Wow; I feel for you. You are in a tough position. Nice how the "courts" tell the people dealing with these bios that we have to give them LIMITLESS visits??? Are they crazy? Wow; it's like the courts are punishing YOU for something. I dont' get it at all.

It doesn't sound like she will do what she's supposed to do in order to get her kids back. Do I understand correctly that if she doesn't get her act together then the kids will be put into foster homes and you don't have a chance of keeping them anyway??? What is the reason they are giving for you not being able to get guardianship? If you are fine to take care of them for the next 4 months, why aren't you fine to grant guardianship of them? I"m a little confused.

I hope if she loses them and they go into foster care that you will be allowed to have regular visits with them. None of it makes sense to me.

Bless you...

By the way, do you suspect something is going on between your daughter and your husband? That's kind of how it sounds in your post when you say they were both gone at the same time and your husband is her stepfather.

I was told at the first hearing when I asked if I could go for guardianship on the two kids, that it was not in option due to this case needs to be completed (whatever that meant) Also in the same breath the judge stated the new law in AZ which is any child under the age of three will be placed in permanent home for adoption after the 3rd hearing if parents do not comply with case plan. I know my 10mth old grandson fits into that new law, but no one from CPS or bio's lawyer wants to tell me what will happen to 5year GD. All I get is "Let's hope mom comes around and does what she is suppose to".

I don't suspect anything between my husband and daughter... Sorry for the confussion. She went MIA while my husband was away, because she would never had pulled that when he is home. It's a piss on Mom thing. That's why I'm pulling and thinking what might be best for the kids at this time and me. She has always pissed on me and I know I'm the easy mark because she know's how much I love those kids!

I'm coming to the realization, daughter isn't going to get her kids back. If she doesn't get her kids back, then I do know GS will go up for adoption, which means the time I have spent with him bonding, loving and nuturing will be ripped from me. This I have no choice in based on the new law in AZ. GD who is five years old, I have bonded with her for those five years, but since I can't get future information on placement for her, I'm in limbo.

I feel like I'm being used by my daughter, CPS and the State. Daughter can go do what she wants, and see her kids whenever she wants. CPS and state are saving thousand of dollars having the kids in my care, I feel like I'm going to get PISSED on by all three by the time this is all said and done. Who is going to get hurt out of this, GS, GD and GrandMOM!

so, do I call CPS now and let them put GD & GS in fostercare, so GD can get use to it? (GS is to young for the trama) knowing I might have a good chance of staying in contact with them both during their fostercare,( to help GD adjust) but knowing no contact if and when adoption is made?

Can't you apply to adopt?

I would love to adopt, but my husband has made it clear, the kids are not ours to raise. He and I agreed to assist daughter with taking her kids for what was suppose to be 3 months. Because she keeps coming up dirty ua's, we are going on 11months, and if we keep them till court it will be 15 months. I love my grandchildren and I also love my husband. I have to take his feelings into consideration as well or I can raise the kids on my own ,and I know I physical ,mental and financial I can not do it on my own. We have raised our oldest gd for almost 7 years. We have asked the court to remove gaurdenship from us and restore custody to her mother. This is a good thing as her mom and our gd are ready to be reunited.

I hope you won't feel guilty if you choose your husband over your grandchildren, or vice-versa. There is a part of me that will always wonder if Pinky would have cleaned up her act sooner if her children were in the care of strangers. Knowing that we had them made her life that much easier. She could continue to party, knowing her kids were still in the family.

Of course the choice is ultimately yours; but whatever you do choose, know that you have done what's best for everyone.

I am in a similar situation. I am raising 2 GD's and my husband (stepfather) said he will not raise another of my daughter's children. She had another baby after she gas us custody of her two girls. Custody was supposed to be temporary until she got her act together. Three years later we still have them. I worry about the time when CPS pulls the baby from her. I will have to choose husband or granddaughter. I am hoping husband will change his mind.

Horsepad, the issue to think about is if she doesn't get her tubes tied after this baby -- she could continue to have more (and probably will). I think you and your husband should take this time to discuss the possibility that you will have a third. I've said before, that third is brutal!

Ultimately, remember that while these are your grandchildren, they are not your children. They are the children of our children. Can you raise three kids as well as you can raise one or two? Do you have the emotional, financial and physical resources if that third child is another gender and needs its own room?

I can tell you with full confidence that if Pinky had gone on to have a fourth child we would NOT have taken it in. It's a wonderful thing to sacrifice our lives for our grandchildren. But in my opinion that doesn't mean we have to cross our own boundaries and take on more than we're equipped to do.

If you turn down the third child, remember that there are other grandparents. They seem to have no problem saying "no" -- especially if they think someone else is waiting in the wings, ready to do all of the hard work instead of them.

Just discuss it, pray about it, think about it -- then don't feel guilty whatever you decide. You're already doing plenty that's above and beyond the call of a grandparent's duty!

Sara, I have my son's Daughter and my Daughters two kids, that is three and it is over the top for me a lot of the time. Son's daughter like I said, we are getting the guardianship removed and placing her back with her Mom as soon as the courts say ok. That was supposed to be temporary and we've had her for over 6 years almost 7! Putting my daughters two kids, one since birth, has been hard, but I have managed to keep chugging along, trying to find humor in the day to help me.

You are right on about a pregnancy, back in Oct she found out she was again, but the fetus died within weeks , but her body didn't exspell it, so she had to have a D&C. She still has not gone back to the Dr. to get any form of BC, and she has written on FB, that she likes being pregnant and wouldn't mind being so for other families to have kids.... My husband and I looked at that and said..NO WAY! I told her she better think twice about her life, cause she couldn't stay away from the drugs when pregnant with her own children.

Last night she was at taros, and was to come over and stay the night with the kids afterwards. I get a call from her saying she was pulled over for improper lane change, and her license was suspended so they wrote tickets for both and impounded my car! If I had known her licenses was suspended she would never have had the car. I told my daughter it sucks to be her! She needs to take time out of work, get her licnese cleared and get my car back. I'm not paying for towing or impound charges, and if she wants to keep the car there, I will go and get it out, but I will drive straight to the court house and place a small claims suite to garnish her wages for the expense.
This conversation also lead into her MIA last week. She acted receptive to what I had to say, I came out and reminder her the reason we took on her kids was to allow her access to them, and keep them in the family, not so she can go party or do her thing knowing her children are with us. I reminded her that I have a personal issue knowing I have two children I raised the best I knew how and both have dumped their children on me, yet I know I raised them with morals and ethics. She agreed that I did. I told her, then the only thing I can think of that I did wrong was to allow both of them to not face the full blunt of reproductions for their ill actions growing up. I reminded her that this is her problem not mine, She told me last night her friends have been telling her she should be using us more and doing more for herself. I came back and told her, if you think morally that is right, so be it. But the kids are not ours to raise, and again it's her problem and if she agrees with her friends, then foster care will allow her that freedom, and remove us from her problem. Then I reminded her that I had to get up with her son in a few hours and needed to get to bed. Needless to say I didn't know my GS was going to wake up at 11:30 thinking it was morning, and stay up all night. Girls...I'm at work right now with 1 hour of sleep! I'm exhausted, my mind and heart is heavy and I just have too much on my plate !

I don't know what state you are in, but in WI if you are named in the court order you have access to all of the resulting paperwork and decisions. For example, as gs's guardian, I was named in ds's divorce and was entitled to a copy of the divorce settlement, for a price, of course! :)

If it is the same in your state, you should be able to get a copy of the paperwork through the courts. Don't bother asking CPS - ask your circuit court office.

What state do you live in? Perhaps you said somewhere, but I missed it. I can't believe those laws!

I can understand why you would not adopt. I agree with Sara, don't ever feel guilty. DO, however, INSIST - even if you have to get a lawyer - on set visitation. In our state if you have provided the role of a parent, you will be awarded consistent and liberal visitation. I hope there is something in place like that in your state, but you would need to consult a lawyer to find out. CPS does not have enough knowledge about all of this. Find a good family law office. Many of them provide an hour of consultation for a fee - ours is 275 dollars. When you walk out you have a whole plan of action! If it gets to that point, I'd have a lawyer looked up and ready to call. You need someone to stick up for YOUR rights.

This is all IMO, as one who has been and is embroiled in visitation issues. :P

I live in az. Thanks for the info

Hope it helps a little.....