Oh, I forgot to mention that the reason Pinky gave her father for rushing home was that she was worried that "Sam" might have gotten sick or dropped dead. She was SO worried about him. She never, ever, even once, told me that his health was a concern to her. It was all about her being worried that he might be cheating on her.

My husband let me listen to her message, so that's how I know everything she said. Just to hear such blatant lies -- she's pitting her father against me!!!!

And when I confronted her she talked over me and started crying about how I don't care about her. I said "WHAT???!?!?!" and then I said "what's this poor-little-me thing you're doing?" And she hung up on me.

I'm still seething and I guess I'll have to go for a walk or something to calm down.

Take a deep breath and think about who are dealing with. This type of behavior is not new per your previous posts. She sounds extremely immature. Let your husband handle her. Everything may be okay, but you have noted that you are suspicious of situation w/boyfriend. It w/be nice to have things go smoothly, but you know the routine. Don't let her get to you....that's what she wants, and most of all, don't let her get between you and your hubby. I'm sure she w/be very happy to succeed with that. My guess is that she hates you because you are handling everything, including her kids, and realizes that makes her look worse. You are a strong woman. Don't let get to you.

Daisy, I think you hit it. She must resent me because I'm raising her kids. If I were in her position I'm sure I would hate me, too.

Maybe she really is bipolar. She and I have always gotten along, even though I don't really like her. In fact, I'm probably the only one who has been her "friend" -- she has told me that. But I also don't let her get away with anything. And what really frosts me is that I've always been the only one who has been patient with her. We've sat and talked for hours, and I've mostly asked questions, like "what is keeping you and 'Sam" from getting married?" and I listen to her answers.

I virtually never speak to her harshly, unlike her brothers and, occasionally, her father. Yet I'm the one who "talks mean to her all the time."

It's the lies that bother me more than the attitude, but then again, Pinky has, like Lucifer, been a liar from the beginning. LOL!

Geez, if you didn't care about her you would not have her kids. Sounds like something else is going on but you are the easiest target to take things out on. We had an almost identical fight once and it turned out that daughter was having an issue with the creep. When my husband was totally rational with her it got around to her real problem. She did/does the same stuff, dogging everyone out for her "man".

I seriously cannot even begin to see things from her point of view but I wish I could. I feel like if I could understand her the situation may be easier for me to handle.

My ex dil hates me too and still blames us because we are guardians of her children. I always think that one way to tell she is getting well is if she stops hating us - she's not there yet LOL.
I think something is up with Pinky and you'll find out real soon. I admire the way you do treat her - sometimes I am TOO sarcastic with my dil - just can't help it. I do hope it doesn't cause a rift between you and your husband.

I, too, think she's having issues with the "most perfect man in the world."

I mean right off the bat he lied to her about his age. He told her he was 49 and he's really 55. She found out when she called him to plan a Big 50 birthday party. And, as it turns out, not one of his kids called him for this birthday -- neither did his supposed best friends. RED FLAG!!!!

There are so many red flags with both of them that I can't imagine this relationship will last. But I think she has to make it work because she has nowhere else to go. No job, no car, no education, nothing.

Sara, I also have a bipolar step-daughter that resents me because I am raising her child. Her antics also cause tension between me and my hubby. I'm still working on complaining about her too much to my hubby but one thing I do that prevents situations like you are in with Pinky is that I almost totally disengage from her. I don't call her, I barely speak to her if she comes over. I used to get upset when I would allow myself to depend on her to do something for her child like hair or bath or just give a me a break and then have her not follow through.

Things were all lovey dovey between her and hubby a few months ago when he was letting her use his truck. She bragged about how her dad is always there for her and he said that someone should be even if no else is on her side. All the while I'm thinking why can't she love her own children the way her dad loves her? I managed to keep most of my thoughts to myself because it would have caused me and my hubby to argue more. He even wanted her to move in during this love fest and I had to tell him No. That would have been a train wreck waiting to happen. My bottom line is that if she makes no effort to be a mother to her children, then I make no effort to communicate with her.

It might be time to take a time-out from Pinky, especially if there is some drama brewing between her and her man.

Good points, GiGi, because I think trouble is brewing.

When she first started dating him we had long talks about all of the many, many red flags that were popping up. His lack of family contact. His age (I knew he was older than Pinky even before we found out how old). The fact that it has been soooo long since he was around little kids. The fact that he got her an engagement ring two weeks after they met. The fact that they haven't progressed one inch toward marriage, buying a house in our town, etc. etc. And, yes, even the fact that he's African American (which in reality will place additional complications in a lot of areas, mostly with the fact that the kids should, ideally, have more "same" in their lives.)

Now that they've been together for a year, I can see fault lines, but I suspect that she's too embarrassed to admit to them. Publicly he's still the most wonderful man that ever walked the earth. He is VERY nice; however, we don't know him any better now than we did when we first met him. Yet another red flag, IMHO.

I think I will back off for a while and see what develops.

Hi Sara; Everything you're going through with your stepdaughter, I've been through and continue going through with my biological son. When my son gets emotional and starts behaving this way, he's back on drugs. We had a court date not long ago and my son started behaving like a fool at the courthouse and accusing me of all sorts of things; mostly not supporting him, thinking of him as a no-good filthy drug addict (I've NEVER even thought of my son that way; much less used those words), saying I don't want him to get his son back and never have planned on giving him back because I don't trust him (true, I don't trust him, but there was never a plan to kidnap his son and raise him through adulthood!!). It was so bad, I'm really surprised we didn't get escorted out of the courthouse, and it all stemmed from me pointing out the fact that "the system" isn't the whole problem and that HE has some responsibility for things being the way they are and going as far as they have. Then he was asked to produce a urine sample for a drug test and him-hawed around and started making excuses as to why he couldn't do it; so that was my answer right there; although I already knew he was back to shooting dope. His personality is completely irrational when he starts using again and his pity parties just abound. I don't know if Pinky might be back on drugs or not, but it's definitely a sign that she is. Or, as you've mentioned, it might just be she's anxious and cranky and pouty because things aren't so great in "paradise" with the father-figure fiance'. YOU are sacrificing a LOT to raise your husband's daughter's children and you should be commended and thanked and appreciated for it. Just because you voiced your disdain about her deciding to change plans on you at the last minute doesn't give her any room to call and cry to daddy that you talk down to her, etc. Your husband needs to remind her how much you DO and needs to let her know that those kids would have been in a foster home and probably would've been adopted by now, her rights would have been terminated years ago, and she wouldn't even be seeing them at all. I don't think you should have to play hostess to her for a week so she can play "mommy" for the "children's first week of school", either. Wow, Sara, you deserve to VENT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI Sara. I've mentioned before that our situations are sooo similar. my SD is datiing a much older african american man, they've been together for a year. Like you I suspect that things might not be as great as she would like us to believe they are. All I can say is that we have to let go and let god. I suspect that something is going on with pinky, and the boyfriend. You're lucky the kids don't have to go to her house for overnights, therefore protecting them from whatever is going on. All I can say is that when things are going bad or good with a boyfriend the kids pay for it someway or another. I don't think that her behavior is about you at all. I've learned to take myself out of the equation and when my SD starts in on me, I always respond with love and kindness and remind her that I'm not taking it personally and that I know that whatever she's going through is not about me. That seems to help. It's not easy, but I'm trying really hard to take control and power away from her.

Yes when my daughter starts the poor me crap and blameing everyone else, wanting to pick a fight with me then shes also back on drugs. My daughter is also bipolar, and what a handful she is. We don't even speak now she visits he son, my GS, at Merrymount childrens center here in London Ont. It is supervised and i don't have to see her of put up with any of her crap. Yes i yearn for the little girl i raised but its been so long since i've seen any sign of her. :(

That thought has occurred to me, too, Miss Kathy. Pinky and I NEVER fought, even years ago, when she was using. In fact I could always tell when she was high because she would be argumentative, defensive, etc.

Since last June she has been open to even the more challenging things I've tossed around with her. Then, suddenly, this. I think she's either using now and then (thinking she can get away with it) or having some serious issues with Lover Boy (who has become a whole other addiction.)

I think the next few weeks/months will reveal whatever it is...