Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I know for some of you what I'm saying will make no sense.Please don't tell me how stupid I am for feeling this way.
DSS got the psych eval for ddmom. They have decided to step in, and give me custody of gd. I already have gs custody. Currently, I am already caring for gd, and have her in daycare.
Hooray we all yell. Here's the problem. My ddmom was supposed to be getting her low income apartment this week, her only income is the welfare check. It took her 6 months to get up the waiting list, I dont want her to lose the housing.
My DH is furious with me because I started this by calling dss last month,( because she kept threatening to take baby with her to live with people with drug convictions, and I did see neglect) and HE doesnt want her to lose the aprtment either. I think she is BPD, and I cant stand to live with her because of her temper fits, I want her to have someplace to live.Not with a drug dealer. Not with her other crazy friends. I want her to be safe in her own housing where she can see what it's like to live on your own.
She will be 20 this month. Never lived on her own, hasnt worked in 2 years.
I am glad I will have kids and they will be safe. I will feel like #$%^ if she looses her housing. I don't know why she cant get a job, but what if she really cant because she is too mentally ill to get a job???
Why can't the kids be taken care of , and the mother be helped too?
She had already said last week I could keep gd until she gets her apt. She knows she can't handle the stress of a baby. And that's why the baby has been in daycare for 3 months, me paying. She most likely would have left the baby with me anyway.
DSs also doesn't want her to have unsupervised. I don't think that's right.The mother in me wants to tell her to fight it, go to court, get a lawyer. The grandmother in me wants to tell her to sign this treatment plan, get a job, and get your kids back. (Although she was told that 2 years ago, and I still have GS from that time)
I feel like a rotten person, although I just wanted to keep my grands safe, I threw my daughter to the wolves to do it.
DSS got the psych eval for ddmom. They have decided to step in, and give me custody of gd. I already have gs custody. Currently, I am already caring for gd, and have her in daycare.
Hooray we all yell. Here's the problem. My ddmom was supposed to be getting her low income apartment this week, her only income is the welfare check. It took her 6 months to get up the waiting list, I dont want her to lose the housing.
My DH is furious with me because I started this by calling dss last month,( because she kept threatening to take baby with her to live with people with drug convictions, and I did see neglect) and HE doesnt want her to lose the aprtment either. I think she is BPD, and I cant stand to live with her because of her temper fits, I want her to have someplace to live.Not with a drug dealer. Not with her other crazy friends. I want her to be safe in her own housing where she can see what it's like to live on your own.
She will be 20 this month. Never lived on her own, hasnt worked in 2 years.
I am glad I will have kids and they will be safe. I will feel like #$%^ if she looses her housing. I don't know why she cant get a job, but what if she really cant because she is too mentally ill to get a job???
Why can't the kids be taken care of , and the mother be helped too?
She had already said last week I could keep gd until she gets her apt. She knows she can't handle the stress of a baby. And that's why the baby has been in daycare for 3 months, me paying. She most likely would have left the baby with me anyway.
DSs also doesn't want her to have unsupervised. I don't think that's right.The mother in me wants to tell her to fight it, go to court, get a lawyer. The grandmother in me wants to tell her to sign this treatment plan, get a job, and get your kids back. (Although she was told that 2 years ago, and I still have GS from that time)
I feel like a rotten person, although I just wanted to keep my grands safe, I threw my daughter to the wolves to do it.
Same with my husband's daughter. As an addict, she is the only one who can determine to enter and stay in recovery. If she loses a housing opportunity because she cannot or will not take care of her own child, oh, well, then, that isn't my responsibility.
I once told her "You're a train wreck about to happen. Your father and I grabbed the kids off the track because we can do nothing to stop that train. So at least they're safe."
That sounds cold-hearted, but facing reality is the one thing that keeps us sane :-)
I dont think you are stupid at all for feeling the way you do I think it proves you love your daughter and that is what I think many of us here lose sight of we are so busy trying to protect our GC that we forget that we are protecting from OUR children. That means no matter what we do SOMEONE is going to get hurt either our GC, the BIOS (our children) or us the thing we have to keep reminding our self of is this while these are our children and we love them unconditionally they are adults and they have to learn to stand on their own, they not only get to wallow in pride of their accomplishments they also have to take responsibility for the actions. Now in my case my daughter is not on drugs she is BP and has BPD she self medicates with alcohol. I too feel more obligated to help her because I believe that a lot of her actions are not her fault while they may not be her fault they are still the choices she made and has to live with. I want tell you not to feel bad, its her choice, you made the right choice, bla-bla-bla all I will say is we do what we feel we have to do and pray for the strength to live with your decisions.
About the low income housing if the welfare check is all the income she had and the rent is based on her income that would mean to me a least that if she has not income she would have not rent. And they should help with her power, gas, and water and so on check into that Also, I know my daughter has a terrible time keeping a job due to her BP and BPD she filed for her disability turned down of course and would not pursue it any further but maybe your daughter can look in to that Good Luck
I understand how you feel about your dtr. it's ashamed you can't be every thing to everybody and you have to make choices. At least the kiddos are safe and they are the ones that can make it without YOU.
Hang in there
(((((HUGS)))))
But can I play the devil for a minute.
You daughter is getting a welfare check it must be because she had a child with her at that time. You now have the child so she doesn't get a welfare check any more. Did she have to have the child with her in order to get the houseing. Will she still get it now that you have the child?
She was found unfit if DSS gave you the child for some reason or another, She is not going to be able to just walk right in and take her child.
If she has a disablity maybe she could go though the mental health dept in your area and get some help. I know that here they help with houseing and getting disabllity for clients. I know one of the case workers here and yesterday she told me that she had a new client that had nothing and they got him a place to live and finished him with the basic needs dishes pot and pans bed sheets all that stuff, I think they have a moving in allowance of 700.00 I don't know how it works other places.
This is one way she can get help both shelter and mental.
Sorry if I sound rude don't mean too.
You are not a bad parents you care and it is hard to have to stop doing for our kids. I know that cutting apron strings is so very hard to do. But when I have my kids kids the youngest takes top choice. I have done all I can for the oldest ones.