Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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dianaconroy 12/14/2011

Hello All. Thank you so much for responding to my topic of "we got temporary guardianship". All your advise has been great, especially the one about documenting. I've been doing it but realized there is some important stuff I haven't been writing. But I have to say that having all the control right now is really hard. Especially since I'm beginning to think I'm co-dependant in my relationship with my step-daughter. Yesterday she called and said she expected the kids Wednesday - Saturday, given the investigatiors finding, our attorney has advised us not to allow vistation without supervision, I told her we were waiting for an order from the judge before allowing any overnights and she had a fit, said horrible things including that she was going to lie about things to get us in trouble. it was horrible. But Im sticking to my guns for the kids. I'm they're advocate not hers. I have to protect them, but what keeps me co-dependant is the fact that if we lose temporary guardianship I might lose them forever, if I piss her off. I feel emotionally blackmailed. Our attorney saids that because they've always lived with us, things look good for us. But I have to prepare and be realistic.

SaraBT 12/14/2011

Dina, you're sticking to your guns -- and that's all that counts. (Don't forget to document exactly what she said about lying, too :-)

Pinky never threatened to take the kids back, but she used to say all kinds of nasty things when she was still getting high. Sometimes I would get suckered into yelling back, but then I'd remember that I was supposed to be the sane one, and I'd just hang up.

I would also remind Pinky just why she lost the kids in the first place, but that didn't do any good. Addicts are SO wrapped up in themselves that nobody else exists or matters.

dianaconroy 12/14/2011

Thanks Sara. Its so crazy and on top of things I get concerned that the father (who is an addict and homeless), or his family members might contest our guardianship.

SaraBT 12/14/2011

I'd bet that the other grandparents wouldn't stand a chance - just from a logical point of view. The mother usually gets precedence, and you're the bio-mom's family. Second, if one suitable set of grandparents has the kid, the court would prefer to give the kid back to a parent. They'd have no reason to uproot the child just to give him or her to another set of grandparents.

But I don't know what would happen if they mounted an active challenge. I assume they'd have to prove that you and your husband were unfit, and that would be a difficult standard to meet.

Bonkers2 12/14/2011

Hi there - I had to log in after reading your post. I am mainly a lurker I guess. I read every day (more than once) but rarely post. This site has helped me immensely. I can SO relate to your post. We are guardians to our 2 gc for over 3 years. I was constantly on guard every time my dil would call. She always made threats to take the kids back which I now know was just empty. I never wanted to make her too mad so just kept my true feelings hidden. When I stopped giving her that control, she stopped with the threats. Just wanted you to know that I understand your fears and just keep sticking to your guns. I am so tired of documenting but I still do. God bless

dianaconroy 12/14/2011

Hi Sara. I'm sure you're right. Thier grandmother lives in another state and has seen the kids only a couple of times. But she's constantly telling me that the baby daddy's family is more then willing to help and she doesn't need us. I know that the court wouldn't uproot the kids just because someone else has decided to step in. But I'm always thinking of the what ifs. Thanks for you're response.

dianaconroy 12/14/2011

Bonkers thanks for your reply, it really helps to know that you took control and it worked out. I have to keep telling myself that taking control might do more good then harm.

deleted_user 12/15/2011

I was exactly in your position before i got custody of my grandson. I let my daughter control me and i was co-dependent aswell. The co-dependency just stopped in July and i don't even speak to my daughter, she was seeing gs through an agency for a while which was wonderful because i didn't even have to see her. This might be something you could look into aswell. I was also worried about the other grandparents to but i've never heard from them and i've had gs for over 2 years now. I don't think you would have any problems there they don't like to move children when they're content, young and have been with you a long time. I would suggest strongly that you go to Alanon they will teach you how to detach with love from the addict. God Bless you, we truly are doing gods work saving these children, and if you can give your worries up to him, it will bring you more peace in your life.

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