We cannot expect that these children will not have problems as they develop. What the bio moms do to these kids stays with them, sometimes simmering under the surface. Your gd probably wanted things to be right with you and respond to your love. However, the damage done by her mom is there. People think that grandma can give the gc a hug and kiss and make it all better but we all know that doesn't work. It's good she had someone she could speak to and certainly should be no reflection on you. I'm sorry you have to go through this but you have overcome so much, I'm sure you will learn to handle this. This is where unconditional love comes in. She needs to know you love her, no matter what. It sounds like she might be going through a period of blaming herself for her mother's problems. Be sure that family therapy is part of her treatment. You will survive this. God be with you.

My oldest Gd is almost 10 and already I am dreading the teen years. Even children who have had good childhoods can be difficult add the extra emotional baggage and we may be in for a rough ride. My gd has times when she is difficult and my patience is wearing thin, she stops laughs at me gives me a hug and says " aren't you glad I am not a teenager yet."

Grammy, been there,done that w three bio kids and grandson. You are right in that it is a rough period and throw in baggage from bio parents, you have a package. From what I have seen the younger you get them the better it goes. If you get them after age 3, it seems you have more control. Btw has nothing to do . W your bonding w bc. I learned structure and flexibility were key. Sara, this w be important for especially w diagnosis. Set limits they can succeed with. Set consequences appropriate to their actions. Tell them you love them even when they make wrong choices. Therapy is important as it is a hard time for them and you. I hope you w accept this advice with lo e from somebody who's been there.

She may have some of the same mental health issues as her mother unfortunately these things can come out in their teen years. At least you are aware of it and getting her help, that is all we can do. Even if she does have some mental health issues they can be dealt with and she can have a better life then her mother, and possibly take medication rather then turning to drugs.

Actually, I suspect that her issues are opposite those of her mother - she's seeking to be perfect and putting too much pressure on herself.

Then she got all tangled up in online chats about cutting, which is very trendy in our local schools. That gets to be self-perpetuating. When we took her phone away, she turned back to her normal joyful self. But she still has issues and I can't wait for counseling to begin!

One of my clients is a family services organization - one of the best in our state. I was totally embarrassed, but told my client what was going on and they got us into a home-and-family-centered program that's covered by the kids' insurance.

I hope it helps!!!!!

Sara,

My gd's Mom is a cutter, she started around the age of 15 but was given no help since her mother was the one that started her on this path of drugs and cutting. When she was older I had seen times when she was in counseling and the cutting would stop, I think if she stayed with it more then two or three months it might have made a difference.

I got my gd's into counseling and it has helped a lot. I have seen such a turn around with the 9 year old the past two weeks, it is amazing. So many issues to cover but right now they are focusing on her relationship with her sister. My house feels almost normal with out her bullying her sister non stop.



My granddaughters had in home counseling when they lived with their maternal grandfather. I wonder how big a difference there is in the outcome of in home and in office counseling. I would assume some kids are more comfortable at home and other will not open up due to the fact that other people are around.

I also wonder how these counselors can tell what is made up and what is the truth. My oldest GD threw a fit when out shopping, she told the counselor it was due to some one once looked at her under a change room door so she will not use a change room. The counselor seemed to believe her. SO not true, she loves to shop and try on clothes but this day she was mad because she wanted to toy shop.

So sorry to hear this. Yes, some girls do cut only because its "trendy", yikes right. As far being a great actress, I can so relate. My mom died of cancer when I was 10. Everyone thought I was doing great compared to my 3 siblings. I had excellent grades and seemed to be emotionally fine, happy even. Under the surface however, it was a different story.

I was and am a total perfectionist because it gave me control. When I was in my late 30-early 40's I developed an anxiety disorder because as we all know, control is just an illusion and being a perfectionist is very stressful. Cutting can be a way to relieve anxiety just as using drugs or alcohol to self-medicate. The people around me loved me and would have done anything for me but it was an internal battle. I felt like I could not share my grief with anyone because they had their own grief to handle. Maybe that's why she doesn't share this with you.

Counseling will be so good for her. It can only help. God Bless.

I think the most frustrating thing that most teens do is that "I don't know" crap. No matter what you ask them: "How was school?" "Do you have homework?" "How are you?" - their answer is "I don't know."

A child psychologist told me that's totally normal and it aggravates them, too. But at least they have techniques for getting better answers out of the kids. LOL!

Just be there. She w come to you when she's ready. When you ask a question, be specific. Have teacher send you homework info. Express interest in subject. My kids came to me when I was preparing dinner, watching tv etc. I always stopped and gave them my undivided attention. It was amazing how they w open up! My overall feelings about raising teenagers is to tell them you love them and then hang on for the ride!

Prayers for your family, Sara. The genetics & hereditary issues really concern me as to what we all may have ahead of us as our kids get into the adolescent & teen years. My not-quite 3 year old GS is pretty whiney & emotional and my daughter was using drugs the whole pregnancy in addition to being a crying emotional MESS the entire time. There's no telling what kind of damage is done in their developing brains during AND after their births.....