We must be on the same wave length. I was in the hospital Sunday night while observed me for a possible heart attack or another blood clot. Stress is real and is does real things to yours body. I am not holding on so well from all the roles I play. Nothing wrong my A_ _ ! Blood clots are are serious and need to be found fast. I have had 2 strokes. I know how serious it is. Take care of yourself

I had major reconstructive surgery on ankle/foot 5 weeks ago. I asked daughter to keep her children for a day or two when I got out of hospital. . She replied no because I wouldn't let her keep them at boyfriend's house. It hurt me but not a surprise as she can only think of herself. I was bed ridden for 3 weeks. Not a call from her to see how I was doing. I hope everything works out well for you.

Hugs...It makes me sad that your daughter can be so uncaring...I feel that our world teaches them that. Of course drugs and alcohol makes it worse.

My husband isn't the paternal grandfather of my gs however; he loves him as if he was. You have a good man as do I.

You and your family will be in our prayers...

Judi

So sorry you are going through this. This is hard on all of you, including the kids who will have to move to another home. Will you get them back once the doctor gives you the all clear?

Just to give you an update. I spoke to the CW supervisor yesterday and told her what is happening with me and that I needed temp assistance with foster care until I know what is happening with my health. CW came out last night. She was going for permanent removal and said that because of this and my daughters Tarros attendance ( due to illnesses and son in hospital) that she is moving forward with permanent placement. OK, where did the conversation go from Temp to permanent?
I told the CW that was not the issue. I need TEMP care for the kids and I have every intension of taking these children if she moves forward with the severance between Mom and kids. I will work on my health and when the Doctor clears me. If the CPS or Judge doesnt give me the first rights to these children I will challenge the federal law and this state will lose its grant! She said that's legislator and she's not up on that....So I pointed out the e-mail one of you fine ladies gave me that I printed, and told her if she needs to she can read it. Of course she didn't!!!! Then, I asked her that I would like to have the children placed in the same home with visits and phone calls. She told me they will work on the same home, but can't promise the phone contact because the foster parents may not want me to have their phone. I said, I respected that, but I would like for gd to be able to call me then. And visit since I have been their caretaker and I'm there GM shouldn't be a problem. CW told me shes been in this business for 17 years and this is a "special case." She will do what she can but no promises as it's up to the foster home. That's funny her supervisor told me this is not a special request, that some kin families get health issues and or deaths where they have to go to the funeral.... I told the CW what her supervisor said, and didn't get a reply. I also told the CW that I know foster parents have to go by CPS rules for visits and phone and if I have to I will petition the court, but then again you will be putting more stress on me and that is the whole reason behind my health issue.

Today I called a foster home agency here in the area. What I said to the CW was correct, what the CW said to me was incorrect, To all of you out there, I don't think this is state by state . Did you know we as the CARE GIVING GP do have the right for visits and phone calls, unless the children are adopted and at that time it's up to the adopted family. Did you know we are entitled to have a person from the CPS agency to take our children once or twice a month so we can relax. Did you know that you as the caregiver, who has custody of the children, DO NOT have to give friends and family names to the CW for a background check unless the children will be with them more than 24 hours.

Let's talk about this. I have had the kids 24/7 for over a year! More than what I had with my children. When I first got custody of the kids and had to go into the office for 4 hours three times a week, I had to have two of my good friends go through a background check with CPS before they could watch the kids for 4 hours. We have friends who have offered to take the kids for a few hours on a weekend, but we didn't want to have them go through a background check with CPS nor did we want to ask them for their SS#. so we declined any assistance from them this past year! STRESS
CW asked about stress in the home, work, kids and marriage. I looked at her and said, do you really want to go there with the monthly visits? See she has to come here every month. I have asked her to come on the 1 or 2nd week of the month because I'm in sales and the 3-4th week I'm pushing my orders out so I can get paid. SHE HAS ALWAYS MADE THE TIME FOR 28 of the month, and this month she made it on the 31st! I told her before my heart thing this was going to stop. She said her case load is heavy with 63 or 64 children. I told her quick math tells me that's 3 visits per work day she has 10 days out of that month she can come and see my children without interrupting my livelihood.
Back to the Foster Care agency. I was told to remove the CW and talk only to the supervisor, if the supervisor doesn't call me or give me the truth, then go to her supervisor. I was told to make noise and lots of it!
STRESS, STRESS and more STRESS!!!!!

Now I'm hurt by what my daughter texted to my husband. But the attendance things with Tarros is BS. Dec 28 through Jan 5 GS was in hospital. I took day shift she took night shift...She was at her Childs side when her child needed her! Jan 3rd mom came down with pneumonia and flu was excused from Tarros till Jan11th. Jan 13th Mom was diagnosed with Strep throat (two GC with Strep Throat and all three with double ear infections) Jan 17th daughter was in car accident with MY CAR. Jan 27th thru 28th I was in hospital with Chest pain. Tarros is twice a week Tuesday and Thursday. If she was excused till the 11th. She only missed unexcused 4 which looking at the illnesses we have succumbed...I'm in her favor that life happens and black and white doesn't work in real life. Oh, and she is clean on all drug test! So why would the CW not see the "special case" and help her get back into Tarros and continue on with the reunification? CW told me, the rules are made for everyone!

I know this is long, but I have to get this out! BTW, my husband couldn't be here for this meeting last night because of his work. My husband sent over one of his friends to sit and listen. The friend came over as if he was waiting for my husband.

Yikes! This is what I was afraid of in your case. If the children leave your home, CPS will go for permancy and you won't get them back. Are you sure that is what you want to do? Once they are not only under the state's care but IN the state's care I think it's really difficult to get them back. It will be a very long road full of red tape, hearings, etc., and in the end CPS could simply tell the judge that due to your circumstances (health, etc.,) that their recommendation is for the children to be in foster care or adopted. Once that happens your rights will go away. I would think long and hard on this if it were me. Of course your health comes first though and if you can't physically care for them then maybe it's best that they are placed.

I am so sorry you are going through all this and I can certainly sympathize with you. I had much the same problem a couple of years ago. I was dealing with a lot of stress with my aged mother and her health and I thought I was having a heart attack. After all the various tests came back it was stress and the cardiologist told me I had to get my blood pressure and stress under control or I was headed for a real heart attack. I worked on this and was doing pretty good until we got the kids about 6 months ago. Now I am having the same problems and am on 2 medications to try to control the heart palpitations and chest pains. Your upadate was very scary for me because I fear the same thing happening. My husband does not really want to keep our 4 gc so he uses my health as an excuse why we should let CPS take the children. I am nowhere near the point of letting that happen but it does scare me to think I may be in your situation someday. Sending prayers your way.

I think we are identifying a major problem with us, as grandparents, raising a second family.

Not only do we have the added stresses of a normal family - income, housing, etc, but there is a recession, we are looking at raising these kids after retirement, we are dealing with courts, social workers, special needs children, and other special cases, we are dealing with our own children who have issues that brought this all on.

It is no wonder than most of us, if not all of us, have issues with stress! Again, the only answer I can think of is that the legislature needs to work in order to make our jobs easier from the legal standpoint so that at least THAT stress is removed! We need to be secure, protected and provided for. We as caregivers and the children as children. Social services only see us as a burden. They want us to disappear once we've taken on the children. That is just plain wrong. They should have a completely opposite attitude toward us as caregivers - at least the same attitude they give their foster parents!

nutsandbolts, know that you are not alone in this. Do what you have to do. You can't help others if you aren't well yourself. I don't have an answer for you. I don't know what I'd do if I had a husband who didn't support what I was doing. Honestly, I might not do it. For lots of reasons, not the least of which being that the child would someday come to a realization that he didn't want to raise him and what that might do to the child.

I feel so badly for you, but I don't have any answers. Just sending lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Thank you all for your support... I know none of us have the answers. I wanted (needed) to vent. I also wanted you all to know CPS is suppose to give us some support. I wish I could have gone with the gaurdianship, but they refused due to CPS involvement.I told told the court had to play out before I could. CPS is suppose to help children/families in need, not distroy them. I have not heard from the CPS CW supervisor nor have I heard from the supervisors, supervisor after my calls left yesterday morning. I was told by my daughters court appointed lawyer to get a lawyer. I called her because I wanted it noted that I'm wanting this as temperary, and I didn't know the childrens lawyers names. This doesn't look good without winning the lottery!
I sent an e-mail a few weeks ago to my Governor, I still have not heard anything back. I want to just rip into everyone who I feel has assisted in my health issues !

I heard from a SW who dropped off my gs in the beginning that if we were to let him go into foster care then we would have to fight and hire a lawyer to be heard or if lucky get visitation. Then another SW who came to check our house in the beginning before they brought my gs told me if we can't care for my gs that he would go to foster care and we would have rights of visitation. So it seems it could go any way. So, I was very glad that I took my gs even thou in the beginning my husband didn't want us to care for him because I had just hurt my neck and was in pain and having physical therapy plus we both work full time. Now my husband is grateful that I took him in. We cant see life without himhe is a sure adoption this year per our SW so we are praying that time goes fast so we can get him out of this system.
I was also told by a grandparents group that the SW needs to work around our schedule for a visit meaning that he should come when we arent working because of having to take off of work. I asked my SW if he could do that and he said no because we are 3 n 1/2 hrs away from his office and he wouldnt get home until late. I didnt push it because I am so fearful that I will make waves and they change my SW. We have built up a good relationship with this guy and I dont want to get a new SW when you dont know what you will get and if it will be better. I agree that we jump through loops for DCFS I am sure more than Foster care does however; I just feel I have more to lose.

Judi

I would be very leary of any promises made to you regarding you getting visitation if they go to foster care. I believe it would be up to the state (CW) to determine that. I'm glad that you heard from someone else regarding that you would have to get a lawyer and fight to get them back because I believe whole-heartedly that, that would indeed be the case.

I could tell from your post which route you are planning on taking (ie; let them go to foster care or keep them), or if you are still on the fence about it. Whatever you decide I wish you and the children all the best. I know you are in a tough position at the moment. But I believe things will get better.

First of all, I'm going to share something that has happened to me because I have had similar symptoms in the past. I have been on blood pressure meds and have done well with them. However, what most people do not realize is that you cannot take additional potassium when you are taking these meds. I like to drink flavored club soda which seems innocent enough but when I did I started to get "blips". What I found out is that certain brands of this soda have additional potassium in them and were the cause of the blips. I changed brands and they went away. I too was told it was the stress but check your diet and see if you are taking in any additional potassium as this could be a problem whether you are on meds or not. I understand your anxiety. The doctor found I was holding my breath in fear of what else could go wrong. Subconsciouly I w/hold it so long, I w/start to pass out. I had to remind myself to breath. I'm sorry for the stress with your daughter but I understand. btw, sounds like you've got a keeper with your hubby. You are lucky he is such a good guy.

Secondly: the case worker should be getting help to come into your home, not take the children away. They may feel you are throwing in the towel because you said they needed to take the kids on temp basis. I have known people who got helpers paid for by state to come into their homes and help with the children. If they are taken out of your home, you may very well not be able to get them back. If they do not listen, check out the Fostering Success and Increasing Adoption Act which was signed by George Bush in 2008. The state receives Federal money for complying with this law and monies already given can be taken back for non-compliance. . The law mandates that the state must do everything they can to keep children taken from bio home with grandparents or other kin and keep siblings together. They s/be supplying you with a homemaker to help while you get well.

This sort of incident has been on my mind as I embark on seeking adoption of my grandson. It was brought up by one of the SW evaluating our case yesterday. My GS is almost 2 and I am almost 63, a young and healthy 63 and also single. I have to name a younger person(s) who is acceptable to CPS to take over during those 16 or so years in the event that I encounter health issues or worse. I think that this is wise thing to do .
These decisions seem to come with a such a sense of urgency and little details like this get left aside in the rush and emotions. This forum is a help to many of us. All these example of what happens in real life situations is valuable.

I wish you the best.

Speaking of diet..... don't forget sugar and caffeine. Caffeine is a big problem area for me. I am in the process of cutting down, but my heart misses beats when I am on caffeine. The more I drink, the more I miss. :P Also I noticed that the older I get the more sugar and alcohol affect me. I've had to cut out alcohol almost completely.

I also have to remember that while regular coffee is bad for blood pressure, decaf coffee is bad for cholesterol. These are proven. I am presently working toward eliminating coffee entirely and switching to decaf tea which does not seem to have the negative properties. It is something in the way they process the decaf coffee.

I am also doing a mild workout program on my WII fit. It may not be the best solution, but I am feeling better and more flexible. It is something I can easily do w/ 4yo gs beside me or separately. I can tell when my schedule doesn't allow me to do it for a few days!

Just some ideas. Exercise, even in small amounts, has been proven to help stress tremendously. And I've found the WII fit to be a lot of FUN!! :) The 300 it cost is the price of one doctor visit, at least up here.....

this is the link to the law I referred to: http://www.kidlaw.org/admin.asp?uri=2081&action=15&di=1352&ext=pdf&view=yes