Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Lying to my Grandchild

sunni185
sunni185
I am so angry!! My GD sat at the dinner table last night and asked my husband if he was going to miss our dog when she went to live with her Mom. He gently asked if she was planning on taking the dog with her and where she was going to keep it. Her Mother told her that she could go live with her in about six weeks, which is a lie, because we go back to court June 4th for full custody and my daughter has agreed to sign the papers. My Gd also informed me that her Mom said she and my older daughter were going to get a bigger house together, so there would be enough room for all 3 of my grandchildren. In fact my older daughter is going to kick her out because she doesn't have a job and is partying all the time and doesn't come home at night. Why would she tell this child all these lies? This child wants to have parents like all the other children. It's really hard on her when her friends ask where her Mom is.(this happened recently) plus her Mom has warrants on her and it's just a matter of time until she goes back to jail. How many times does she have to get this childs hopes up, only to dash them? She has made no effort to straighten her life out so someday she can raise her child. When she tells my GD these things we have to try to deal with the fallout. We have decided there will be no more overnights with Mom if she's going to fill her head with these lies. Visitation is up to us right now, and I know it's important for my GD to see her Mom, but not if it is going to hurt her emotionally. These parents amaze me! I just can't believe they even care one iota about they're children. I'm so sick of dealing with this kind of crap! Sorry just venting. what do any of you think about this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I deal with the same crap on a daily basis. We are always the ones picking up the pieces when the parents lie to their children. I will not let my grandson stay with his mother for the same reasons (plus some). You do what's best for your grandchild. Hopefully, you will get permanent custody of her when you go back to court. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
How old is your grandchild? depending on their age I would gently let them know the truth...figure if you think they can handle it..do not lie to them...they will lose trust...maybe let them know their mother is mistaken...just depends on their age...but they certainly should not be lied to...that's wrong....terrible knowing you have to deal with the fallout...shame on their mother....have you asked her why she is lying to the children in the first place? that's the best way to start...then maybe let your daughter tell the children she made a mistake...let her deal with the fallout....that's not fair to those children. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We have went through the same thing, actually you sounded like our story period.
Many times they have told my Gc that in so many days or weeks she is going back, when that is not happening and they know better.
Just be honest with her with out calling her momy a lier, they figure that all out on there own. And the dog going with your grand child probable said she didn't want to come back and used the dog for her excuse so they said it could come to.
deleted_user
deleted_user
just keep being honest, these people do not know how I think they live in a fantise world. Just make it up as they go. They do not care what it does to the child.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't understand how or why they do these things either. We haven't had to deal with it for a while now, since my s/d has disappeared. We've talked to her maybe once in the last month or so, she hasn't seen her son in almost 6 weeks. My gs gets upset every time she leaves though, b/c she'd been telling him how she was getting this house & fixing up a room just for him, she'd be getting him soon, etc. We've finally started getting him to realize that this is home now, he's going to be here for a long time. We're afraid of when she does re-surface though & want to see him. I told my dh that she wasn't seeing him until she agreed to a visitation schedule, she wasn't going to pop in & out whenever she felt like it, leaving us to pick up the pieces after she leaves.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Shelli what I started doing is when they set up a place and time to visit they had to call with in 2 hours before the visit to confirm. A that point I would tell the little one other wise if they did not confirm I didin't go or tell the little one.
Once one of them did show up but we were not there and called later to say where were you. I said you didn't call to confirm...of yea I forgot....duuuuuuuuuu
I know of others that do the same thing.
So even if the visits are at your house if she does not call 2 hours before leave the house, go to wal-mart, a park or something for awhile. Teach her what it feels like.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Grandchild are smarter then we all think. Sooner or later they will be telling you about their parents and what they are like. They also let you know that home is with you. My girls (5&7) are now calling us Mom & Dad after 4 yrs. The oldest knows m/d are to take classes before they can go back, he doesn't know they are parenting, drug, & alcohol classes. They both are saying that m/d don't want them back. She also knows that they can not be with m/d unless someone can be there with the girls. Yes, the fall out is hard to deal with but in our case the girls have learned to deal with it better all the time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your post shows exactly why we don't allow my daughter alone with my granddaughter. We all here at t he house are so afraid she'll make a promise she doesn't plan to keep or say something hurtful. I do worry about this as my granddaughter gets older...she's only 3 yrs and 7 months of age now. I mean, realistically for the rest of her life...we can't always be with her when her mama is here visiting. I don't know what I'll do. Guess take it one step at a time.