It is hard to tell on the phone. When my daughter who is addicted to prescription drugs is really using she is very sleepy and agitated. We can about tell what she is on based on her moods. Pot makes her angry, hungry and wide awake. Pills make her angry and sleepy. She doesn't want anything to do with anyone. I wish I could be more help. Does she call every night? Have you noticed that when the kids have contact they act out? We have noticed with our gs who is almost 3 that he really acts out.

I have noticed that, mammie. Of course with three kids you're always going to get the "he took my stuff!" etc.

But ever since Pinky started calling every night (and she has been), it just seems as if they're more hyper than usual. I attributed some of it to anticipation of the end of school. But now that you mention it, it could be because they're counting down the days until they get to see her.

This sounds SO mean and nasty and perverse, but I'm hoping that she falls completely off the wagon again and stops calling. Just the thought of seeing her and dealing with her again makes me hyperventilate!!!!!

Part of rehab is treatment with psychotropic drugs because of side effects of withdrawal. The symptoms you mention could be related to prescribed meds. Demand a regular blood test that shows if she has been using. Make it a condition of her talking to the children. You absolutely cannot tell for sure if they are "high". Illegal drugs today are laced w/so much crap, you don't know what they are taking. Marijuana is now laced with heroine and it's dangerous. Don't assume or believe anything.

My daughter was just on psychotropic pills she would sit here and fall asleep and wouldn't remember anything she said. She is also addicted to percosets he always sounds sleepy when she is on them or taking heroin...Unfortunately the drug testing that the courts do doesn't look fro prescription drugs on street drugs...

Thanks, Jeanie -- Pinky's addicted to the same drugs. Percocets and heroin, with Oxycontin thrown in for good measure. She was also doing crack for a while, too.

I do know the Percs make her throw up when she first takes them. The kids used to tell us that "Mommy had to pull over to get sick" -- which is why she's no longer able to have them unsupervised.

Well my daughter has been from herion for 6 years. I went thru that with her when she was a teen. But she breaks up the oxys and perks and snorks them or shoots them. Once they get use to taking them they don't do the throw up thing anymore they are just so high they can't talk or keep their eyes open...then they tell ya how tired they are and how they haven't been able to sleep....yada yada yada....I know I sound mean but I've been up and down this road with my dghtr for 7 years drugs and alcohol and I just keep praying this is the last time.
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She is also a self mutilator and depressed and bi-polar an alcoholic and drug addict.....so I have been down almost every road there is with this one....

She also always seems to "have a cold," and I wonder if that's another sign of being high or coming down from a high.

I've stopped phone calls before when it was obvious that she was high, but it's those times when it's hard for me to tell that I'm not sure what to do.

I suppose that if she doesn't totally sound wasted the kids might not notice.

You cannot tell by their outer appearance or actions if they are, in fact, using. They may be on prescribed meds because of rehab. They have altered their body chemistry and will react to everything differently. Slurred speach, anger, excessive eating, inability to sleep, may be a sign of using but they may not be. My suggestion w/be to insist on a monthly drug test report mailed, emailed, or faxed to you if they want to talk to, or see, their children. Tell them (and you w/need to remind them because drugs alter the memory) if you even suspicion they are on drugs, they w/not have contact w/the children. Let any court act on that. What you are doing is putting the burden on them to prove they are worthy of being near the children. There are also drug tests you can purchase on-line or at the drug store to test them upon arrival at your home. The unfortunate side of all this is that, as mothers, as well as grandmothers, we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt because we want to fair. Fair doesn't work in this situation. You have your grandchildren because they were abused, neglected and/or abandoned by the addicted parent. That is enough reason to demand proof. If they really working with rehab to get rid of the addiction, they w/have regular drug screens to stay in the program. If they come back positive, they w/be thrown out of program. I know how hard it is to be tough with your own child, but for the sake of the gc and yourself, you must use tough love. No proof, no visits or calls.

Hi all - I'm confused here. We have guardianship and mother has supervised visitation with her mother. I was under the impression that I couldn't request a drug test without going thru our attorney????
I've been thinking mom is high when she calls our grandchild lately because gc gets so frustrated with her and she asks the same questions over and over.
One way I KNOW to tell is if her pupils are dilated, she hasn't slept, is really wired, talking very loud and has pick sores on her body.

Bonkers: if that is the case, contact sw, attorney, whoever and state your concerns that she is using and let them demand drug test. If there is sufficient reason for you to suspicion she is using, by law, they have to demand a screen. If they don't, they can be liable if anything happens (God forbid). The law states there is "reportable people" who must report if they suspicion possibility of abuse or neglect. Social workers, teachers, doctors, nurses, lawyers, etc all fall into that category. If they do not follow through on suspicion and anything happens, they may be found guilty of breaking a federal law and get jail time. This is very serious. My point is that you cannot accurately tell by actions or looks if they are using for sure. While you may very well be right, the court will only listen to proof. I'm wondering if you could demand she supply screen results and if she goes to lawyer to complain, you can state your concerns. If she is using, I highly doubt she w/challenge you other than to attempt to intimidate you with words. They clearly know what buttons to push to make you feel guilty.

Thanks Daisy - She is very persuasive and she knows it.

I know and I also know its really hard when it's your kid. We don't want to see our kids in that condition. In our case, it wasn't drugs, it was Brain Cancer that took our daughter. She went through various phases and I didn't want to see her like that. Her son who we raised had a problem with alcohol earlier this year. He seems to have faced the demons is doing okay but we are ever aware that he could fall back. He went through withdrawal, tremors, memory problems and was on psychotropic medications for awhile. It took everything within me to do the tough love w/him but if he was going to get better, I had to. If we suspicioned he was drinking or taking pills, we confronted him and told him we w/support him but only if he kept clean. We have gone one day at a time. One thing we learned in family meetings was that some w/go to rehab once and that's it. Others it will take a few times before it takes. 1/3 will never get better. That's what hard to take. Be strong and love her enough to be tough w/her when she needs it.