There is no age set in stone so much depends on what is in their past. If people around them are not open about feelings, if they are made fun of when they express emotions, they do not feel safe with some one, they are not going to express their feelings.

My eight year old will open up a lot more then the ten year old. The ten year old is very capable of putting things into words. Such as telling up she doesxnpt like to talk about her emotions and what is in her head so she is not going to. Yet at night when every one else is sleeping if I lay with her and rub her back she will once in a great while get into a deep conversation. Because she acts outs I sometimes feel she is delayed yet other times she is far beyond her years.

She is too young to know how to express her feelings. Behavioral issues may be her acting out her frustrations. Stick w therapist and be patient.

My oldest (9) gs .would not talk for the first year. He built up walls to protect himself. Also his bioparents would tell him to not tell. It took once a week for a few months then 2 times a month for 2years before he really started opening up. At home the first 2 years we didnt get many hugs or much conversasion but once he started sharing with his threapist we have made great progress. He has made such progress that he is now on a as needed. When he ask to go I make the appointment. They came to live with me 4 years ago and I got him in threapy right after. My first meeting with his threapist I let her know that I wanted this to be his safe place to talk. I wanted him to know he had a place to talk about anything. She only shares with me what he agrees to let her share. This has worked very well and my hopes are that when he reaches teen years he will be able to talk with her openly. They need someone to talk to the will not react in sock or sadness when they tell their story. I know that with my grandson some things he didnt remember unitl something triggered the memory. His threapist said to me that people dont just remember there is always something that triggers the memory. Our children have been though so much just keep listening when they want to talk and never try to force it. As the start feeling safe and know that they will be loved no matter what.

8legs reply sounds just like what we went through with gd who is now 10. Both my gs and gd and been told not to tell for so long that telling wasn't an option.
My gd also does play therapy, her therapist is able to tell right away if there is something going on. when we first started gd would not really talk about anything, then she began to tell me stuff and I would ask her if she wanted me to tell her therapist and she started to agree, and so most times anything she needs to talk about, or when something has triggered her thoughts, she tells me and with her in the room I tell her therapist and then either I leave or stay with her, often she won't talk unless i am in the room with her.
My gd and gs have both told me that they don't like to even think about what happened in that house and talking about it makes them remember. My gd wll hide in the closet or in the bed under the covers if there was any type of yelling or fighting on TV. It terrifies her.

Does your GD want to visit her bio mom/dad? I really cannot fathom how a child would work through the emotions of such a complicated situation. It's a real shame she is being told the plan is to take her from you. My 7 year old doesn't remember being with his bio parents because I've had him since he was 21 months, but he doesn't verbalize any feelings regarding his parents other than occasional sadness when a visit ends. Im so thankful I was able to give him the stability of adoption. No one can make him empty promises or threaten to uproot him. You need a specialist to help guide you in this sensitive family dynamic. Her behavior probably stems from confusion & fear.

I do not understand bios that want to fill these kids with empty promises. Building hope.....it is so hurtful for the kids and just makes them distrust more what the bio says......

What does your GD think or understand about her parent being transgender?

grammaga, It drives me crazy when our dd make tries to make promises. I'm sure it has everything to do with making themselves feel better. They just can't see past themselves.

Thank you to each and everyone who responded to my post. I've been away from my computer recently....trying to deal with distressing info regarding my mother ( descending more and more into dementia ) On the subject of trans bio, well, it IS a really hard subject to get your head around .. AND then... for a young child ! This is supposed to be gd's mommy ! But trans bio has all the parenting abilities of a rock - an abusive, neglectful rock. Bio purposely got pregnant and delivered a child without ever considering what effect it would have on child, then transitioned to male. I've shed quite a few tears for my gd, - no mommy or daddy ( sperm donor has always been out of the picture ) Gd ( now nearly 8 ) has asked ?'s throughout and I answer truthfully and appropriately for her age. Yes, major confusion - resulting in major acting out and a lot of other things, too. Early this year, in play therapist office ( with therapist coaching me first ) I told her what's up with J ( she MUST call bio by first name, per bio) and that she can ask me or her therapist ?'s about this anytime. Gd said nothing then and has only skirted around it ever so slightly since. I KNOW she's too young to really get it, but therapist felt it vital to 'get it out there in the open'. Now, gd has begun expressing anger at phantom father and often makes up stories about her "dad" - this is next on the agenda at therapy. As often stated in our various posts, these bios are incredibly SELF CENTERED. Their messes made are certainly hellish to clean up - or at least do our darnedest to clean up. The issues the kids must deal with just don't mean diddlysquat to these to these selfish , selfish bios. I don't cry much over it anymore - just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do my best for gd. Thanks again to ALL, your wisdom and compassion mean the world to me.

How tragic for your gd. It's a crying shame he/she has any parental rights. No child should be subjected to such emotional trauma. The child is probably better off calling bio by "J", because it has to feel very uncomfortable to call former mommy......daddy!! I really feel for you. I cannot fathom the issues that are sure to surface when your gd hits puberty & starts having her own feelings and ideas about sexuality. How often does your gd have to endure visits?? It does not sound like bio even wants to be a parent at all.