Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Sunday was my birthday. I got a wish at 8:30 pm from my DD via text. Then we were suppose to have her over for dinner on Monday at 6pm. I texted her at 5 asking if she was still going to make it. Her reply was no, but I'll be there 7. Needless to say she was a no show. I don't tell the kids anything and haven't for sometime.
The birthday isn't why I'm bummed. DD has been living with this guy for about two years. I recently found out he has been hitting her since last Aug. I told her I couldn't stop her from living with him, she would have to make that choice, but I am not going to allow him near the kids, so don't bring him over to our house or to any school events, and he isn't allowed at her place if she wants me to bring the kids visits over there.
DD kicked the guy out, but has been going over to where he's staying. We have had some talks and I told her she is only showing both kids that it's ok for a guy to beat a women and I warned her, that things aren't going to get better, they are going to get worse, if he beats you, he may kill you next time you go near him.
Well, last night around 9:30 I get a text that something happened and I need to make interferance with GD and DD and to not bring the kids over for a visit. I texted back and asked if she got beat up. Her reply was that she got the F$#k beat out of her and that she learned her lesson.
I don't believe she learned her lession, she always kicks the ones who truely love her to the corner and runs after the jerks in her life. If this statement isn't true than she would have been at my house for my birthday and at my house for dinner the followig day as planed!
My common sense is with me, but don't think I haven't shed a few tears over knowing my DD is hurting and it was a person she loves that did it to her. I feel as if I'm not able to help her as a mother would because she put me in the posission of being the mother for her children. I replied back to her saying the children do not need to see her as she is, it will only break their hearts and worry about her when they don't see her. So visit's are off. I couldn't bring myself to tell her I'm sorry for what she went through. The only thing that came into my mind sounded like a "I told you so" What I'm really feeling is I don't want to live with this drama.
This isn't the first time she has been beat up. She has been beat up 3 times in the last eight years. The time before this it was an ex-boyfriend with a baseball bat and I was called by the EMT's to meet them at the hospital two years ago. The side of her head was caved in and her face looked like hell for a month afterwards. This is why I say, she didn't learn her lesson!
Reading back on this I think I've figured out that even though she is my DD and I love her, I have no respect for her anylonger. If that's the case why am I so bummed?
The birthday isn't why I'm bummed. DD has been living with this guy for about two years. I recently found out he has been hitting her since last Aug. I told her I couldn't stop her from living with him, she would have to make that choice, but I am not going to allow him near the kids, so don't bring him over to our house or to any school events, and he isn't allowed at her place if she wants me to bring the kids visits over there.
DD kicked the guy out, but has been going over to where he's staying. We have had some talks and I told her she is only showing both kids that it's ok for a guy to beat a women and I warned her, that things aren't going to get better, they are going to get worse, if he beats you, he may kill you next time you go near him.
Well, last night around 9:30 I get a text that something happened and I need to make interferance with GD and DD and to not bring the kids over for a visit. I texted back and asked if she got beat up. Her reply was that she got the F$#k beat out of her and that she learned her lesson.
I don't believe she learned her lession, she always kicks the ones who truely love her to the corner and runs after the jerks in her life. If this statement isn't true than she would have been at my house for my birthday and at my house for dinner the followig day as planed!
My common sense is with me, but don't think I haven't shed a few tears over knowing my DD is hurting and it was a person she loves that did it to her. I feel as if I'm not able to help her as a mother would because she put me in the posission of being the mother for her children. I replied back to her saying the children do not need to see her as she is, it will only break their hearts and worry about her when they don't see her. So visit's are off. I couldn't bring myself to tell her I'm sorry for what she went through. The only thing that came into my mind sounded like a "I told you so" What I'm really feeling is I don't want to live with this drama.
This isn't the first time she has been beat up. She has been beat up 3 times in the last eight years. The time before this it was an ex-boyfriend with a baseball bat and I was called by the EMT's to meet them at the hospital two years ago. The side of her head was caved in and her face looked like hell for a month afterwards. This is why I say, she didn't learn her lesson!
Reading back on this I think I've figured out that even though she is my DD and I love her, I have no respect for her anylonger. If that's the case why am I so bummed?
DD told me he never hit her before, it was always a shove or holding her down or a squeeze so tight she couldn't breathe. She told me he was going to anger management classes and she thought he was getting better. I'm sorry but when a guy hits a women there is a screw loose and things will only get worse NEVER better! I reminder her the warning in Jan I gave her that once it starts it never stops and it always gets worse. I told her the next time he might just kill her. She promised there will not be a next time.
DD told me one of her clients/friend works at the courthouse as a victims admin? for abused women. So I'm sure DD is well aware of the risk she put herself in and the help that is offered. Needless to say this client/friend came over the day this happened and took pictures and told my DD it wasn't up to her to press charges or not anymore, the pictures were going to be handed over to someone in her office and the state will decide to press charges or not and since he was already charged once and going to the classes, he can kiss those classes goodbye. I didn't know DD pressed charges on him before nor did I know he was going to classes to stay out of jail/probation.
There was a mutual friend over at the time I was visiting. He confirmed everything my DD said as he was called by my DD from the beginning and has stayed with her this whole time. I'm thankful for this friend, I'm friends with his mother and we have known each other for years.
I have kept my distance from DD from the time we got the kids back. I have mourned the DD I use to know. Now I wonder if I kept too much of a distance. Looking at what I learned just yesterday I see she took the correct steps but then went backwards, which has always been the case with her. If I was there would I have been able to help her stay strong? Ive thought about this and I don't think so, since I wasn't able to help her stay strong to get the job done CPS put into play for her to get her kids back. I also think about the amount of drama that must have been going on leading up to this event. I'm not wanting to live that way especially since I'm raising three kids, the energy I need for them and me puts everything else on hold.
I was told to Love unconditionally yet I have a lot of questions and no answers as to what I should continue to do. I'm happy to say the children have no idea and are living life as a child which is what they should be doing at their age.