Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

446 Members
3,703 Posts
0 Online
Seniors
/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

My granddaughter blew my mind!

SaraBT
SaraBT
My eldest has been in counseling for several months because of cutting. Gradually, she has been sharing more with me, but after yesterday's counseling session she totally blew me away.

She said that because she had to take charge of her own life due to Pinky's drug use, she often forgets that she's only 14 and makes decisions about things she should ask permission for. She said she would try harder to "be 14" and think through her decisions more.

Then she said, "Mommy still thinks she'll get a job, apartment, car, get married and get us kids back, but she won't. It's her fantasy, and I realized that it's all she has left. She lives for that dream and if she ever accepted the truth I think she would die. So even though she will keep making us crazy now and then I have to remember that and realize that it's all she has in the world."

She hit the nail right on the head - I'd never looked at Pinky's situation like that before. It's really, really sad.
LadyDeb
LadyDeb
It sounds like your granddaughter has really grasped this truth. She sounds very wise. It's sad that our grandchildren need to deal with these things. I hope she continues to open up to you and that the cutting issue stops.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Actually, she had stopped cutting before she started counseling. The weird thing is that we thought she was doing it because Pinky wasn't around anymore. But when the counselor asked questions, it turned out that she was cutting because Pinky WAS around. Another mind-blower!

The sad thing is that she has horrific scars on her arms and legs and who knows if they'll ever go away? But she blew me away again by wearing shorts and sleeveless tops. She said she has made peace with it, it's part of her past and she isn't going to be hot in summer just because of the scars.

She also said that the scars may get another girl to ask her about them, and that maybe she can help that girl get help.

I love her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
Wow, she sounds like very intelligent young lady.
daisydduck
daisydduck
It is a shame that our grandkids have to grow up so fast. Our sil was so dysfunctional, our grandson took on the parenting role at age 5! The therapist pointed this out to us. My daughter always told grandson: "your job is to just be a kid!". When his father abandoned him with a letter from his lawyer, we knew we had to create our own little family and the rules used during raising our three bio kids were not sufficient. We had to admit that some of our parenting beliefs would not work with a grandson who had suffered so much loss in his life. It's good to hear your granddaughter is opening up. She must have tremendous respect for you to open up like that. She's a keeper!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow! Totally impressed with this young lady! Great job SaraBT is providing the loving, stable environment that she needed!
grammy22
grammy22
She has made a lot of progress in a few months. It is nice to hear.

I worry that even though I do the best I can with my GDS until they are 18, they may not understand enough, that bio mom will be able to suck them back in at that point. The old mom loves you and is sick and needs some one to take of me line.
daisydduck
daisydduck
grammy, we can only do the best we can. There is so much out there for kids to process today. Giving them a strong base will hopefully keep them straight. Our grandson went through some iffy periods but always came back for the stability we offered.
candsmom
candsmom
It is so sad and yet so wonderful when our kids get it. Mine told me she reacted the way she did at times because of what happened to her when she was little. Now we knew that but she didn't! She stepped on something not long ago and while she was working up the courage to let me pull it out, she said you know my first mom never would have pulled it out (I think she would have, but kept my mouth shut) and made sure I was OK.

Like they say, out of the mouths of babes!
carly2010
carly2010
Wow, that is pretty insightful. It's great that she understands that. That is one of my worries as my little one gets older.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Of course, for every two steps forward there are five steps behind.
Pinky called last Monday and apparently she was high (I didn't know about it).
By Tuesday my eldest had cut again - first time in months. Sigh.
SaraBT
SaraBT
I think Pinky is getting cut out of their lives completely. I've had it.
grammy22
grammy22
It sounds like that might be a wise move.
SaraBT
SaraBT
The counselor wouldn't come right out and say it, but she made it clear that Pinky needs to GO!

My middle granddaughter tried to call Pinky and her number is "no longer in service." I don't think that's the message you get when you ran out of minutes. She must be in really bad straits.!!!
daisydduck
daisydduck
We were faced with gaining success with grandson and repairing damage from visits with bio dad and his crazy wife. Addicts are bad but mental illness is another ballgame. Our grandson was set free when his father walked away with words: "he can look me up when he's 18." We did not tell grandson why his father would not be coming around, he was relieved and we then gained. ground in our family stability. So called parents should have no rights. Very glad to hear your granddaughter is responding so well to therapy. Have you offered her a substitute for cutting? A Rubberband on her wrist that she can snap when she gets the urge to cut might help.
8legs
8legs
I must say we have bonded more with biomom out of the picture. I use to think it was better for them to see her and the oldest did want to but then after four years he had enough. It has been 3 months now and we are all doing good.