Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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dianaconroy 09/14/2012

Unfortunately I have to deal with both bio mom and dad every other weekend. Unlike most bios talked about on this site, our bios are consistant about calls and or visits. 80% of the time bio mom cancels but 90% of the time she calls me at least twice a week to pretend to want to make plans, and I can't stand it. When the phone rings I get a sick feeling in my stomach because I know I have to go along with planning a visit that won't happen. And, then there's bio dad, that is available 90% of the time and always wants to see his kids. Regardless they're both losers not capable of making the right decisions. Bio Dad now wants custody. The kids have never lived with him, he was in rehab for 8 months and then had a relapse, and now lives with a girl he met in rehab, which gets housing because she has a child and all of a sudden he's interested in getting his kids back? I think it has to do with the benefits he gets if he has them. Whatever! The kids have always lived with us and he's still a user....doesn't have his own place to live and the most he's ever bought his kids are a pair of shoes, oh and did I say he admitted to being diagnosed a schizophrenic. I know that there's always a chance a parent will get the kids back, but I also know there would be a lot of work expected from them. We got guardianship through probate court and went through an investigation and everything. So I know that even if he got the kids, it would be a while. Anyway, today he texted me and wanted the name of the school our oldest is attending, I ignored it but my husband responded. Now I'm afraid he might be up to something. Why would he all of a sudden want to know the name of the school? Do any of you know any reason why, besides wanting to kidnap the kids from school.

SaraBT 09/14/2012

Diana, I can't think of a reason other than he may try to take the kids. We signed papers authorizing certain people to pick them up in an emergency (my stepson and his wife). But you never know -- an inattentive staffer could just let them go with their "father."

I would make it very clear to the school that NOBODY is to see the children except you, and whoever else you've authorized. Taking them is a very real possibility, IMHO.

The only benign reason I can think of is that he needs to know the name of the school in order to pretend that he's involved in their lives. Perhaps it's on some paperwork he's filling out. But I would assume that there's a more nefarious reason...

That would scare me half to death.

mynanny4 09/14/2012

I know this is a big worry for a lot of us that parents may get the kids back. Fortunately when the court gave us Legal Custody our judge told the bios in his own words, "you will have to jump through a lot of hoops to get these kids back. Enough is enough!". I don't think either one of them will ever make the effort to even try. I do worry about bio mom, as she is very unstable and unpredictable. I went to all 4 of my kids schools and made it clear they are not to even let her see the children at school and certainly is never to take them from school. I think the only one she might try to do this with would be the 3 yr old. Talk to the school officials and make sure they know how important it is that they not release the children to anyone except those whom you authorize. Good luck and I will be praying for your peace of mind through all this.

mommagain 09/14/2012

I also made the school aware that NO ONE except who I have authorized is to see or pick up the kids... I even took a copy of my custody papers and had them put them in their file.

GMaWilli 09/14/2012

any court orders/custody documents should be kept on file @ their school. Your instructions alone are not enough. If a bio parent shows up at a school and can prove who they are with identification and the school has nothing in writing saying they can't take the children, I believe the school would have to let them take them. I had my caseworker write a letter to the school to keep in my GS's file, along with the court order paper work.

mynanny4 09/14/2012

Good points you added.....I also took my Custody papers to the school to be put in their records.

mayanana 09/14/2012

My GD's school made copies of my custody papers and DD is not on list of people who can pick GD up...and if someone other than me is picking her up they not only have to be on the list beforehand, I have to send a note any day someone on the list is picking her up. As for the phone calls, I don't answer DD's calls anymore...way too much drama. If she wants a visit or to talk to GD she can leave a message to that effect, then I may, or may not, call her back to discuss it.

daisydduck 09/14/2012

There is a reason schools are locked today because of crazy adults who want to victimize children. Do not take diagnosis of schizophrenia lightly. You cannot know what is going on in his head nor if he is compliant w medication. If he is not he may be hallucinating. Go to principal and warn him not to allow father in. That being said, the school may take the stance that father has rights and what you say may be considered hearsay. I know because we had custody when sil tried to take Gs from school. Schools do not like to get in the middle of these things. Meanwhile I w be there early to pick up kids, just in case.

nutsandbolts 09/15/2012

I've put copies of my guardianship papers on file with the school and also this year my adoption papers for the little one. Once I pulled the papers out, the school went into detail with me as who has rights to pick up the children. I made it real easy for the school. It's just my husband and I. I love the jr high oldest is in, I have the guardianship of her. Every time I go to get her, the school ask for ID then they go to the computer and look it up before they even call her out of class. I know I have to get to her school about ten minutes earlier to go through the process, but it is so worth it!

dianaconroy 09/16/2012

Thanks all for your replies. The very next day I did as many of you suggested. We spoke to the teachers and made sure out guardianship papers are filed with them. The cool thing is that the teachers admit to viewing us as the parents and would never let the kids go with anyone else. But we'll get there early just in case. Thanks for all the helpful advise!

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