Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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mamawx4 04/13/2009

I am having alot of problems with my back and am looking to have a major surgery on my spine within the next month or so.I am in constant pain from several bulging discs and several small tumors on my spine.The pain is so bad that I can't stay in any one position for any length of time,so I don't get any sleep at night and they keep me going all day and I don't get any rest a during the day either.
I am so worried about the grandbabies because I really don't have any one to help care for them if and when I have this done.I am so afraid that if the statefinds out they will come take my boys away from me. My hubby tries to help but he is not well either and they run circles around him.Their mother is not allowed to be around them[by court order]so she can't help me.My youngest daughter and I have had a huge falling out and we haven't talked in some time now by her choice.I don't even have anyone that I can leave them with for an hour not to mention some one who can or will help care for them during and after I HAVE THIS surgery.So please keep me in your prayers to be able to figure how to care for myself and make sure they are cared for in the process and not taken from me.

deleted_user 04/13/2009

Prayers for you and yours.

SaraBT 04/13/2009

I'm not a big fan of government assistance, but are there any agencies in your area that could help with the child care while you're recuperating? Maybe your doctor could put you in touch with one of them?

Kat51 04/13/2009

You're in my prayers. Not sure how old your grandchildren are or what your financial situation is? Is there any way the kids could go to some sort of camp - Bible camp, YMCA camp, anything like that and you could schedule your surgery while they're gone? Or, is it possible that they would step up and listen to your husband if they know that he has to take care of them while you're recovering or the only alternative might be foster care? Do you belong to a church group or a local grandparents support group that could maybe help you out? I hope everything works out for you.

mamawx4 04/13/2009

As my babies are only 2 1/2 and 15 months,they are not old enough for any of these things and there is no way that I would ever even consider foster care because here in Tn it would be almost impossible for me to get them back [because I am a grandparent instead of a parent,grandparents have no rights here]and I couldn't stand being away from them for that long.I am talking to someone about hiring them to come stay at with us and care for my home and family while I recover.The problem is coming up with the money to pay her.

Kat51 04/13/2009

No, I hear you about foster care - wouldn't do it either. There are some volunteer agencies here that help with things like personal care, light housekeeping, etc., but I don't know about child care help. Plus, it seems like it's nearly impossible to find the info about where to get help even if there is any available. Could you barter anything for the childcare help? Do you do any craft things, trade babysitting with anyone, does your husband do woodworking or odd jobs that you could barter for? I'm sure there must be lots of others in situations where the primary caregiver needs help while recovering from surgery or illness and not everyone has family who can help. I honestly don't know what people do.

deleted_user 04/14/2009

I will pray that you find an answer to your situation! I feel for you, because, as a single grandma, I fear physical problems the most! Praying for you, MMX4

deleted_user 04/14/2009

Check with your local Senior Citizen center they may have some resources for you, also check with AARP they might also have some leads.
Hiring a neighbor to stay with you for a few hours or for the day until the little ones are in bed would be the ideal situation because you would be right there with them.

Do you perhaps have a retired neighbor that could help you with their care in your home in exchange for some under the table money?? Helps you....helps them.

daisydduck 04/15/2009

If you are not in the foster care program, you are saving the state a lot of money. If you get a caseworker in, they will be looking at your ability to care for the children. If they feel you can recuperate and handle the children, they should get you help. It doesn't sound like your husband is supportive of you caring for the children. If you get someone in, will he help? I agree with suggestion to go to senior center. How about your church? Also, go to state website to department on aging who handle grandparents raising grandchildren. They may be able to help you. (doesn't matter how old you are).

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