Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
(Although it's my own big mouth that started it all.)
Pinky's brother owed her $50. Pinky was scheduled to come to our house this weekend (mostly so she can get credit for birthday presents and the party for our eldest.)
Her brother dropped the $50 off during the week. He said "watch, the first thing she'll do is ask if you have it."
Sure enough, within the first MINUTE after she came through our door she said "Hi. Did my brother leave money for me?" I admit I copped an attitude. I handed her the money and said something like "you couldn't wait five minutes to ask for it?"
She went off on me, saying that she "needed the money." I said she didn't need it that very second, and that I thought it was kind of rude to ask before she even got completely through the door. So then she said once again in front of the kids that she knows I hate her, I've always hated her, but that's OK because she loves me, yada-yada. She's Oh, So Very Perfect.
So I said, OK, then, ask someone who doesn't hate you to meet you at the bus and drive you back to the bus stop again.
I think I might actually hate her now.
Pinky's brother owed her $50. Pinky was scheduled to come to our house this weekend (mostly so she can get credit for birthday presents and the party for our eldest.)
Her brother dropped the $50 off during the week. He said "watch, the first thing she'll do is ask if you have it."
Sure enough, within the first MINUTE after she came through our door she said "Hi. Did my brother leave money for me?" I admit I copped an attitude. I handed her the money and said something like "you couldn't wait five minutes to ask for it?"
She went off on me, saying that she "needed the money." I said she didn't need it that very second, and that I thought it was kind of rude to ask before she even got completely through the door. So then she said once again in front of the kids that she knows I hate her, I've always hated her, but that's OK because she loves me, yada-yada. She's Oh, So Very Perfect.
So I said, OK, then, ask someone who doesn't hate you to meet you at the bus and drive you back to the bus stop again.
I think I might actually hate her now.
just remember who your dealing with and take a deep breath. ((((HUGS))))
Years ago (1992), a friend shared an inspirational speaker "Marianne Williamson" well, I enjoyed what this speaker had to say and bought her audio tapes (I like to listen to inspirational speakers while I'm driving) there is a part that spoke of difficult people in our lives. What was interesting was that if you look at it as thou God put that person in our lives for us to learn more about ourselves and for us to practice our spiritual challenges it becomes easier to deal with them.
I liked it because with my first marriage; my husband was a control freak and verbally abusive and to think of him in a positive Christ-like way was interesting and challenging. I now look at him; sad for him however; I was glad because I learned more about boundaries and how to combat folks like him. Now, I do choose who is around me that are toxic however; there are many situations "Like difficult people I have to work with: I will use those thoughts to help me practice my skills at dealing with them without being toxic myself which we all know is sooo hard when see their faults and they don't.
I think that she's the one who's changing, too. When she first went into real recovery, she was Miss Perfect, but she was very sweet, grateful and eager to be involved in life again. But over the past year she's become snarkier and more demanding.
At first I didn't even notice it. Other family members would ask how I could stand her digs. I hadn't seen them as digs before, but suddenly I realized that's exactly what they are. They're all couched in sweetness and light, but I think she's starting to resent US for raising her kids!!!! Her life is horrific and continues to get worse. She's living in a shelter now.
I guess that should make me feel sorry for her, and it does -- until I have to listen to her all weekend long. LOL
I think the best thing is for me to just ignore her as much as I can...but she gets on my nerves SO MUCH!!! (She also gets on my husband's nerves, but since he's her bio-dad he's allowed to complain about it. That's the other thing -- I'm not allowed to express my feelings toward her except to my stepsons and their wives. At least they understand, so that's a help :-)
You should have said, no dear I love you. If I hated you I would have kept the $50 for child care services!
Her answer? "My dad picked me up."
I pick her up EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. Her dad picked her up twice all summer (he works on the days she comes down). But he gets credit for all of it.
That's what I mean. It's SO HARD to maintain a Christian focus...
I'm just gonna vac the pool and pretend I don't hear anything. I guess that's either one of my strengths or weaknesses -- people insult me and I don't even realize it unless someone points it out. HAHAHA. I'm so naive sometimes. Maybe that's a good thing, because if they are insulting me I don't always realize it. Otherwise I'd go off on them. LOL.
She is just so self-righteous all of a sudden. In the last few months she has become Miss I Never Do Anything Wrong. Yet she hasn't contributed one dime to this party, hasn't done any of the housework, hasn't helped at all this evening with the cookout.
But tomorrow? Oh, she'll be there pretending to be The Hostess. The saddest thing of all is that our eldest granddaughter knows EXACTLY what's going on, and I think it's getting her down a bit. But on the other hand she just got back from Christian camp and she said "something changed at camp" and she can't wait to get baptized. I think she's learning to trust God and I love that -- but I know she's struggling because she can see what her mother is like and I'm sure it's hurting her something awful. She'll talk to me about it, but just a bit here and there. I guess she tells me whatever she's ready to admit...
The middle granddaughter is more up front. "You don't hate my mom, but she sure gets on your nerves." and I say "yes, she does" and we both have a laugh.
Aaaah, it's SO HARD!!!!!!