Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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nutsandbolts 04/10/2012

Since my GS came back to us from the Foster home, he has had behavior problems. biting, hitting, spitting, kicking, pulling hair and pinching. I was told by my GD the Foster mom did nothing when GS acted this way except tell him to stop which he didn't. I have the biting almost to a halt. Friday the hair pulling was unreal and it was only to his sister!

I have tried time out in a chair, crib and corner...Big joke! I have tried to tell him he needs to be a nice boy and not hurt. I always remove him when he acts out, this of course makes him angry so he kicks, slaps or pinches me!
When I give him his breathing treatment it's in his high chair and I give a toy and treat to help occupy his time, but he just starts pinching me...My arms feel like a battle zone!

This weekend his allergies were so bad we had to keep him inside with the A/C on. He wanted out and I got down to his level to try and console him and see if we could play with his blocks. He slapped me across the face! So I took his body and sat him down with me on the floor and passively held him whispering that I love him and he has to be nice and not hit. I wasn't going to let him up until he calmed down. When he calm down, he turned to me told me he was sorry and said come, we walked into the living room and he wanted to play....Tell me this child at 2 doesn't know what he is doing?!?!?!?

A light bulb light in me with GS from Sunday with the floor thing I did, so yesterday when he went up to his sister and just pulled her hair for no reason. I sat on the floor and placed him with me and held him. whispering again that he needs to be a nice boy and that I love him. I didn't get kicked or slapped and pinched.

I had to take the kids to the Dr. all three have ear infections. I was speaking to the nurse when GS started to hit me because he wanted a lolly pop and I said no and when I turned to tell him to stop hitting me, he spitted. I picked him up and told him this wasn't nice and headed out the door. I have spoken to the Dr. about his actions and she tells me he is in the terrible two's.

I feel even though I might have found a passive way to correct a negative behavior I can't sit with him on the floor holding him like at a Doctors office or store. Does he have these issues at daycare.... Yes, they are assisting me with the biting and pinching. However, they do the corner thing and he goes, with me I have to shadow him and then he will turn and slap me and tell me NO! GS will also do the corner or chair time out with my husband. Sometimes I feel like its a battle between him and I, like he's pissed off at me!

I call this his alter ego Chucky. I don't think he needs theapy but I might be wrong. I really don't remember the terrible two's being this hard!

deleted_user 04/10/2012

How well does gs talk? I've noticed a

GMaWilli 04/10/2012

Does he have much sugar in his diet, or alot of carbs, which turn into sugar (even juice is loaded with sugar)? My GS is close to 5. He can't handle much sugar. He gets VERY hyper and doesn't listen. In a 2 yo, that could manifest in aggressive behavior. Just a thought; and if not, you can check it off the list of possibilities!!

pamellalcpc 04/10/2012

I recommend a play therapist.....I dont know where you live but this kid sounds like he is reacting and expressing behaviors through his anger.......

SaraBT 04/10/2012

I don't have enough experience with two-year-olds, since Pinky had the two eldest until they were five and three. I know they can be extremely obnoxious, but the biting, slapping and spitting don't seem typical. It sounds to me as if he has some anger issues. I agree with Pamela that maybe some play therapy (or even a play diagnostic session) could help give you more insight.

deleted_user 04/10/2012

Sorry, we were having a major meltdown here. I was going to say, I've noticed my gs being more aggressive, (i.e. throwing things, screaming and hitting (usually things)) when he can't find the words he needs. I took him to a speech specialist who told me that his actions are typical of a child who can't express themselves. I would echo the diagnostic session to see if that would help.

nutsandbolts 04/10/2012

My GS has a very good vocabulary for a 2 yo. He can tell me a story and pretty much whats happened if its something he saw or did. The issue looks to be towards me, since Daycare and Grampa can put him in time out, but I can't. He only drinks water at daycare and gets milk after dinner. If he eats all his dinner, he gets a very small amount of strawberry flavor in his milk. Which he loves! This has not affected his behavior. You are right about sugar, he came home on Friday with jellybeans. I gave him three and he was off the wall! Yesterday he had no candy and Sunday he had just a few Jellybeans. ( I'm not a sugar person) We gave the kids a big huge playset with a fort for out back...That was our Easter present to the little kids and our oldest wanted a few books which we gave to her. On weekends the older girls and I bake our weekly treats, so I know what goes into them. I use to do this with our kids, it saves money and our baking time is special. GS is in napping and if he wakes before we finish, he loves to help us out. This is why I'm questioning, MG when Chucky comes to visit, it's like a different kid and it towards me and the girls! I can kind of understand the breathing treatments, he sees the meds come down and he says no medication, no medication gramma. He hates them! I'm not sure how much my arms are going to be able to take it's been almost six months of pinching. He needs his breathing meds for now and like I said, I give him treats and toys to help keep his mind off of the treatment.

deleted_user 04/10/2012

I had a lot of physical agression problems with my 5 YO GD for quite some time. It was directed at me and no one else for the most part. Sometimes it comes down to an attatchment issue. The quiet holding and love is the best thing you can do. It worked far better with my GD than anything else did. Her therapist says that since she was abandoned by mom the "mother figure" is the one who gets the brunt of the anger issues directed at her.

Something else you may try is a reward chart. For a 2 year old I would keep it really simple and have a couple of goals that are easily attained as well as the more challenging like "no hitting/biting", "being good for breathing treatment". He could get stickers for not having the behavior and get "prizes" at the end of the day for getting his stickers. We use dollar store toys for prizes and it has made a huge difference with my GD. Positive reinforcement for good behavior was much more effective than time outs for bad behavior. Just an idea.

daisydduck 04/11/2012

He is probably frustrated because he cannot communicate his feelings. Many of our gc suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and/or Attachment Disorder because of abuse/neglect and adults they need to count on abandoning them. In many cases, we cannot discipline as we did with our bio family as the discipline can be just another message of disapproval to the child. When they are older, you can at least talk to them but when they are so little the messages have to be easy for them to understand. I think you handled the situation very well, assuring him you love him and he obviously reacted positively to your efforts. This is not terrible twos. This is the normal terrible twos complicated by the situation. Try and anticipate when he will pinch and pull back. Tell him you love him but you can't let him do hurtful things. He most likely is enacting behavior he has observed somewhere. Redirect him whenever possible. Help him be sensitive to hurting others. This will take time but the message of love and acceptance has to be continuous with an attitude of love while setting limits on behavior you will not accept. Allow him to be physically close to you so you can easily sooth him. From what you have said, I think you know all this. My gs was the sweetest, most loving little two year old and then his bio dad married the crazy lady and the abuse started. Now an adult, he is still very loving, but it was a long road to overcome the damage she caused. They so need us to give the message that we love them, unconditionally. When my gs was a teen, he pulled some stuff that I knew he knew better not to do. Arguments increased and communication was going down the drain until one day I told him he could do anything he wanted and I had a right to disapprove, but I assured him we would not stop loving him for he was now our son. Things started to improve after that.

nutsandbolts 04/11/2012

Thanks for the input folks. I'm going to stick with the passive approach for now and see if I get results on a long term. If not, I'll look into the play therapy. Last night it worked and this morning during his breathing treatment he started to pinch, but then stopped.

GMaWilli 04/11/2012

Makes me wonder if that other foster mother or someone in that foster home was pinching him.

NannaKMS 04/11/2012

Maybe he thinks your gonna abandon him like his mother did, that would account for his behaviour toward you. Post traumatic stress disorder could be it. How about getting a big stuffed animal that he can us to pinch and hit when hes mad, to get his frustration out. Explain to him that he can hit the stuffed animal if hes mad but never a person, because that would hurt and he wouldn't like it if someone hit and hurt him. Just a suggestion. I can't imagine being pinched all the time, so sorry your going through this, hope things get better.

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