Hello, I'm so thankful to find this community of support. My husband and I have permanent legal custody of our youngest gd. Our daughter left home at 18 because she could "do what she wanted" three weeks later my parents took her in and 7 years later they've paid for three weddings (none of which we attended)(longer story) she has another daughter who her 2nd husband has custody of. A few years later she got pregnant and married an abusive kid who had been homeless for years. Fast forward domestic violence against our daughter he's arrested and then back in the home living with my parents and a few weeks later daughter asks us to take gd or she'll put her on a plane to bio mom of hubby who she never met. We said yes and were able to secure permanent legal custody our daughter joined our petition and signed the paperwork so we would get custody. We offered 1 hour weekly supervised visits and she came sporadically the first 9 months. Our gd was 5 months and very underweight when she came. Our daughter isn't using drugs the label she has is asperger syndrome she's highly intelligent and I believe if she wanted to turn her life around she could but my parents enabling her behavior has created a spoiled girl who lives in a fantasy reality she hasn't worked in 7 years except for seasonal work at a haunted house. She has been in many very unhealthy relationships which my parents don't seem to have a clue about why or how things should be. We've had our gd for 13 months now when our daughter told us she was pregnant this time I knew immediately she wouldn't be parenting and believed it was just a matter of time before the baby was out of her home. I had a couple on my mind right away and prayed our gd could be theirs some day. Fast forward a few months later she has the baby and life goes on as expected she doesn't hold her baby she puts her in a swing all day except for feedings and she swaddled her non stop until she came to our house. Cps was involved a few times for home checks at my parents but they never opened a case. I used to be in a wheelchair full time I have progressive multiple sclerosis. A few years ago I was prayed for and my disease progression stopped and I regained strength and stability and can walk again. I have fibromyalgia and my husband struggles with a sleep disorder like narcolepsy so we don't know how we would raise her but it's one day at a time so ...at the 5 month mark I talked to our daughter and said basically since God gives you 9 months to get ready to have a baby the clock is ticking we had her longer than her parents at that time and I urged her to consider adoption if after 9 months she wasn't significantly on the road to independence...she agreed and said the couple I mentioned was the only ones she would ever let adopt our gd...the reality is she has mountains of debt she likes to go to the er plus she owes lots of child support so she is a few years away from independent living but I really don't expect her to make any forward momentum until my parents are out of the picture. They won't kick her out although they've threatened a few time which is why she called us to take the baby she said she needed a few weeks to figure things out. The dad hasn't seen the child at all in 13 months and at the 9 month mark I asked our daughter to relinquish our gd so she could be adopted and she said she wanted to wait until the year. She just got her drivers license and a job working as a cna I really don't expect the job to go anywhere and financially she won't be moving ahead until my folks are out of the enabling role. At the 9 month mark I told our daughter since this was supposed to be temporary I didn't want to supervise the visits in our home anymore and she would need a paid qualified supervisor moving forward. (Our paperwork states that) she hasn't seen her since I stopped supervising, the holidays are approaching our daughter is 25 our son is 15 and loves his sister he gets things aren't supposed to be this way at all yet he longs to spend time with her. We don't want to keep him from a relationship and believe things are way out of balance at my folks. We invite my parent over ever other month but keep them at a distance as they don't understand why she can't see her daughter or what's wrong and don't believe things were that bad. My parents did most of the work with the oldest gd until the dad moved out and took her so this time around my mom tried to do less and was gone a lot so our daughter would parent and yet here we are...I don't know how to handle to holidays we have hardly seen them for holidays because of things over the years and now it feels so crazy to want to be there and how excited our daughter will be and how overbearing she is my parents always hover over our gd when they visit and the whole thing makes me feel sick yet...they're my parents she's our daughter were a family ...advice and prayers welcomed.