Just remember -- she SAYS she's getting a free lawyer to sue for custody :-)

That may nor may not even happen. If it does, and if your laws are anything like NJ's, she'll have to pay ALL back child support -- either to you or welfare -- before she can even THINK about going for custody.

That alone could stop her in her tracks...

Sad to say but its entirely different in every situation & dpends on a number of things. Maybe put that info out there - that you will request all back child support as soon as it gets to court. Sara is probably right.....she usually is!!!! (Been a big support for me for years!!)

Thanks, GMa.

Before we went for custody, we paid a family law attorney for an hour of her time. She was SO informative! She told us not to worry about any of the bios contesting the custody petition because the fathers hadn't been in contact with our three grandkids in years. In NJ, she said they would first have to:

1) Take DNA tests to prove they were the fathers (Pinky never put them on the birth certificates, thank God).
2) Pay all back child support -- that would've been four or five years' worth back then.
3) Go to counseling, first without, then with, the child.
4) Undergo background checks, then do supervised visitation.
5) Then unsupervised visitation.

THEN they could think about gaining custody. HAH! Like they would ever do all of that.

We filed-hiring our own attorney, in November of 2011. It took quite awhile to get proper service on Mom. In March we had 1st hearing. She and Dad were no shows. He had proper service so was terminated then. Another hearing in June-she showed, requested time to get attorney (she lied about an income so court didnt have to supply one). Another hearing August. No Show. Final hearing & TPR end of Aug. Adoption complete end of Sept. Cost-$6,500.00. If she had contested more-it would have taken longer, and cost even more.

we just took the first step in adopting BG... the attorney in our case and state told me that we file the paper work for TPR and adoption at the same time... since bio mom has not seen her in over 6 months and has NOT exercised not one visitation right in two and a half years and NEVER paid child support we are hitting her with abandonment and since we don't have an address or phone number for her all we will have to do is run it in the paper in the county we live in for 30 days and if she doesn't respond then the judge will sign the TPR papers and adoption papers at the same time. BUT I in no way am expecting it to go that smoothly but praying it will...

the thing I would worry about in your case Scgramma is the fact bio mom is maintaining a relationship with the GS... while I understand is isn't much of one it is one... Now she will probably NOT regain custody for a while I just wonder and even more likely she will never follow through with trying it may be just enough to stop the TPR and adoption... THOUGHTS ANYONE??

this is my fear in this is if Bio mom gets wind what we are doing she will start visiting in order to stop TPR and adoption and once she achieves that will go right back to what she is going... I have seen it from her before. @ GMa that is what I meant about ruining our lives.

OH and as for how long... our attorney said 6 months of less... fingers crossed.

Hoping for the easy route for you. No relative should have to pay thousands of dollars to adopt & take on the responsibility of raising children!! And bios shouldnt be allowed to pop up just to cause trouble either.

To start, it depends on whether the child is in the system or you have casual agreement to take care of gc. If the system is involved, she may get a free lawyer and cause trouble while demanding "her" rights. If the child welfare system is not involved, she w/need to hire an attorney. A casual relationship means your daughter let you take child and neither of you have done anything to make it a legal arrangement. We saw our gs being abused and bio dad/stepmom refused visitation. We hired lawyer to gain visitation rights as the law did not allow for us to have custody unless we could prove the child was being abused. We went through a year of hell before the court took action. We then got custody and soon after the dad stopped showing up for visitation and then released custody to us. We moved forward quickly with adoption per lawyer's advice. The courts tend to protect parental rights over and above best interest of child and grandparents do not have legal standing. Fair or not, this is usually what happens. If bio mom moves forward, have your lawyer ask for psychological evaluations. Get a GAL for child. This may scare bio mom into leaving well enough alone

My husband and I took over primary care of our gd after the first 6 weeks. She'd always lived in our home. At 16 months old, it was clear my dd was not going to be interested in taking over primary parenting role anytime soon and same with bio dad. We had a family attorney draw up custody paperwork and I convinced both bios to sign, reasoning with them both that they would be off the hook for child support, but could still be in gd's life. Once those TPRs were filed with the court, it was accomplished in a few days without any court appearance needed. Cost: $3K.

Fast forward 2 years, both bio parents still minimally involved in gd's life so we talked them into signing TPRs for adoption by relatives. Once filed, took about 1 month to get a court date. Cost: $3,300. My husband, my gd and I appeared before a judge for about 10 minutes and it was done.

Again, the most effective tool we had was bio parents' unwillingness to pay any kind of support. We promised them they could continue a relationship with my gd which sweetened the deal.

Not sure if your comments and questions are for me daisy...

We were called by DHR and asked to take custody of BG to keep her out of foster care. we did we went back to court 6 months later and her case was closed and custody remains with us with. according to the papers bio has to do inpatient drug treatment, and participate in an outpatient treatment program and random testing maintain house and employment for the period of one year before hiring her own attorney and filing to regain custody.

to this day the bio has not done one thing that the court has ordered, Never paid child support, only visited once 2 1/2 years ago, and only seen her a hand full of times in 2 1/1 years, has not seen her in over 6 months, MIGHT call once a month, we do not know where she is living or how to contact her. According to her mom she couch surfs,

Sorry, your post was not clear about state being involved. The issue remains that the courts do tend to protect the bio parents tights and give them opportunity to clean up their act. Perhaps you need to speak to children and family to look into actions to move towards adoption. It is very difficult to terminate parents rights. A GAL will protect the child's rights. You say they closed the case when you got custody. There usually is a return date to update status. I still w move aggressively through process to adopt. Btw there is no state that has determined what a fit or unfit parent is which makes it difficult to take rights away. The Constitution does not specify parental rights. Traditionally the courts put parents rights first, best interest of child second, and grandparents have no legal standing. I have spoken with advocates, lawyers. Congressmen and judges and all agree. Bottom line is your dd may get free legal help from state to support her rights.

ok... Our case is closed... and according to the Department Of Child Services our status will not change UNTIL Bio had met court requirements and Filed for Custody of her DD back... AND the Bio mom will have to provide her own attorney. when they closed the case they are out of it and will no longer provided any assistance for the Bio. It even states in our Custody papers in detail what Bio MUST do to regain custody.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. In my case we got gs through dss when he was 1, ( took us a year) then late they closed the case, in the last court order I have all parties agree its best for child to remain in the physical an legal custody of grandmother.
He is now 6. My fear is that she will get free algal and get custody back. Probably unfounded since she can't pay her bills and has live in boyfriend but I am growing increasingly tired I the threat and even her visitations. She has never been required to pay child support lthough he's on tanf, I don't know why the state doesn't have her on cs. Dss is not involved anymore since 2008