Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
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About once per month our 16 yo GD has a total meltdown seemingly from out of the blue. Last evening we were all having dinner together and discussing today being the last day of her semester in online high school.
She has gotten so far behind due to starting school right when she moved in with us, dealing with past abuse, neglect, depression and anxiety. Also lots of doctors appointments for follow up to brain tumor surgery and lots of court hearings.
She is now on antidepressant/antianxiety medication and in weekly therapy so she is starting to feel better and my husband and I are doing everything we can for her.
Her plan for classes was that she would work hard right up to the deadline this afternoon and pass as many classes as possible. (She is used to being on the honor roll and taking college courses prior to the brain tumor so "just passing" is very difficult for her.)
At dinner she announced that she was not going to pass so was taking the day off today. While my husband paused mid bite, I took a big breath and suggested that she continue to work until the deadline today as planned. I said this in a calm voice.
This is when GD went ballistic yelling that I was emotionally abusing her, that I could not make her do anything, that I was the reason she was so stressed out, that her friends agreed with her (she has not had any of them here even though I suggest it), that I was as abusive as her mother, that her life was none of my business, that I was a liar since I promised to emancipate but now won't.
I did agree to sign emancipation papers when she turns 17 in order to keep her safely with us instead of living with her 20 year old boyfriend.
Last month when she had a huge meltdown, I told her I was breaking my promise. That I was sorry for that but that I loved her too much to sign papers to send her out in the world on her own.
Last evening I told her that her schooling was my business and if she couldn't handle online school, I would register her in our district. (She does not want to go here, and is on a waiting list for her old district with her large group of old friends, which will be the BEST thing for her.) She went into her room and shut the door for the rest of the night.
Sorry this is so long! I left the table and felt ill after this. My heart hurt, my head hurt and I just feel so helpless. I love this child so much and she seems to hate me and blame everything in her life on me. It doesn't help that I feel so much guilt over failing to keep her safe.
She has gotten so far behind due to starting school right when she moved in with us, dealing with past abuse, neglect, depression and anxiety. Also lots of doctors appointments for follow up to brain tumor surgery and lots of court hearings.
She is now on antidepressant/antianxiety medication and in weekly therapy so she is starting to feel better and my husband and I are doing everything we can for her.
Her plan for classes was that she would work hard right up to the deadline this afternoon and pass as many classes as possible. (She is used to being on the honor roll and taking college courses prior to the brain tumor so "just passing" is very difficult for her.)
At dinner she announced that she was not going to pass so was taking the day off today. While my husband paused mid bite, I took a big breath and suggested that she continue to work until the deadline today as planned. I said this in a calm voice.
This is when GD went ballistic yelling that I was emotionally abusing her, that I could not make her do anything, that I was the reason she was so stressed out, that her friends agreed with her (she has not had any of them here even though I suggest it), that I was as abusive as her mother, that her life was none of my business, that I was a liar since I promised to emancipate but now won't.
I did agree to sign emancipation papers when she turns 17 in order to keep her safely with us instead of living with her 20 year old boyfriend.
Last month when she had a huge meltdown, I told her I was breaking my promise. That I was sorry for that but that I loved her too much to sign papers to send her out in the world on her own.
Last evening I told her that her schooling was my business and if she couldn't handle online school, I would register her in our district. (She does not want to go here, and is on a waiting list for her old district with her large group of old friends, which will be the BEST thing for her.) She went into her room and shut the door for the rest of the night.
Sorry this is so long! I left the table and felt ill after this. My heart hurt, my head hurt and I just feel so helpless. I love this child so much and she seems to hate me and blame everything in her life on me. It doesn't help that I feel so much guilt over failing to keep her safe.
Is there any way she could get tutoring or homeschooling for a semester? If she really, really doesn't want to go on to college she could also try to pass a GED. Her health should come first at this point, but I can see it feels like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
She really wants to go to college and knows that's the way to have a promising future. I am trying to guide her through this but anything I do is probably looking like pressure. Thanks for pointing that out Sara.
She is on the lowest dose of Prozac and started it right after Thanksgiving. She is no longer suicidal, is laughing at things and her affect is much brighter! She's being followed closely by her primary physician and her therapist.
Don't want to sound like an alarmist -- some of the mass school shootings the shooters were on anti-depressants. Maybe it has to do more with boys chemistry on the drug -- my daughter's aggressive behavior seemed so at odds with her true nature and that is very kind and gentle.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/
Thanks, Lucille!
You described the outburst as once a month; have you considered that she may struggle with a bad case of PMS?
Sure enough, they both said "confusion." We then had a great discussion about teenage brains, and I was able to tell them that if they think someone hates them they could simply be misreading the facial expression.
I highly suggest reading those articles!
She was able to discontinue one of her steroids but is still on a lose dose steroid. We are hoping to be able to D/C that one at her next Adrenal appointment in February.
She also had a big work up with a Neuropsychologist in September. He is the one who diagnosed her depression and anxiety and recommended medication and therapy. She is currently receiving both.
I feel so frustrated that my daughter kept me from knowing details. I need to ask ALOT more questions of the Neurosurgeon, NeuroOncologist and Adrenal doctor. We have "clinic" with all of these doctors on March 4th but I'll try to obtain more info before that.
Later I acted like nothing had happened and then she seemed fine, calm, happy. I will continue to ignore outbursts.