the kids to constantly have to change plans due tyo her inability to keep a schedule.
My daughter used to pull this with me and I stuck to my guns. We made her tell us by Wednesday of the week she wanted to come, which day (Thurs, Friday or Saturday she was planning on coming. We told her come Wednesday if we hadn't heard from her, then we were making our plans for the weekend and we wouldn't be changing them. She tried once or twice to change that and we stuck to our guns. She told us over and over how we were keeping HER kids from her, but sure changed her tune when we came back with, "Well if they are HER kids, then why doesn't she have them living with her"? That usually shut her up.
Through Al-Anon I learned that it's healthy to have boundaries. The first few times I said "no," I felt that familiar rush of guilt. Then I realized how freeing it was to be able to tell someone that I didn't want to put up with this or that, and didn't have to because it was unreasonable.