Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
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I remember in Al-Anon that people said it can be more difficult when a loved one is in recovery than when they were using. I never knew what they meant, until Pinky started her recovery in June of last year.
She has been 100% faithful, coming to our house every weekend to take over with the kids. For the first time in six years my husband and I were free on weekends, and it was nice. Even if we didn't go anywhere, we could watch movies at home, uninterrupted.
Now Pinky got a waitress job -- on weekends! So on one hand she's meeting one of her goals, but on the other, we lose out.
She was supposed to have been married to Lover Boy by now, but something is wrong there and neither of us can figure out what it is.
-He lied to her about his age, (55 instead of 50) and kept it up for a year until she accidentally found out. He said it was because he was afraid she wouldn't want someone that old. He knows darn well that older men are exactly what Pinky has always wanted.
-He has absolutely no relationship with his brother, his three adult children, and has never met his grandson. He said that because he expressed reservations when his unmarried 21-year-old got pregnant, she totally cut him off. I find that hard to believe.
-Last week, he accidentally texted Pinky a message that said "don't forget my pants." Completely innocent -- he plays in a church band and could have been texting the guy he plays with. But he denied sending the text altogether - and is maintaining that lie!!! Pinky said he became very angry when she asked him about it.
-Pinky says they really don't have a physical relationship.
She's beginning to put off marriage plans (a good idea, I think) until she can figure out what's going on. It's obvious that something is. Since I'm such a cynic I'm wondering:
1. Is he gay? He's a born-again Christian so he would not want that to be known. Maybe he wants Pinky for cover?
2. Does he want access to the kids? He has no record, he's on no lists, but you never know.
So now we've lost Pinky on weekends and the marriage could be off. She seems to be handling it well for now, but I guess time will tell. I still think we'll have the kids for the duration.
At least she'll visit Mondays and Tuesdays, so I'll get a break, even if my husband and I don't get one together. YIKES!
Sorry for the long rant...
She has been 100% faithful, coming to our house every weekend to take over with the kids. For the first time in six years my husband and I were free on weekends, and it was nice. Even if we didn't go anywhere, we could watch movies at home, uninterrupted.
Now Pinky got a waitress job -- on weekends! So on one hand she's meeting one of her goals, but on the other, we lose out.
She was supposed to have been married to Lover Boy by now, but something is wrong there and neither of us can figure out what it is.
-He lied to her about his age, (55 instead of 50) and kept it up for a year until she accidentally found out. He said it was because he was afraid she wouldn't want someone that old. He knows darn well that older men are exactly what Pinky has always wanted.
-He has absolutely no relationship with his brother, his three adult children, and has never met his grandson. He said that because he expressed reservations when his unmarried 21-year-old got pregnant, she totally cut him off. I find that hard to believe.
-Last week, he accidentally texted Pinky a message that said "don't forget my pants." Completely innocent -- he plays in a church band and could have been texting the guy he plays with. But he denied sending the text altogether - and is maintaining that lie!!! Pinky said he became very angry when she asked him about it.
-Pinky says they really don't have a physical relationship.
She's beginning to put off marriage plans (a good idea, I think) until she can figure out what's going on. It's obvious that something is. Since I'm such a cynic I'm wondering:
1. Is he gay? He's a born-again Christian so he would not want that to be known. Maybe he wants Pinky for cover?
2. Does he want access to the kids? He has no record, he's on no lists, but you never know.
So now we've lost Pinky on weekends and the marriage could be off. She seems to be handling it well for now, but I guess time will tell. I still think we'll have the kids for the duration.
At least she'll visit Mondays and Tuesdays, so I'll get a break, even if my husband and I don't get one together. YIKES!
Sorry for the long rant...
Alanon does teach us to mind our own buisness and technically this is
your business to some degree.
If it were me, I would sit back and wait to see
how it plays out.
It definately sounds like something fishey is going on but you would
never want to be the one to go there.
I think you and dh are in it for the longhaul with the kiddo`s. Just in opinion though. Time will tell.
R~
Thank God she did start slowing things down, because we can both feel that something isn't right. At least she's got enough wits to know that she doesn't want to marry someone that she can't trust 100%.
Well, the good news is that I never counted on her getting the kids back, anyway. But somewhere in the back of my mind I think I did sorta hope :-)